Sybil! Sybil! I want to talk to Margie now!

I was going to say this in the comment spot of the last post, but I decided it was too long. Well, I think crazy Margie has gone back in her box now. I really appreciate all the kindness and support from everybody. Jared and I have been exchanging (sometimes rude but not always) messages, and I will definitely let you all know how this plays out. For sure we're over though. Once crazy Margie comes out, things are never the same. I also spent about an hour in the phone with Dave (Ethan's dad) last night, and that really helped. I know it's weird, but when I have a really really serious meltdown, he's who I turn to. Other than Josh, but I feel like when I have relationship problems Dave has a hand up on Josh cause Dave dated me for two years and has slept with me. (Sorry Josh, I know you want to, but it's just not gonna happen. That was a joke for people who didn't catch it.) So Dave knows me in ALL my shades of crazy, and knows my backstory so he doesn't even need catching up. The best part of the conversation was when I told him nobody could love me, and cited him as proof. Good times. He was distraught and told me extensively how that was his fault, not mine. So I guess it's just my fault that I pick these guys that can't love me, that I am not actually intrinsically unlovable. I feel sorry for him though, because he puts up with this and doesn't even get sex out of it anymore. But he kinda feels like he owes me I think. He's always saying how bad he feels for how he treated me, so maybe he feels like being there for me now makes up for the past. And his wife doesn't even mind. But when did this post become about him? I don't want to tell content of the messages until I have the whole story, so that's something to look forward to. But I feel better today, so there's no need for a suicide watch or anything like that. But when Crazy Margie left, she let me with a splitting headache. Why am I always having to pay for her shortcomings?

I apologize in advance

I haven't signed into myspace in a while, but I got an email saying that I had a new comment, so I went to see what it was. It was crap from a stupid girl I know, but I saw that Jared (whom I can't seem to take off my friends list) has a new picture. So, like a crack addict in the ghetto, I was drawn to his profile. I couldn't keep myself from clicking on his picture. And when I got to his profile, I saw that he had put a new blog entry up yesterday. Of course I had to read it. This is what is said:

"Cristina's mad at me right now. She looks like she could cut me up into little pieces at the moment. She's so afraid that I dont love her or that I want someone else. Someone who's not "fat and ugly". Thats not the case though. I think she's beautiful, and I do love her. I've never thought she was ugly or fat. She's just pregnant. Of course I dont mention anything regarding mood swings or she puts a Xena neck pinch move on me. She's ornery like that.
I guess the reason I'm posting this blog is to try my best to indicate to her that I dont desire anyone else. I know she will be reading this soon. So when you read this Cristina, know that I love you. I've made mistakes in my past with you, but thats over and done with. I want to forget that and move on to something better. a future that involves us and with nothing but happiness. I know thats what you want, and I know thats what you'll fight to get.
So........forgive me? I promise there was no malicious intent. It was purely innocent. No one could replace you. I love you. :-)"

So, I guess that I'm the mistakes that he wants to move on from. I know that he might not even have been referring to me, but I couldn't help myself. I sent him a message saying exactly that ("So, I guess I'm the mistakes you talk about in your blog."). Followed simply by the word, "Thanks." Man I'm psychotic. I hate being me. I hate being obsessive. I hate that I can't seem to fucking get over him despite the fact that I really really fucking want to. I want to scream and hit things. I want to run away. I want to cry till I have no tears left. But I can't because I'm an introvert and I bottle all of this up and turn it into cranky. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKK. I FUCKING HATE THIS. WHY WHY WHY WHY CAN'T I EVER EVER EVER LOVE SOMEONE THAT CAN POSSIBLY LOVE ME BACK. I hate him. I hate me. I fucking hate all of fucking everything. And I fucking hate that I fucking still feel this way. He's an fucking asshole that obviously doesn't want me. I hate myself for fucking still being hurt. And I wish that my fucking brothers could fucking lay off making fun of me for one fucking day because I don't think they understand the extent of fucking self loathing I am filled with for fucking feeling this way. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! I think it's great if he wants to fucking marry the pregnant slut that he started fucking while he was still FUCKING dating me and telling me fucking lies (about how he wasn't fucking anyone) and then left for me and then fucking left me for her a-fuckin-gain. I think that families should be together if they can be. So why the FUCK can't I fucking stop all these fucking feelings. Fucking hell.

Lawrence didn't kiss me. He decided to wait until the third date. And you know what they say, the fastest way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Lawrence is nice and treats me really well. I hope I fall for him.

I need a Amanda Huggenkiss

Ok, so you remember how I said that I worked for Albertson's and they seem like they're doing alright? (See January 17th) Well, I just heard a rumor that Albertson's has had to sell off a bunch of stores to three different companies. My destruction reigns supreme!

I may be breaking privacy laws and crap by telling you this, but I must. Today we received a case for a patient named. . .Desire Beavers. I kid you not. That can't be a real name. Seriously. Rene and I laughed so hard we turned red. If Beavers is her maiden name, why would her parents name her Desire? Isn't Beavers bad enough? And if it's her married name, why in the world didn't she keep her maiden name?!? She's gotta be a porn star or a stripper. Maybe I should change my name to something funny like that. Like Needsa Shanking, or Amanda Screw. Any suggestions?

Speaking of men. . .uh, what? Anyhoo. My Interpersonal communications teacher seems like a real ass. And he's not young OR cute. I mean, I could handle him being older if he were cute. Like say, the type who's soft spoken and wears sweater vests or maybe tweed jackets and has little round glasses. . .um. . .I think I've been watching too much Buffy lately. What? I can't help it that I think Giles is hot. Is that sick and wrong? And Miss calendar is totally wrong for him and is bitchy to him and it pisses me off. Um. . .yeah. But in other news, I have subconscious conflict. I am sick of Jared. Seriously. I want nuthin to do with him. But whenever I fantasize (which I spend an alarming amount of time and brain power doing), no matter who I start out fantasizing about, it always turns into Jared. Damn you subconscious desire! Maybe it's cause he's the only guy I've seriously made out with in the past 8 years. I mean, I made out with William, but that was just the one time, and I've made out with Jared extensively and numerously. We'll go with that theory I think. Hopefully that will be rectified soon. *eye brow waggle* I mean, I do have my second date with Lawrence on Friday. Hopefully he'll at least try to kiss me, and then I'll have something to work with for operation Eradicate Jared Desire. Let's synchronize our watches and commence operations. Ready team? We have a go!

My little monkey

So, I have seen little Isabelle and she is completely beautiful, she doesn't look like a sqooshed blind mole rat like most new born babies. So, I have decided to commemorate this happy occasion by talking about. . .me. Or more specifically, about my baby. So this post is officially called:

Ten Reasons I love my Ethan

10) He is the most beautiful boy ever. Seriously. He has beautiful blue eyes and fair clear skin. His hair is slightly wavy and brown, and getting darker all the time. Someday he is going to be a real heartbreaker, I feel sure. I'm especially fond of his pointy little chin and his broad shoulders. He's adorable, and I make sure he knows it, too. I tell him so much that one day he asked if I would still love him as much if he weren't cute, and I said, no way, I could never love an ugly baby, I woulda had to send him back if he wasn't cute. See also: reasons I am a bad mother. But really. Look at that face. This is the most recent picture I have of him, so that's pretty much what he looks like right now.

9) He knows more about natural science than most adults. I'm not even joking. When he was very young, his favorite show was Magic School Bus, and it just went from there. There was a while where he absolutely wouldn't miss Nova. I think he's checked out every school library book about bugs, spiders, geology, weather, animal, plants, or any other natural science, not to mention the book case full of children's reference and science books in his room. He just eats the stuff up. When the tsunami hit Asia, he was there with an in depth explanation about tsunamis and how they work. He constructs little quizzes while we're driving, such as, 'Mom, true or false, the blue whale is blah blah blah.' Then I have to do some quick thinking and try to figure out the right answer so that he won't figure out that he knows more than me. I also have to struggle to repress my first response of, "How the hell should I know?"

8) He has opinions. And he's not afraid to express them, although he sometimes tries to do it tacfully. Which is impressive for someone who has me as a role model. When I was a kid, I was always doing and saying what I thought people wanted me to do and say, so I'm extremely happy that I seem to have not passed that on to my muffin. When he was in kindergarten, he saw a guy on Fear Factor with a mohawk and decided that he wanted a mohawk. Yes, I let my five year old watch Fear Factor. I didn't let him watch Barney growing up, though. I have priorities. But anyway, I put him off, thinking he would grow out of it, but 6 months later, he still wanted one, so, I got out the clippers and buzzed one for him. I think it's adorable, FYI. This is his first grade school photo. I picked out the shirt, but he agreed to it because it has a spider on the front. After about 7 months, he decided he was tired of having a mohawk because he didn't like the constant trims and the constant attention of strangers staring at him and telling him how awesome his hair is. Now he's all about easy upkeep. About an inch on top and shorter on the sides and back. No fuss, no muss. I keep trying to get him to grow it out and have a rock star hair do, but he wants nuthin to do with it.

7) He studied humor like he was working on a cure for cancer. He used to not get jokes. AT ALL. When we told jokes he would look at us with this serious look on his face and ask us to explain it. In depth. Then he started checking joke books out of the library, and he would go through and tell people a joke, and then analyze it with them. What does the joke mean? Why is this joke funny or not funny? Has it got layers? Can you tell it over and over or just once? Is it similar to this other joke? Then when he finished that, he started making up jokes and analyzing them the same way. He seems to have finally mastered humor. He can do sarcastic, sardonic, slapstick, straight out jokes, and even play on words. But the best thing is, he does sarcastic air quotes. And I swear on my mother's grave, there is nothing in heaven or on earth that is funnier that a child who understands and can properly apply the use of sarcastic air quotes.

6) He has sophisticated tastes. Of course he eats the normal kid things, like chicken nuggets, spaghetti, sloppy joes, chilly mac, but he also LOVES things you would never suspect. Like black olives. Can't get enough. Crab legs. Steak, rare and bloody. Chef Salad. Sardines. Lobster. Actually, there's a funny story there. One time when he was quite young, I'd say about three, we went to Red Lobster. The hostess asked him if he'd like to pet a lobster and of course he said yes. She fished one out and he petted it and watched it's antenna wave around and then he declared, "I want this lobster." She explained to him that a lobster isn't a good pet and he cut her short and said, "No, I want to EAT this lobster." So no problems with the circle of life then. That's my boy. Still can't get him to touch avocados with a ten foot pole. Crazy.

5) He wears what he wants. He wears short, sandals, and a t-shirt most of the year, even when it's cold. I tell him to carry a jacket, but he almost never puts one on. I'm fine with that, because I have seen him voluntarily put on warmer clothes when he gets cold enough, so I know he's not gonna let himself freeze to death. It seriously wigs my parents out though. When he was younger, he would wear the spider costume I made for Halloween around the house all the time, he even slept in it. Then the next year it was the bat costume I made. He even wore that one out places; it wasn't so problematic with all the arms and all. When we go to buy clothes, he won't be swayed from what he likes, even though I try to tell him the clothes he wants are dorky, and the ones I like are way cooler. I've even been known to say, "This is cool. You want to be cool don't you? Do you even WANT friends?" Again, see: reasons I am a bad mother. Cross reference with: reasons my child with be a dangerous sociopath someday.

4) He tries not to wake me up. Apparently, according to reports, I am not pleasant when I am awoken. I don't get it, I try to be as pleasant as possible considering the circumstances, but I guess the idea doesn't get portrayed very well. Ethan has suffered from nightmares (when he was younger) and insomnia all his life (it runs in his dad's family), and so as a result has spent many hours awake at night. I always tried to be understanding and kind when he woke me up, but one night I was especially tired and had to work very early the next day, and after about the fifth time he woke me up because he couldn't sleep, I didn't contain myself very well, I'm afraid. It wasn't pretty, with the yelling and all. Every since then, he goes to great lengths to avoid waking me. Don't get me wrong, he will wake me up if he really needs me, but he seriously weighs that need before taking action. He will go wake up my dad or my brother instead if he can't sleep. And I think that's a sign of true love. Or true fear. Whatever.

3) He is sensitive. I know from the booklets that extreme sensitivity is a common thing with kids that have ADHD, but I still like it. He really picks up on people's emotions. When he was a toddler, before he could talk, the scene in Toy Story where Buzz realizes that he's actually a toy made Ethan cry. When my eye brows furrow, Ethan flattens them out for me so I won't be upset anymore. He really tries to make the people around him happy. And when he was younger, say around 5, he decided that when he grew up, he would marry a girl that works in a pet store. His reason? "A girl that works in a pet store would be kind." All together now. . .awwww!

2) He laughs in the face of danger. I have the evil eye. My glare has sent flocks of servers and managers scurrying to do my bidding. It has cowtowed counter help, previously resolute to uphold store policy on returns. It has caused friends to blather apologies and family to cry. Yet, when turned on Ethan, his response is to lay his hands on either side of my face and say, "Oh my little mommy. You're so cute!" Who can stand up to that sort of treatment?

1) He loves me completely. Don't ask me why. Despite all evidence that I am a horrible mother and quite a boring person, he still loves me. He's living with his dad and stepmom right now, and his life is much better and much more stable there, but he still misses me and wants to come home. What a freak. :)

I'm an auntie!

YAY! Kiera and Patrick had their baby girl this morning at 9:38. She is probably going to be named Isabelle Rose (I'm not sure if they're spelling it Isabelle or Isabel. I think the first way.) and she was 19 inches long and weighed 8 lbs 1.3 oz, which I thought was surprisingly big for two such small people. I plan on calling her Belle. According to reports, she has brown hair. :) I will go see the happy family this afternoon and confirm or deny these rumors.

Also, I don't have time right now, but I plan to do a commemorative post tonight, so be sure and check back! Good times.

Uh. . .I meant I will do a commemorative post tomorrow or the next day. :/ Damn social obligation that keeps me away from the front of the computer where I belong!

My next date

Lawrence called me this morning to tell me he was busy this weekend, but would like to take me out next Friday. Tee hee. A full week's notice. Me like-ee. He said he was thinking of a movie, but we could go to dinner or dancing or something. Here was my clever response, "Whatever, I like everything." How could a man avoid falling for me with such scintillating and witty dialogue?

PS-be sure and read my comments on the last post. Interesting Jared stuff happening. Well, interesting to me anyway. :)

Stuff that has been happening-ingenius title, no?

I had my first American Government class tonight, with Professor Wyman. He seemed quite pleased to see me, and kept referencing me and the other two people that took the same Texas Government class as me all night (like, "As Margie and Jared and Nikki can tell you. . ." or, "If you ask these three, they'll tell you that. . ." or, "Margie/ Jared/ Nikki knows this because. . ."), until he finally said, "I really should stop referencing those three constantly and repeatedly." He asked if anyone in the class took that slot because he was teaching it, and all three of us raised our hands, so I imagine that pleased him. There was a guy in my class last semester who sat right behind me and we would talk sometimes, not in a flirty way (he has a girlfriend. And he's short.) just in a friendly way, and he's in this class, too. I didn't see him when I came in and I sat all the way across the room from him, but during the extremely long (30 minute) break, he came over and chatted with me for most of it, so that was cool. His name is. . .Jared. This is how I introduced myself to him last semester: "Dude, I was dating a guy named Jared, we just broke up as a matter of fact, and everytime Professor Wyman says your name it freaks me out! I'm all like, AH! Where?!?" We had a good laugh over that.

Props have to go out to my brother Joe, who said the two funniest things I've heard all week.
Quote 1: concerning Lawrence-

Joe: How old is Lawrence, anyway?
Me: 40
Joe: Oh. *thoughtful pause* I'm sorry.

Quote 2: concerning the Law and Order franchise-

Joe: I don't get it. I mean, they're not funny. It's like they're not even trying.

You know, those were really really funny in person, but they don't seem that funny in type. Maybe it's the delivery.


Well I finally have a little closure at least. Jared IM'd me last night after a week of not speaking to me at all. Apparently, he's been having lots of money problems and has been totally stressing and hasn't checked his email at all. My response was, "Well, I've been upset because you disappeared and didn't talk to me for a week straight, so I guess we all have problems." He kept apologizing over and over, which is only appropriate. Finally I asked, "Are you saying you're sorry because you are, or because you know you should?" I'm telling you. I can be mean when I feel like it. His response was, "I should, but also I am. It wasn't fair of me to leave you in the dark like that and I really am sorry." Ok, so he says the right things at least. He seemed so pathetic I finally relented and told him I forgive him. (Anybody who knows me however know that I may forgive, but that doesn't mean I forget.) He thanked me, which I thought was weird, but that's ok. After a while I asked where we are, whether we're still going to date, or if we're friends or what. He said, "We've always been friends, but I guess I can't really think about dating anyone right now, my life's too hectic. I'm sorry that it seems like you got the short end of the stick." He apologized a few more times after that. "Sorry" was running rampant. To be honest I'm really fine with just being friends with him, at least I won't constantly be worried he's gonna dump me for not putting out. :) By the end of the night we were back to calling each other names like stinky and dork butt, just like old times. Ah, good stuff. But don't think I don't see where this is going. Jared and I will be friends, and Lawrence and I will date slowly, and Jared will realize what a great catch I am and profess his love to me right when Lawrence decides he want to really get serious, and I'll end up having to choose between the nice and reliable guy and the really hot, fun guy that makes my heart go pitter pat. Of course, who knows, maybe by then Lawrence will be able to make my heart go pitter pat and my hard choice will be compounded. My main concern is Lawrence's age. I mean, I worry that a man in his 40's won't be able to meet my, um. . .needs. If you know what I'm saying. I'll have a better idea after we make out. You can usually tell how much sexual energy a guy has from a good solid make out session. Man, I wish we had transporters. Then at least I could wish for a transporter accident to combine them into one person, who would be called Jarence, and, after he got over his commitment issues, would be my perfect man. *sigh* This isn't the first time I've wished my life was more like Star Trek, and I guarantee it won't be the last.

Related to my last post-my destructive powers are super villianesque

You know, I said that I have worked for three companies that have gone under, and potentially a forth. But that really doesn't fully encompass my destructive abilities. I've been thinking about this. My dour mood has been contributing to this line of thought. Let's take each item that I've destroyed in turn.

1)Relationships: I have never had a romantic relationship that has lasted longer that 2 years. Most friendships don't make it that long either.

2)Cars: Every car I've ever driven has irreparably broken down. Seriously. Like, haul it to the junk yard, it's done kinda broken down. If it's a stick, I just have to drive it a few times before the clutch goes out.

3)Jobs: Let's see here. 1st job-Sacker at Jewel Osco. Bought out. 2nd job-Cook at school cafeteria/ school short order cook/ catering/art department secretary/apartment manager. Closed down. 3rd job-cook at Red Lobster. Ok, that's still there, but I did only work there for less than a month. 4th job-Counter person at Vogue Dry Cleaners. Bankrupt. 5th job-cook at a little catering place. Closed down. 6th job-FEMA. Still there, but it's the government. They are bigger and can compensate for my powers. 7th job-Montgomery Ward. Yes. I destroyed the historic department store. It was one of the first, too. So sad. 8th job-JC Penny. Still up and running, but last I heard, they're on shaky ground. Don't bank on them lasting too long. 9th job-checker at Albertson's. Seems like they're ok, but I also only worked there for a month. 10th job-Lifetouch School Portraits. Alright. One that seems like it's on safe ground. Maybe I bottled up too much of my hate while I was there. I should have let it leak out and contaminate the place more. 11th job-American Dental Arts. Well. You already know about that. And of course, never discount my future, where I will be destroying the comic book industry.

4)School: Yes, that's right. I have brought down an entire institution of higher learning. I went to school at Phillips University from 1992-1994 and they shut their doors forever and declared bankruptcy in 1998. I feel great guilt over this one. I have many fond memories of my time there, and if I had only known that I was destroying it from the inside, I would have at least stayed long enough to graduate. I used to dream that I would go back there to get my degree someday (back before I found out about it's demise) because I really do consider it my Alma Mater, but alas, it will never be.

5)My child: Ok, so he's not "destroyed" per se, but my genetic stock gave him depression and ADHD. My bad parenting will probably screw him up for life on top of that, so lets just call it like it is. But he sure is a cute little guy.

Yeah. So that's all I can think of right now, but I'm sure that there would be more if I really put my thinking cap on. For all you that hate Mormons, just wait, maybe I can bring down the entire church. Nah, they're even bigger than the government.

Sneezy, Dopey, Grumpy, Sleepy, and Lazy

I am so very blah lately. You see, I needed to get my allergy shot in December, but I haven't had the cash, so I've had to go without. So, I'm groggy must of the time, my nose keeps running and my eyes alternate between slightly itchy and down-right blurry and useless. I will make an appointment for Friday, hopefully, and then all will be right with the world.

I very nearly lost my job last week. Things were really, really slow, and then at the last minute we got in 20 more cases. Rene said it was a good thing because he was thinking about laying me off and declaring bankruptcy. Yikes! He told me that somebody called to survey him last week and they said that the dental laboratory industry is dying. Great. It's because they have this machine that can make teeth now, and so a dentist can get the machine and have it right there in his or her office and bada-boom bada-bing, there's a tooth right when they need it. The old dentists are still using labs, but the new ones, well, they're heeding the march of technology. Apparently, dental lab business industry wide dropped like 8% last year. So, there you have it. If (or should I say when) the lab goes under, it will be the fourth company I have worked for that went out of business. I guess I have the death touch for companies. Rene says I need to start drawing everyday so that I get my art skills up to speed so that when it all falls apart I'm ready to spring into the comic book industry. Maybe I can single handedly destroy that, too!

My allergies are making me feel melancholy and lonely. Not to mention lazy. *sigh* Yep. Need that shot. Well, I guess it's time to go back to work. Grr. Classes start Wednesday. Hopefully I'll have fodder for better posts after that.

My date with Lawrence

Well, tonight I went on my date with Lawrence, and it was pretty good. We met at 7 and went for bar-b-que, which was also pretty good. To start the evening off right, I was setting my tray down and spilled my lemonade all over the damn place. So that was great. After that we went for ice cream at Marble Slab, which is always good. He insisted on opening all doors for me. When we first met, I just opened the door and got in, and he came around and made me get out so that he could shut the door, re-open it and shut it after I was in. Seriously. When we got to the resturaunt, I started to open the door to get out of the car and he was like, "AH-NO!" So I closed it and he came around and opened it. He said that his mother is a Southern Belle and ground into him that you always open the door and hold the door for a lady. Weird. He said it's different when people are married and have 2.5 kids to wrangle, but on dates, he always gets the door. It's different, but it's ok. We parted ways at midnight, so that was 5 solid hours of talking. Man, that's a lot. So here's the skinny: He's 40, 5'10, has a receding hairline, has glasses, and is a software engineer. For fun he likes to go to renaissance festivals, learn new programming languages, and paint figurines (the sort used in role playing games). Damn. I guess nerds are alive and well. Oh well, apparently I have more fun with my own kind. :) At least I wasn't worried that I'm out of my league. So, he said that if things go well and we end up dating for a while, he wants to take me to Scarborough Faire in the spring. (That's my paraphrasing, not how he said it.) At the end of the night we hugged, and he put his hands on my waist briefly when he said goodnight. I thought that was kinda hot, for any guys out there that are wanting pointers. All in all, it was a good date. I'm glad I made him take me out. I told him to not hesitate to call me, and he said he would, but it wouldn't be every day or anything. He said he'd probably start out going on dates a little more than once a month. That's slow all right, but that's ok. Oh yeah, and he hates people that live in a Mormon bubble (just like I do), he cusses and thinks that cuss words are just words and people shouldn't be so uptight about it (just like I do), and watches R-rated movies (again-just like I do). These are all things that I usually don't have in common with other Mormons, so that is REALLY good. Those are some deal breakers as far as I'm concerned.

So, I go from a guy that's 9 years younger than me, super hot, wants to be a rock star, way too cool for me, not very reliable, and kinda a jerk, to a guy that's 9 years older than me, really nice, kinda dorky, really reliable, and super considerate. It's weird how I always seem to date polar opposites.

New news is good news

Well, boysenberries, I did it. I called Lawrence and said, "I think you should take me out tomorrow." He was like, "Uh, ok, I'm actually free tomorrow, so I can do that." He wondered why tomorrow, so I just told him straight out, 'The guy I've been dating's been pissing me off, and I wanted to go out with someone else, and you asked me out way back in December and I decided that if I was going to wait for you to ask me out for a specific time I'd be waiting forever." He replied, "No, not forever. . .it wouldn't have been this weekend, but it wouldn't have been forever! So, did you already plan what I'm taking you out to do?" He said that jokingly, it wasn't as pointed as it seems in type. Long story short (very long-he's a "nice" guy. He has to make sure everything's ok and no one's unhappy. They'll be no him taking charge in a manly way on his watch.) he's taking me for bar-b-que at a place that he loves but I've never heard of. Doc's or something. So, that's good then. Well then. We'll see how that turns out. But he was very specific to clarify that this isn't really a date, it's more of a dry run. I think he hasn't dated since he got divorced from his wife seven months ago. They were married for ten years. Of course, I didn't date for nearly that long, so maybe we're close to being on even footing. :)

The good, the good, and the stupid

Well, my weight is officially 175 now. I know I said that before, but I don't really count it unless it stays there for at least 3 days. Yay! I have lost 85 pounds. That's like losing a whole Calista Flockhart. I'm so close, I can't believe it. I don't even really WANT to go off my diet anymore I'm so excited. The other day my mom and I went to the mall because there was a bra sale at Lane Bryant (I got two bras and two pairs of jeans. Size 14 people! Of course they're stretchy, I can't fit into all size 14's just yet, but still!), and when we went through the food court, the cookies and pretzels didn't even tempt me in the least. I am now one step closer to being completely inhuman. Keep the dream alive people!

I have now registered for classes, which start for me next Wednesday. I know that the people who live here have heard about all this, so they can skip this paragraph if they desire. I signed up for interpersonal communications, which counts for my speech credit, and American Government, which will be my last government class thank the gods. I think interpersonal communications sounds really interesting. Here is the course description: "Introduces communication concepts and provides speech interaction in one-on-one and small group situations. Provides experiential settings for a variety of environments, for the reduction of communication barriers, for conflict resolution, and for leadership and decision-making. Emphasizes interpersonal perception and listening skills related to self-concept." Finally, maybe I can learn how to talk to people instead of just mind-controlling them. That's gonna be a load off. Also, when I signed up for government, I was really hoping to get the same professor I had for Texas government, because I like him; he's funny and not boring. But when I registered, he wasn't listed so I just took whoever was listed. Then, when I went back to pay, up pops my class list and the teacher had changed to Wyman, the one I was hoping to get! Good things do happen to morally ambiguous people! So I'm excited about that. I hope my other teacher's not a git. It would be really nice if it's a good looking guy. Keep your fingers crossed!

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for! The Jared section of this post. Come on, you knew it was coming. Jared blew me off all weekend, and then he sent me texts to let me know he wasn't ignoring me on Sunday and then on Monday was all nicey nice with the good reasons for not seeing me. But he still ended up blowing me off Monday night too. Then Tuesday morning with the text telling me his ex showed up unannounced and again with the nicey nice. Then yesterday he said he needed to work on his resume, but he PROMISED we would get together after. And then he wasn't online and didn't return any off my texts. This morning he hasn't bothered with the nicey nice so far. So, yeah. You don't have to hit me on the head with a brick. I think it's pretty obvious that he's succumbed yet again to his ex. I could be wrong, but I wouldn't bet on it. Whatever. I would like to say I'm mad, but I really expected it. I know that all of you are saying, "Oh good, she'll be done with him now! Finally!" And if any of you were in my position I would say the same, but I know that I'm not. I know that he'll come back, and I know that I'll take him back. Why am I such a fucking sucker when it comes to men? I can be bitter and cruel to people, flinging shards of ice at their flaws with precision and accuracy, yet let me develop feelings for a guy and I'll forgive him a million times over. There is definitely something wrong with that. Of course I prayed about everything, as usual, and I got the feeling that I might end up with Jared, but he's just not ready yet. I wonder if God's as sick of me as I'm sure you all are. I know I'm pretty damn sick of me, but God supposedly has infinite patience, so hopefully I haven't worn through THAT just yet. One things for sho'. I'm calling Lawrence later. If Jared does call me tomorrow, I want to be on a date. And if he doesn't call tomorrow, I don't want to be sitting at home obsessing. Cause I feel all settled and calm about the situation right now, but I know THAT will change. Man, am I annoying. Seriously.

Stolen blog entry idea

Well, I've been up to my old tricks again. Yes, you guessed it, I'm stealing from other people's blogs. Sad but true. Well, if I see something I like, I just take it! I can stop anytime! But in my defense, the person I stole it from stole it from someone, who stole it from someone else, and so on. It's the circle of life, my friends. Before I start on my ill gotten gains, I'll tell you that although I really feel pretty good, I'm still sick. Fever of 100 and all. I fell asleep watching Futurama last night at 8:30 and then Ethan called me at 9, I got a wrong number at 9:30, and Dave called me at 10. It's ok Dave! You didn't know! I still love you darlin'. But then I got back to sleep and slept all night like a baby. When I woke up at 10, I was very excited, just KNOWING that I had a 24 hour bug and would now be fine, but was stymied by the evil thermometer. (And a little by my evil intestines.) And I was so looking forward to going to the Single Adult potluck tonight and seeing Lawrence. *sigh* At least basically not eating for two days makes me feel nice and skinny! Well, here's the booty of my blog looting, enjoy:

[A is for age:]
31. Don't cry for me, 30 is the new 20 I hear.

[B is for booze of choice]
I don't drink anymore (for the most part), but I love spiced rum.

[C is for career]
I guess my career is officially Dental Technician. I don't know that I'll be making teeth for the rest of my life, but I might, so there you go.

[D is for your dog's name:]
Gack. I freakin' hate dogs. I will never have a dog if left to my own devices. If I marry a man who just has to have a dog, he damn well better be really hot and damn good in the sack. (The man, not the dog)

[E is for essential items you use everyday:]
Computer, Car, Clothing, Food (except when I'm ill or depressed), Toothpaste and Toothbrush (except when I'm ill or depressed. lol), Water, Mascara, Blemish concealer, Apathy, Hate for mankind (just kidding), Anger, Crippling Sharp Sense of humor, My Brain, Yahoo Messenger

[F is for favorite song(s) at the moment:]
Mr. Brightside by the Killers

[G is for favorite games:]
Uh. . .since I no longer manipulate people, I'll have to go with KOTOR

[H is for hometown:]
Denton, TX, home of me and Bowling For Soup! WooHoo!

[I is for instruments you play:]
Uh. . .huh huh, huh huh. Does the man flute count? I guess I'll have to go with a no instruments on this one.

[J is for jam or jelly you like:]
Strawberry 100% Fruit. I don't like jams and jellies that are too sweet

[K is for kids?]
Just the one, thank heavens

[L is for last kiss?:]
Wednesday night, and dear sweet lord, I hope it wasn't the last one!

[M is for most admired trait:]
My ability to kill a man with no trace of guilt? The ability to crush souls and damage minds to the point of incontinence? I guess I'll go with my ability to be straightforward and honest. Feel free to correct me if you think I have a better trait. :)

[N is for name of your crush:]
OK-a lifetime of learning to hide my feelings and trust no one has impacted me to the point that I actually no longer have the ability to give a straight answer to this question. Seriously, I'm not joking. But I think anyone who has read approximately 1 1/2-2 posts on my blog knows exactly who I have a crush on.

[O is for overnight hospital stays:]
When I was 6, I had surgery to remove a blockage for my urethra. And of course there was the three day stay after I had Ethan.

[P is for phobias:]
Dying alone, unloved, and forgotten. Ending up like my mother. Senility. Maggots. THEY EAT HUMAN FLESH PEOPLE!! THEY ARE DISGUSTING!

[Q is for quotes you like:]
When in panic, or in doubt:
Run in circles, scream and shout.

[R is for biggest regret:]
Throwing my life away by becoming an alcoholic and dropping out of school.

[S is for sweets of your choice:]
Oh Hell. Chocolate Cake, Chocolate candy, Chocolate Fondue, Chocolate Ice Cream, Chocolate Truffles. . .are we spotting a pattern?

[T is for time you wake up:]
7:30 if I have to go to work. As late as I possibly can otherwise.

[U is for underwear:]
Magic Mormon underwear of course.

[V is for vegetables you love:]
I'm a big fan of veggies. I guess I'll have to say broccoli? I really like corn and also green beans.

[W is for worst habit:]
I have to pick just one?!? I procrastinate. I'm always late. I'm lazy and slobby. I'm mean. I'm uncharitable and selfish. I'm picky. I take offense easily. Dude, why does anyone spend time with me? I think I'm going to go drink bleach now.

[X is for x-rays you've had:]
Let's see here: one on my wrist why they thought I had Corpal Tunnel Syndrome, one on my ankle when the girl put her stiletto through it. Can't think of any others.

[Y is for yummy food you make:]
I specialize in cakes and desserts, but I like to think that I can make most things pretty yummy. People have reacted well to my meats, lasagna, and sushi. *shrugs* Usually when I make it, it doesn't taste all that great to me, so it's hard for me to say for sure.

[Z is for zodiac sign:]
I am a cancer on society! July 10th, I am as Cancer as cancer can get, which usually means crazy person. Cancers are protective, sensitive, and clingy, all of which is true for me. It's also a water sign, which means that Josh is right when he compares me to a tsunami. There's the peaceful time when it looks like everything's gonna be all right, and then BAM you're flattened beneath my emotional onslaught! :)

Update: Boys, Girls, and Fast times at Margie's intestines

Hmmm. Lots to say today. Thursday night I went dancing and William blew my off quite obviously. I really couldn't care less about him, it just hurt my ego mostly. Last night I sent Jared a text asking wut up, and he replied "nuttin :P" I sent one back saying, "Oh. How interesting, " and he didn't reply. I sent another saying, "Why you no reply, you no like me no mo?" He didn't reply to that one either. Now I haven't talked to him at all, but I'm guessing he was on a date. I remember on our first date he kept getting text messages and he told me they were from the girl he had been dating, and how annoying she was and wouldn't leave him alone. I could just picture him saying those things about me last night. *shrug* I could be completely wrong, but I doubt it. Of course, we don't have a commitment, so we're both aloud to date other people, but it's possible that I've been dumped by two guys in one week. That don't help the self esteem none, I'll tell you. But I'm surprisingly cool about it. I dunno. After the William experience I was really shaken up, but I came to terms with the fact that I need to be patient and wait to see what happens as far as relationships are concerned, so I'm being level headed about it. The big problem is that I am SO ready to be married, and not just for the sex like in the past, but for the whole package (no pun intended). But obviously it's not time yet. Fortunately, I got to spend all evening with Kiera watching chick flicks, so I didn't have to sit at home obsessing. Yay! Thanks Kiera!
Jason got in contact with me again. He hasn't really talked to me since we met back on November 31st, and I told him I thought that he thought I was boring, and he said, no, he felt like he was an ass that night. Plus, he felt like he was spending too much time in front of the computer and needed to get out more. *shrug* I dunno. He was trying to get me to come over last night, but it was almost one in the morning and I had to decline. He's not as cute as I would usually like, and I really didn't feel like there was a spark, but I enjoy talking to him, and I wouldn't mind dating him a little to keep objective about you-know-who. He knows all about Jared (and William), too (as well as the fact that I don't put out), so if he still wants to get involved with me, hey, man, not my fault. Right? That's ok, right? Say it's all right. . .please?
A girl that I met on myspace who lives in Alaska and is also a Mormon single parent IM'd me last night. She had been complaining in the past about how there are no single Mormon guys up there, so she feels like she doesn't even have a choice and will never get married. Well, her boyfriend who's in the Navy, told her that he's been meeting with the missionaries and he's decided to get baptized. He also asked her to marry him and gave her quite a shiny rock for her finger. (She sent me a picture. Pretty.) Dammit. Even chicks in a barren wasteland can find a good guy. I'm happy for her, but it made me feel defective.
This morning I was awakened by strange rumblings from my stomach at exactly 7:41, and soon there after every bit of nutrition or liquid I have taken in recently decided to take a hasty departure through the exit in as expeditious and liquidy way as possible. That's been going on every since. I also have a fever of 101.7 degrees. At least I'm not throwing up, though. So that's fun. Needless to say, I'm taking a pass from tae kwon do today. Wouldn't want to spoil my nice white uniform. :) But on the up side, my weight is down to 175! That's what I weighed in high school when I saw a picture of myself and decided I was a gargantuan mammoth and didn't eat for three days straight. I wonder if my choir dress would fit me again. hmm. It's so weird, though, cause I STILL don't feel all that different. I mean, I know I'm smaller, and when I put on old clothes they fall off me, but when I look in the mirror, I don't feel like I look that different. Which obviously isn't true. Maybe it's cause I lost it so gradually. Or maybe I have a body perception disorder. :) Ten more pounds and I will be to the absolute highest peak of my ideal weight range, or as Joey put it so succinctly, "Oh, so if you lose ten more pounds, you'll be the fattest you should ever be." Yep. That's a brother all right. I'm aiming for around 145, though, so that's still 30 more pounds. I can't believe I'm so close! I want to be there NOW dammit! Yesterday outside of Kiera's house, two guys in a truck were checking me out hard core, which I used to hate when I was young and skinny. Now that I'm old, I love it! Bring on the stares, gentlemen, just keep the crass comments and hands to yourself. I choose who gets to do that stuff. :)

The force is weak with this one

I had an interesting experience today. I was in a really good mood; work is pretty easy and relaxed today, last night I had my third date with Jared in a seven day period and that all seems to be going really well, the weather is nice, I'm back down to my pre-Christmas weight, I might go dancing tonight, and all is right with the world (as far as I'm concerned.) And then I came home for lunch, and my mom started talking. And talking. And talking. And I slowly felt my life force ebb away. Suddenly the bounce is gone from my step and I feel like sitting and sedately staring at some nice wallpaper for a while. I really got to get out of this place. Someday, my friends. Someday. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

a tale of two hot guys

Tonight I had an interesting experience. Jared and I went to the mall to see a movie, but it didn't start for 45 minutes, so we went walking around the mall. We had explored three branches of said mall and then turned down the forth and final branch, walking close together and arm in arm. A few steps down I spot with my eagle eye the T-Mobile kiosk, and standing there is John (William), as that is where he works 1-10 (he very helpfully informed me while we were making out that time.) His back was to me thank heavens, and I handled things with grace and panache. I gasped audibly, released a short violent, "FUCK," and spun Jared around so we were walking back the other direction. Of course he wanted to know what happened, so I told him that "my other 22 year old was working down there. He asked if he saw us, and I said, "No, his back was to us." He said, "And if he did see us that would be. . .bad?" I replied, "Yes, because you know about him but he doesn't know about you." He wanted to know why, and I told him the truth, that I hadn't seem him since before Jared asked me out. Completely true. Pay no never mind to the fact that I've practically had no conversation with the guy at all. (There's no need for Jared to know that part.) Jared seemed a bit stiff for a while after that, so I said, "Of course if you want to see how hot he is, we could go back." He told me he didn't care about guys' hotness, and I, of course, implied that he's gay and actually does care how hot guys are and he's protesting to cover up how gay he is. I know, I am the QUEEN of relationship conversation! He still seemed stand-offish for a while and I did my best to be extremely ego stroking and flirtatious, and all the while I was half way jumping out of my skin everytime someone walked up behind me because I just KNEW that John would get off work and decide to come see The 40-Year Old Virgin and would sit right behind me and say something, or, even worse, not recognize me and NOT say anything. (Like, especially if he comes so close to me that I HAVE to say hi, and then he's like, uh. . .oh yeah, you're, uh. . .Angie, right?" THAT would be really embarrassing.) But he didn't and Jared warmed up again and all's well that ends well. Man. I'm getting too old for this sneaking around crap. :)