PB Woes

Every since they jerked the only brand of peanut butter I can eat off the market because it's contaminated with Salmonella, all I freaking want is a freaking peanut butter sandwich. Damnation. I wish they'd get some new non-salmonella pb out for me. :(

I could do it with integrity, I could do it with disgrace

My child is so cool. Today he wanted to listen to "that CD that has "Can't Talk to a Psycho" and "Angry Johnny" on it. In other words, my Poe CD. How sweet is that?!? Early he passed me and he was singing "Trigger Happy Jack" under his breath. Coolest ten-year-old ever.

In other news, last night some of us went to see Kodo Drummers perform. If you're not in the know, Kodo Drummers are those Japanese peeps that play drums all rigorous like, sometimes in nothing but a diaper thong. As I was watching the show, which was pretty entertaining, btw, it occured to me that a Kodo Drumming game would be perfect for the Wii, what with the crazy motion sensitive controller and all. Am I right?!? I'm totally right and you know it. Even if it was just regular drumming, it could be Nintendo's answer to Guitar Hero. Mark my words, it would be HUGE. I should take out a patent.

You mean Xena isn't an aspect of Shiva?

So, I've been watching Xena season 4, and there were a spate of episodes where Xena and Gabrielle are traveling in India. At the beginning of these episodes, there was a disclaimer stating that the writers took some liberty with Hindu deities and beliefs, but their sole purpose was to illustrate the beauty of the Hindu religion. I have no problem with the whole not wanting to offend thing, but I mean, seriously, we're talking about Xena: Warrior Princess here, it's not like it's exactly a documentary. They took liberties with all kinds of religions; Greek gods, pagan beliefs, amazon beliefs, Christianity, etc. I think that if you're watching Xena, you can probably just take for granted that you shouldn't be using it as a guide for religious facts and history. So why don't they have a disclaimer for all religions? Why just Hindus? Just thought that was interesting.

The seaweed is always greener. . .

I can't remember if I've mentioned this before, so I'll go ahead and tell the whole story in case I haven't. Lawrence's parents are celebrating their 50th anniversary this year, and they have decided that they would like to take a cruise with their family and closest friends, rather than have a party. They are also getting a chunk of money, so any family who can't afford to go can get subsidized through them, although that amount is limited, so ya know. Well, Lawrence wants me to go, but of course, I'm not family, so if I go, he has to pay for me. Not only does he have to pay for me, he has to pay for a separate cabin for me, as we're not married and this is polite Mormon folks, meaning a boy and a girl can't sleep in the same room together unless they're married. His parents are cool with me coming (according to Lawrence) and have specified that he and I can do whatever we want during the day, but would be expected to attend dinner and select other activities with the family, so I wouldn't even have to spend the entire time with his mother, um, I mean. . .his relatives. All this would occur in May, and it would be a five day cruise which includes Jamaica and two other places, although I can't recall what they are. Now, I'm trying really hard not to get too excited, because I know that Lawrence might not be able to afford to pay my way, and I sure as HELL can't afford to pay for myself, but I am failing miserably on the not getting excited arena. How awesome would going on a cruise be?!? I mean, SERIOUSLY! We'd sail out of Galveston on May 14th, which is Lawrence's birthday. I have also never been to Galveston, so bonus! Lawrence really wants me to go too, since even though it'll be his family, he'll be the only one without a significant other if I'm not there, and that would really suck. So, keep your fingers crossed, and be prepared to offer me a hanky to cry into if I don't get to go. The tropics! SWEET!

Baby boy

Since Kiera asked about Mark and Brietta's baby, I guess not everyone got an email, so I will give you all the 411. On Friday, December 15th at 6:15pm, Connor was born. He was 6lbs and 12oz and 19 inches long. They are all doing well, and Cooper has hardly any sibling rivalry. (Cooper's their dog for anyone who forgot.) So there ya go.

My movie reviews

Yesterday I watched Finding Comedy in the Muslim World, and I thought it was amusing. There were a few parts where I actually laughed, but here's the thing I'm wondering: WHY does Albert Brooks bill himself as a comedian when he is simply not funny? Oh don't get me wrong, he sometimes makes me smile, but he's more like guy in the next cubicle kind of funny, not professional actor/comedian funny. This is something I've been complaining about since I saw the movie, so some of you may have already commented on this, but I felt the need to alert the blogging community at large.

I also watched The Man Who Fell to Earth. Like Labyrinth, it ALSO starred David Bowie's package. Only in a much more literal sense. In that I got to see David Bowie's unclothed semi-erect penis. I would say this makes me special, but how many people in the world HAVEN'T seen David Bowie's penis, really? I also saw lots and lots and lots of boobies and bush. Seriously. My boss recommended this movie to me, and when I pointed out all the blatant nudity, he was surprised because he didn't remember that from when it was released in 1976. He's not losing his mind though, that stuff was cut out of the American release in order to get an R rating. That movie was very strange and I wanted to move on after I saw it, but I couldn't. I couldn't figure out some of the major plot points, so I finally went to IMDB where people who have read the book explained everything, thank heavens. I recommend that you ALL see this movie. Not because I think you'll like it, but because it is so very strange that I feel like I shouldn't be alone.

You should ALSO see Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, but not because it's strange; you should see it because it's AWESOME! Seriously. I loved it. I rushed out and bought it. I kid you not. It has Robert Downey Jr and Val Kilmer. And some girl, whatever. :) It's kind of a pulp mystery sort of storyline. But I don't want to ruin it. Go rent or buy it now, this second! GO! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!? Get out of here!

A tale of two chins

As many of you know, I had been trying to lose weight. I started this journey at 260 pounds, and lost down to 185 after more than a year. I then made the mistake of starting to date the love of my life who not only plied me with rich dinners and ice cream, but exhibited unbridled enjoyment at watching me enjoy food, and constantly told me how gorgeous I am. That selfish bastard! So, I went back up to 233. Sad, but true. So, this winter, my joints have started hurtin' sumtin fierce, and I came to the realization that in order to avoid the fate of crippled arthritic in a wheelchair (IE: my mom), I would HAVE to get down to a reasonable weight and stay there while also staying active. *GASP* Fate worse than death! Well, just as I came to this realization (while everyday saying, "I'll start tomorrow") my tae kwon do school announced that they were having a "Biggest Loser" competition. You see, every person who wanted to participate would throw in ten bucks and be weighed at the beginning of January. Then, on March 3rd, whoever lost the most weight would win all the cash. What could be better, thought I; If I win money or just lose weight, I win either way. So, I plunged back into the healthy living pool with a great big belly flop, although this time, I determined that I should make changes that I could possibly do for the rest of my life: or in other words, I made a lifestyle change. I still eat out sometimes. (Hee hee. "Eat out.") I still eat meat and bread and potatoes. I just try to get more veggies and I eat reasonable portions and get more exercise. It's actually working out quite well. As of the last weigh in on February 2nd, I was officially in the lead, with a total weight loss of 10 pounds. If I keep that pace, I can be in my ideal weight range in July. So, hopefully, hopefully! Wish me luck boys and girls. And if you see me stuffing my face, go ahead and knock the food out of my hand. I'll thank you for it later, when I'm a smokin' hottie. Oh yeah, and when I can walk without my knees and ankles crying out in pain.

the frugal reception

I have discovered that my connections could potentially make my wedding reception very inexpensive. You see, I have a friend (more like an acquaintance) who's a chef and wants to cater my reception at friend prices. She did a pretty kick ass reception where she only charged $1.70 per person, and the food was awesome, so that's gonna be one way that I'll save money.

Then, my brother's girlfriend is a cake decorator at Candy Haven and she says she wants to do my cake. Now I'm not sure if she means at a discount or for free or for full price, but I'm assuming she means at a discount (since she won't let us buy anything there without using her employee discount), so that's really cool. She's the most amazing cake decorator, AND I saw their wedding cake showroom, and they have the perfect cake that I think is gorgeous. Plus, I looked at the flavors, and I want a dark chocolate fudge cake with raspberry (or strawberry. or cherry) filling and cream cheese frosting. YUMMY!

I have another friend that I used to work with at Lifetouch who's an amazing photographer who has offered to give me a discount on wedding photos. The only problem is that he doesn't photograph fatties very well, so I have to lose the weight if I plan on using him.

Being Mormon, I could have my reception at the church if I wanted to (which I really don't, but still), which Kiera told me costs $50. Last night I was talking to lifelong friend's of the family who own a cleaning company named the Dartts (the family is the Dartt family, it is not the cleaning company that is called the Dartts.), and mama Dartt said that they only charge you if they have to clean it and if I have my reception at the church and they try to charge me, just tell them that the Dartt's are taking care of it. So, I could get a free reception place if it comes to it.

Of course, I happen to have a blacksmith friend who's gonna help Lawrence out with mad ring hook-ups, so that should be gravy.

Now for the hard parts: the flowers and the dress. I haven't spoken to her in a decade, but I used to have a good friend who was a seamstress who always said she would make my wedding dress for me. I wonder what would happen if I tracked her down. Now I just have to make friend's with a florist real fast. Hmmmm. Anybody know any florists? Josh? You're gay, come on, hook a sista up!