Hell has frozen over, folks

Ok, knowing full well that Cainnum can't listen to my audioblog, I decided to go ahead and do another post today. But everyone should still listen to my audioblog! Everyone except Joe, Shemsi, and Kiera, cause they already have. Yay! Go team!

Now you remember how when I first started dating Lawrence, I predicted that just when things are getting really good with him, Jared would pop back up? Well, I must be psychic. Yesterday, I'm talking to Candi on IM, when *brrrring* up pops a new conversation box from good ol' you know who. I was, quite frankly, astonished, and more than a little appalled. I don't even have him on my friends list anymore, so I had no idea that he was even online. I said, "Well, I never expected to talk to you again." To which he replied, "Well after the way I treated you I would be surprised if you're even willing to talk to me." Since I really just don't give a shit about him anymore, I told him that, "Live and let live is my philosophy." We exchanged the bare minimum of small talk, and I asked how the little lady's doing. He said, "Eh." I said, "That sounded enthusiastic." He told me that he basically only got back together with her and stayed with her because she helped him get his new job. Ok, first: RIIIIIGHT. Secondly: wow. And that's exactly what I said, "Wow." He said, "?" And I replied, "That just made you sound like a huge jackass." He agreed that it probably did. At this point the conversation pretty much floundered and after 5 minutes of silence I told him I needed to get ready for tae kwon do. Which was true, so I wasn't even lying.

Now, granted, Jared didn't come on to me or ask me out, but I know his methods. Everytime he gets tired of his girlfriend, he strikes up "friendly" talks with me to feel out his chances. And hopefully, things went poorly enough that he'll see that there's no chance. I was trying to figure out how to work the phrase "my boyfriend" into the conversation, but time was so short, I couldn't do it without being way obvious. Maybe that would have been a good thing, though. If only he had asked me how I'm doing, I totally could have done it then! The balls on this guy! Seriously!

Of course, I called Lawrence right away, and he laughed his ass off. He said, "If you want to go out with him, go ahead, it'll just cement in your head how much better I am!" Man, is he secure with himself. I was thinking, I dunno, I think Jared's an ass and don't want to have anything to do with him, but face to face, if he turns on the charms. . .I'm not saying I would definitely crumble, but some temptations you should just stay away from, ya know? I also don't do crack, just in case. I'm a planner that way. I told him I DO NOT want to go out with Jared. He then suggested that the three of us should get together, it would be funny. I said, "Quite frankly, I don't want anything to do with the guy. I don't want to talk to him, let alone go to lunch with him!" And he said, "I'm fine with that, too."

So, yeah. Wow. What a jackass. I wish he would grow up. But I don't even have to think about him. I'm going out with Lawrence tonight. I'm so excited! I just can't seem to spend enough time with him. tee hee.

My eyes are green/brown hazel, but they stay green almost all the time. They really only turn brown when I'm alone, and I have to be really relaxed and content. Pretty much ANY emotional excitement will turn them green, such as talking to someone or being in the same room as someone. I had told Lawrence as much, and predicted that he may never see them brown, which he's cool with cause he loves my eyes. But the other night, he looked at me and said, "Your eyes are brown. One might think you're content or something." Crazy! But a good crazy I think. *big goofy grin*

Look! A bandwagon! Let's jump on it!

my wonderful weekend

Hello chicos y chicas! I am having the best time lately! Who knew life could be so much fun? Not me, that's for sure!

Saturday, Lawrence and I went to the Modern, which of course, I love. He doesn't know much about modern art, so I got to explain it to him some, and I think we had the must fun at this one exhibit where the artist had taken a picture of his wife with her three sisters every year from 1970 to now and they were all lined up around the room in order. It was really interesting to see them age and change. Lawrence kept thanking me for being willing to go to cultural events with him. Him. Thanking me. Uh. . .don't women usually have to drag men kicking and screaming to stuff like that?

Sunday, he came and picked me up to take me to his house because he made me dinner. He also brought me some gorgeous flowers. He made this chicken with a lemon gravy and lemon rice. It was deliciouso. Is this guy for real? If I hadn't known him when he was married and didn't already know that he treated his first wife with the utmost chivalry, I would think it was all an act just to catch me. Seriously. I feel like I'm finally getting the pay off for having to put up with such creeps all the other times I've dated. We also watched Amelie, which, for those of you not in the know, is a delightful French romantic comedy with subtitles. He actually seemed like he enjoyed it!

*sigh* Yep. Life is good. Now if only I don't fail my classes. Soon I will write about something else. I promise. Well, I'll try.

Fill in a good title here. I can't think of one.

Man, having a boyfriend is time consuming. I seem to spend all my free time talking to Lawrence on the phone. Which I enjoy, but then I realize that I've spent the hour and a half I had set aside for homework talking, and this happens repeatedly. At least I'm enjoying the time spent throwing away my education. And I'm two eps behind on Gilmore Girls, but for some reason, I'm having a hard time stressing out about it. But I think I've gotten boring, because I can't think of a damn thing to write about other than Lawrence. Sad really. Now I'm going to clean my room, dammit. The mess has gotten to the point that it's making me crazy. Plus Lawrence's house made feel like a slob. He was all apologizing for the mess and said, "You can tell I live like a bachelor." I looked around, and I was like, uh. . .mess? Where? It was completely immaculate. When I said this, he pointed out that there were piles of bills on the kitchen table. Oh the horror. I couldn't stand being in such a pig sty a second longer. lol. Wow. I think if we do get married, he might suffer from culture shock.

Plus-my mom has wedding fever already. Yesterday at lunch, she was planning who could help and stuff. She's never really talked about that kind of thing before, so I didn't realize she was into that sort of thing. She and dad eloped, so maybe she has wedding needs piled up from her own life.

Last night, for the first time in years I had a dream that wasn't a searching dream! Yay! Those searching dreams were frustrating, I'm glad to see them go.

daily crap

There's this guy that stands at the corner of 377 and 1171 everyday during high traffic times and holds up these signs saying "Holiness unto the Lord," and, "Please ask for news." He's also put up a large wooden croos made from 2x4s. As I pass him 4 times averyday on way to and from work, and to and from lunch, I have gotten to the point that have to actively suppress the urge to stop and ask him for news. You know, like, "So, what's the latest on the war in Iraq?" Or, "How's the guy that Dick Cheney shot doing?" It's mean, I know, and fortunately my laziness overcomes my mean streak just about everytime.

Guess what. I have a boyfriend! Tee hee. Yep. Lawrence and I decided we're a couple now. I know, you're getting whiplash from my mood changes, but I really like him now. He's so funny and sweet! Yeah, he's still a dork, but I think I can handle it. :)

Last time I weighed I had lost 5 more pounds! I hope I really lost them and they weren't just hiding.

Back in the saddle

Good news! Lawrence is on the good list again. Turns out I was feeling pressured and being wiggy before, and we went shopping yesterday, and it all came out and we talked and it's all good now. After I found out he's not planning on popping the question next week or anything, I was able to relax and we had lots of fun all afternoon and evening. And I got him to promise not to overwhelm me with gifts. I wouldn't let him by me anything at the mall, even thought he tried several times. Then tonight was the Single Adult fireside, and we ended up holding hands and cuddling up together the entire two hours. Afterward, we ended up talking in the parking lot for hours (Ok, it wasn't JUST talking. And Dr. Cudd, Kevin Peters, and Jim Kepple came out in the middle of us making out. How embarrassing!) and we connected really well.

On the superficial front, I finally brought up his glasses and how much I don't like them, and I found out he doesn't like them either! He's already planning on getting new smaller ones, and asked me if I'd come along to help pick out the frames! Yay! And he even offered to shave his beard without any prompting from me! Sweet!

I told him that back when I was friends with him 11 years ago, that I totally thought that if he wasn't married already I would totally go out with him, and he confessed that he kinda had a crush on me back then. tee hee.

We're going out on Saturday, to a place of my choosing, so I have to figure out what I want to do. He asked if he could please do something for me for Valentine's Day, and after a short discussion, I agreed that he could get me something small. That made him happy, and I like making men happy. :) Good times. Yep. I definitely like him.

ungood

Bad news, boys and girls. Lawrence is starting to bug me. What with the being a huge dork and the adoring stares. Yeah. Hmm. I still going out with him some more, to give him a fair chance, but I'm not sure this train is going anywhere.

Chopping block: because serial killers are people too

I know I usually post every other day, but I have started reading the fucking funniest web comic ever. It's really dark, and you'll have to have a super dooper dark sense of humor like me to like it, but I think some of you will. I was going to put one on here, but apparently I can't. So here's the link: www.choppingblock.org Go read it and come back and tell me what you think!

finally been kissed!

The symphony was not as bad as I thought it would be. It was actually kinda fun. It was done as a narrative, and the narrator was none other than Anthony Daniels, that's right, C3-P0 himself. He was funny, too. Everytime there was a mention of C3-P0 in the narrative, he would totally play up his part, like saying, "the HEROIC C3-P0," and so on. And the conductor would give him dirty looks. Good times. During the Imperial march, storm troopers marched up and down the aisles and Darth Vader threatened us from the organist's perch. Lawrence held my hand on the way in. Isn't that cute? And he kept telling me things during the symphony, which meant whispering in my ear, which totally turns me on. Also, on the way there, he basically said that he's worried because he knows that I can do better that him, looks wise. (I'm paraphrasing on that.) I wasn't really sure how to respond to that. I was like, "uh. . .thank you?" He laughed.

Afterward, he told me that he's the kind of guy that likes to shower a woman with gifts like flowers, jewelry, candy, etc, all the time, not just on holidays, and wanted to know if I'm comfortable with that. I told him that I don't know, because in all the time I've been dating, I've received a total of 2 gifts from guys, and one was flowers and a teddy bear on Valentines day that was accompanied by being dumped. He was appalled, and he said, "So, you're going from totally drought to me. Well, you're dating a higher quality of loser now, you'll get used to it."

He was talking about buying a four door sedan (he's driving a Ford Ranger right now), and he was checking to see which ones I like. I said I like roomy cars that go fast, and he was like, "So, you wouldn't mind if I bought a Dodge Charger?" I said, "I don't know what that is." "It's a muscle car," he said, "but it's still got room inside." I was like, "Oh, yeah, I love muscle cars!" I made sure he knows I don't drive a stick. :) Literally, not metaphorically. In my experience, when a guy's getting car approval from a girl, he's got intentions.

When we got back to my house, he came in and Mom and Joe attacked like rabid wombats and talked to him for about 40 minutes, and at one point Joe was saying that whenever someone gets divorced, they always have a rebound relationship afterwards. (Joe was saying this because he's considering dating a girl that recently left her husband, not in reference to Lawrence being divorced.) But Lawrence said, "Well, that's not always true. I tried to wait long enough that hopefully that won't happen." And he looked straight at me when he said it. It made me smile.

So, I walked him out, and it seemed like he wasn't going to kiss me, so I just said, "You know, if you don't kiss me soon, I'm gonna have to start using feminine wiles, and I'm not good with feminine wiles, so nobody wants that, it wouldn't work out well." After a short conversation about that, he finally went for it. Tee hee! So I found out that he can make my heart go pitter pat after all. Yay! But now I'm even hornier than normal, and that is not something I would have thought possible. My productivity is shot to hell today, and I'm hardly getting anything done at work. *Sigh* Oh well, at least there's not too much pressing. I'll see him again Friday! Yay!

Still no kissing yet

Hey, remember back a long, long time ago before Jared asked me out when I hadn't had a real date in 8 years? What the heck did I blog about back then? Nobody knows. I guess I probably bitched about my mother. She's not so annoying these days, so I guess without boys, I wouldn't have a thing to say. Sad really.

Lawrence called me on Saturday and invited me to the symphony Tuesday night. And I talked to him again on Sunday, and he seems far more comfortable with me all of the sudden. He even made reference to "our children." Meaning the ones en potentia. Hmm. He was asking me what kind of smells I'm allergic to, so that he doesn't use air freshener at his house that would give me allergies, and was rather dismayed to find out about my allergy to roses. I told him that I still like roses and I could keep them in a different room and visit them sometimes. I also told him that I'm allergic to lavender and sandalwood. He said, "Well, I guess I can throw out that sandalwood massage oil." Hmm. He said he'd call me tonight. Even though we talked on the last two days and I'll see him tomorrow, and we already have another date on Friday. Hmm. I guess that taking things slow bit is a thing of the past. In the words of Captain Jack Sparrow, "That's interesting." But I have a secret. I think I like him. Lots. Tee hee.

Dance everybody dance everybody dance!

So, apparently, my (almost non-existent) relationship with Andy is so epic, so Homeric, that it spans not one, but TWO whole blogs! Epic! Homeric! So, what do you say Andy? Let's bury the hatchet and be bestest buds. For the children. Won't somebody think of the children? (Said children being Josh and Shemsi.) Can't you see the hate is tearing them apart!?! Check this box for yes, and this one for no. Uh. . .I don't know how to make boxes, so, I guess, never mind.

On a completely unrelated topic, tonight I went to the single adult church dance, and it was entirely unremarkable, except for one thing. There was this guy there who started talking to me (after I asked him if he dropped drugs in my drink while I was gone. He said he did.) and he was from the Czech Republic originally, but lives in Houston and is here visiting friends for the weekend. He was ruggedly handsome, and was kinda flirting with me, and we were talking about cars, which he apparently likes to buy, and he told me I need to find a guy to buy me a car, so of course I cuddled up to him, and when I did I got his cologne all over me. Now, of all the things that turn me on, and the list is quite vast, believe you me, cologne is BY FAR the number one item on the list. Seriously. Nothing gets my engine cranked faster than the smell of cologne. I have no idea why. So, every since then, I smell like cologne. And now I'm all like, "How YOU doin'." To myself. Cause I smell so damn good. I'm thinking about trying to get into my pants. But I don't want me to think myself easy. Maybe I should take myself out to dinner first. Actually, everyone was going to IHOP after the dance and they all wanted me to go, but I'm all headachey and tired because of my sinus infection, but I seriously considered going to spend more time with Yurig. I think that's how you spell his name. Eh, who cares, I'll never see him again. But then I was like, nah, I probably won't be able to get him to make out with me, so what's the point? :) I swear, I'm the worst Mormon ever.

So, I promised I would try to be clever and scintillating this time, but I feel I missed that lofty goal. Sorry about that. But you still have to keep reading, because you never can tell when the clever and scintillating might strike! I guess I should go take my clothes off now. To get the cologne smell off me! Get your mind out of the gutter!

Hey. What's up.

Well, I know I said that I would share with you the messages that Jared and I have been exchanging, but, well, I just don't feel like it. Quite frankly I am sick of the whole thing. Let's just say that we are through, and we're not even friends anymore, and I am pretty fine with that. I even removed him from my friends list on myspace and yahoo messenger. It sure as hell makes my life a whole lot less complicated, and now I don't have to waste one more second of my time or efforts on that fucker. Except in a business capacity. Get this: in the middle of all this, Rene says, "We have everyone's W-2's, but we don't have an address for Jared for some reason. So you need to call him and get his address so you can mail that to him." Fun. So, I've left messages on his house phone and his cell phone and he hasn't called back. I figure at this point it's his own damn problem. This is the message I left, "This is Margie at American Dental Arts. We have your W-2, but we don't seem to have an address for you. So you need to come pick it up or call and give us your address so we can get that mailed out to you. The phone number is 1-800-417-6777." Just like that. And now I will stop talking about him. Good riddance.


But on to other things that piss me off. Like the radio. The other day, the universe came together to play only songs that I hate. Get this:

The Edge: that damn Jewish regae guy. Last name of Yahoo I think. I hate that stupid song. I don't care how many cultures you combine in a song, if one of them is regae, it's gonna suck.

Mix: That Nickelback Photographs song. You know, the first 17 times I heard that song, I thought it was tolerable. Then during the course of the next 145,783,297 times I heard it, I started finding it annoying. Now it makes me want to kill people. Specifically: Nickelback. And maybe all the radio program managers in the area.

Jack: Some song that I've never heard before, but in 4 notes, I identified that it came from the 70's, and it blows.

On to second string-

Oldies station: Unchained Melody by the Everly Brothers. AHHHHHH! MY EARS! MY PRECIOUS EARS!!!! I FUCKING hate HATE HATE this song.

Soft Rock station: It's In His Kiss by Cher. It's a lie Cher! LIES! It's not in his kiss at all! You tell if a man loves you by his actions, not by how well he makes out with you! Stop leading young girls astray with your lies!

I would rather listen to Beastie Boys or commercials than any of those songs, and anyone that knows me can tell you that THAT is extreme. So. That was crazy. It was too clever, too maniacal to be an accident, it was obviously a government plot to make me hate the radio even more so that I will subscribe to satellite radio or buy more cd's. It's all about spending money my friends. I will not be held responsible for the economy though! So there! Next time I will try to be clever and scintillating, I promise.