Things I hate, revisited

I decided it's time to cover the list of things I hate. I like to keep up to date on these things. It's important to be able to identify and list the things you hate so you don't get confused. So, without further ado:

Scorching heat: Strangely, despite the fact that I have lived in Texas all my life, I still hate being so hot if feels as if my skin is melting off. You'd think I'd adjust. Some mammals are so unadaptable!

The owner of my building at work: This guy has major little man syndrome. He's shorter than me, and he drives a HUGE jacked up F-250 pick up truck. It's gigantic, and it pisses me off to no end. Plus, on the back window, he has a huge Oakley sticker. Can anyone say poser? So not only does this man drive an unnecessarily gargantuan vehicle, he parks it in the best spot, right next to the door. If he gets there late and can't get the best spot, he goes down and actually MOVES his truck while everyone's gone for lunch! Can you believe that? It's not like this is a mall parking lot. There's only about 20 spots, so I have no problem walking to a further spot. My problem is that his truck is so freakin huge that you can't see around it to back up. So by the time you've backed out enough to see whether cars are coming, they're having to swerve around you to avoid hitting you. When I was driving dad's huge truck, I parked at the end so that nobody was parking near me. He is a selfish ass, and I physically have to restrain myself from keying his truck on a regular basis.

Nazis: Sure, they have kick ass fashions. But a great sense of style does NOT give a person a right to attempt genocide.

Catholic art: Statue of Christ: Slightly off putting, but tolerable. Statue of Christ with blood dripping from his thorn of crowns and his heart, which he is TOUCHING, sticking out of his chest for God only knows whatever reason: FREAKY. Seriously, what's up with that shit? Who wants to see that? Catholic artists must be some fucked up freaks.

Ham

My boyfriend's job: which has been taking all of his free time and turning him into a slobbering brain damaged lump of stress whom I hardly get any time with anymore and when I do get time he's not his old self cause he's useless for anything other than jumping nervously everytime the phone rings and having a facial twitch.

People at church asking if I'm engaged YET: No. NO. I'm not engaged yet. If I were engaged, you would see a FUCKING RING. Do you see a fucking ring? Then I'm not fucking engaged yet. SO FUCKING LAY OFF! At first, it was slightly amusing, but now it has become seriously fucking tiresome, so FUCKING STOP IT.

Video game bugs: I hate when games crash. And it seems like they do it at the worst possible time. Like when you've been working SO hard to make it to a certain point, and you're ALMOST there, and you say, "You know, I haven't saved in a while, I better save before I go in this castle," and BAM. That's when it happens. And you lose two hours of gameplay. If not more. I had a version of Oregon Trail that crashed right as you got to Oregon, everytime. Doesn't that suck? All that travel and no payoff! What? Yeah, I play Oregon Trail! I happen to love Oregon Trail, and have since I was in fifth grade. You got a problem with that? Well, do ya punk?

My mom: No really. I love my mom. But I really hate her too. The idea that I could be married eventually and actually move out of her house has made living with her almost unbearable. She doesn't even have to do anything and I want to roll my eyes and leave the room. I think I might be damaged.

Getting burned: I got burned on my fingers this week. It sucks.

MySpace: I used to enjoy MySpace. I don't know what happened. I think I got a life or something. Weird. I really don't like strangers sending me messages or requesting a spot on my friend's list. I really don't like 14 year olds, which MySpace is rife with. I really don't like strangers sending me propaganda against my religion. That happened. WTF? Who does he think he is? It really pissed me off. I leave my profile up so that I can stay in touch with certain people, but it's really getting stale as far as I'm concerned.

Having to stay in contact with people I don't care about: Used to be, you work with someone and you enjoy working with them alright, but you don't really have much in common beside working together, and then one day one of you quits and you never speak to them again, and no one cares. Well, no more my friends! Now you exchange email addresses, and you have to stay in contact with them for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. But, of course, they never answer the emails where you ask them how they're doing or anything, instead they send you perpetual emails about how if you love God you won't delete this and will send it on to prove you're not ashamed, or emails about how important you are and you're such a good friend complete with annoying pictures of watercolor cherubs and a really lame-ass poem, and you have to send this to at least 5 other people who make a difference in your life. Gack. Do me a favor. Keep your stupid forwards. I'll send you an email when I get married or die and you can do the same, oh-kay?

Mormons: Yes, yes, I am fully aware that I am Mormon. But DEAR LORD some Mormons are so freaking annoying! I'm not even joking. Why, as a group, do they have to be so holier-than-thou and goody two shoes? Why is it that only a few of us have figured out that you can be Mormon without being really annoying and without being a big old goober? (I realize I leave myself open to a barrage of insults at this juncture. I say to you, take the high road, man. Take the high road.)

People who drive slow

Mattress commercials and car commercials: Seriously. Why do I need to hear a mattress commercial at EVERY SINGLE COMMERCIAL BREAK? I will buy a mattress every, what? 5-10 years? I think that when the time comes, I can find a mattress with, say, a commercial just once an hour. Really. I know, I know, it's crazy, but I really don't think I need to be reminded every 15 minutes that I can possibly buy something that I will really only need a few times in my life time. And car commercials. SO loud. So annoying. I'm speaking not of the ones from the makers, which can actually be kinda cute. I'm speaking of dealership commercials. Grrr. They make me want to stab people. And I can't tell you how many mattress stores and car dealerships I will NEVER go to based SOLELY on their annoying ads. Sad really.

Well, I should stop. If I list everything I hate this could take tomes, or maybe fill up the entire internet. These are just the things that have been preying on my mind lately. Feel free to add to my list. I'm sure what you hate is something I hate. I have plenty of hate to share.

Meet the Parents

Last week, my entire life flashed before my eyes. My future life, that is. Lawrence told me that his parents are coming to visit in November, and they SPECIFICALLY said they want to meet me. How disturbing. I mean, I know that the day had to come eventually, but to be faced with the actuality is frightening. What if they don't like me? What if I don't like them? (That's a distinct probability according to Lawrence.) Lawrence's mom is fugly. I've seen pictures. Sad but true. Suddenly, confronted with this, I saw the years fly by in my head, complete with future Christmasses, funerals, family reunions, etc. I don't even like my OWN extended family, and suddenly I'll have a whole bunch more and I don't even have the advantage of shared DNA to smooth the way. *sigh* They also asked if they'll be meeting Ethan on this trip and Lawrence was like, hold on, let's take this one step at a time. I wonder if they will meet my parents while they are here? Weird. It's kinda freaking me out to be honest. My reaction is kinda, "HOLD ON! WAIT! This is adult stuff! I'm not ready for this! I'm a free spirit, you can't tie me down!" Although, of course, that's ridiculous. I'm 32. How old does my subconscious think I need to be to get married? My mother once told me that she felt like an 18 year old that wakes up every morning in the body of an old lady. I really didn't understand what she meant at the time. I mean, I wouldn't say that I feel like an 18 year old. More like a 21 year old. It's weird, I know, and I know I've learned and changed since then, but I still feel like a kid at heart. Well, as much of a kid as I ever was, which is not much. I mean really, I've always been a cranky old lady at heart. When I was at recess, one of my favorite activities was arranging the fallen leaves into life-size house floor plans. In elementary school, I would scowl at the stupid childish antics of the other kids. I was the one the teacher told to take names when she left the room. Yeah. Like I said, I wasn't much of a kid. But anyway. So, that's something that's been happening with me. But, I can put that out of my head, because before the fateful meeting comes the Pet Shop Boys concert! YAY!

Funny things

Here are some funny things that I have heard or read recently:

Funniest thing I've heard recently:

"I'm a tiny invincible guy." -my son, while playing New Super Mario Bros, after getting a tiny mushroom and a star.

Funniest song line I've heard recently:

"Sometimes it makes me want to laugh. Sometimes it makes me want to take my toaster in the bath." -Blink 182. Don't remember the name of the song, but it's track 2 on the greatest hits album.

Funniest text message:

Me: "Argh. Yer booty shivers me timbers!"
My boyfriend: "Then prepare to be boarded!"

Funniest joke:

"A guy was complaining that his Texan girlfriend ate ranch dressing on everything, and he just didn't get it. Later in the week, he complained to the same friend that she wouldn't go down on him. His friend said, 'well, have you tried putting ranch on it?'" That joke's not so funny for itself, but I am unusually amused by the idea of putting ranch on a guy's wanker. I don't know why. Just smile and nod.

Funniest polite action

My boyfriend trying not to brush stuff off of my shirt (specifically in the breasticle area) while my son was standing next to him. Maybe you had to be there.

ok. that's all I think. good day.

evolution of the language

My brother has invented a new swear word, and I quite like it. It is smack-dammit! I think we should propagate this word. We should all start saying it, nurture it and let it grow. I expect to hear each and every one of you saying smack-dammit before the week is out, SMACK-DAMMIT!

My stupid car loan people refuse to accept the fact that I have insurance. My insurance people swear they have sent the car loan people the policy. Now I have received a letter from my car loan people saying that since I won't get insurance, they are buying it for me, and it will cost $86.50 a month. I am already paying $82 for full coverage! Gar. How annoying. The insurance lady says she will call them, so I need to fax this letter to her so she can do that. So SO annoying.

I have to go back to work now. See ya!

Seven. Not the kind with severed heads and crap.

Since I now have a relatively normal life that is sans Soap Opera love life drama, I am the most boring. blogger. ever. I almost feel the need to make up Jared stories to spice things up a bit. But, sad to say, my love life is awesome, my boyfriend is amazing, my friends are intelligent and supportive, my job is satisfying and pays well, and my life looks to be going nowhere but up. Which is very satisfying and joyful. But makes for a life that you really don't really want to hear about. Sad but true. Maybe I should purposefully introduce drama into my life so that you can be entertained! I remember at the end of one of my favorite books, a Heinlein book called "Friday," the main character. . .Friday. . .says that years pass that you, the reader, wouldn't find interesting, years of raising babies and making dinners and living life. I never really understood that until now. So, here to fill the hole left by my happiness, I present to you a cut and paste quiz that my friend Kiera wants me to do. So there you go.

7 Things I want to do before I die:
-have sex again
-learn to play an instrument
-learn Japanese
-travel the world
-open an art gallery
-finish college
-master SOMETHING athletic (some kind of dance, marshal art, or sport)

7 Things I cannot Do:
-touch my toes without bending my knees
-make pancakes
-drive a stick
-do housework in my pajamas
-learn how to play poker
-eat soy and soy products
-a cartwheel

7 Things that attracted me to my spouse (I'm not married, so this is about my boyfriend):
-he's nice
-he's thoughtful
-we could (and did) talk for hours
-his broad shoulders
-he's financially stable
-he has a real job
-he's a good Mormon man

*bonus reason-he's not 10 years younger than me! :)

7 Things I say often:
- right?!?
-you know what I'm saying?
-I hear ya
-Can I poke you in the eye?
-oh holy crap
-ok, here's the plan. . ./So, what's the plan, here?
-I will stab you.

7 Books I am currently reading/are on the reading list:
-The Fairy Godmother by Mercedes Lackey
-The Unhandsome Prince by John Moore
-Bad Prince Charlie by John Moore
-The next Terry Goodkind book. . .someday
-The Book of Mormon by God
-uh. . .I don't really read with an itinerary, I usually see how I feel when I finish a book.
-the only reason I have so many on my list right now is because my boyfriend loaned all these to me

7 Movies I could watch over and over:
-French Kiss
-Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat
-Amelie
-O Brother Where Art Thou?
-So I Married an Ax Murderer
-The Hudsucker Proxy
-Shaun of the Dead

7 People I'd like to See do a list like this:
-Josh
-Cainnum
-Dave
-High Maintenance Hussy (Even though she doesn't do her blog anymore)
-Lawrence (Even though he doesn't have a blog)
-Joe (Ditto)
-Bobbie (ditto ditto)

Now I am certified to wear spandex shorts

Herro! Some good things have been happening to me lately. I am now the proud owner of a new bike. It is pretty. When I ride it I wobble around like a little kid. Here is what it looks like:

I took the picture from an artistic picture, complete with our kitty to add interest. Do you like it? Now I can ride bikes with my son, who has constantly been ASKING me to, every since he got his own new bike that his grandfather gave him. Well, not constantly, as he's been spending the better part of the last week and a half with his paternal grandparents because his cousin is visiting for two weeks. So I've been Ethan free once again. I actually miss him sometimes. See! I DO have a uterus and estrogen! Yay!

The second good thing that happened was kinda weird. It's really slow at work right now. Like, REALLY slow. This week, I worked 2 1/2 days. So, being concerned with money, I decided to not pay extra on all my credit cards like I usually do, but rather to only pay the minimum due. Not wanting to bother finding all my most current statements, I just called the number on the back of each card to get an automated voice telling me just the information I want to hear. When I called Citicard, I entered my number as instructed, and there was a long silence, then an operator came on. I told him I was sorry, I was just trying to get the automated thingy to tell me my due date and amount due. He said it was really slow, so he doesn't mind. He told me my due date, and then asked me to hold for my amount due. I held, and when he came back, he told me my amount due, but explained to me that my accounts in default for some reason, and he was going to check on it. I though this was weird as I make my payments regularly, but it would certainly explain why I got a letter last month saying that my interest rate was going up substantially. When he came back on the line, he told me that I had missed a payment in February, and he adjusted it to take care of that missed payment so it's not all skewed and he said lots of stuff involving words like 'transfer', 'balance', 'principle', and 'interest'. Don't ask me, I just smile and nod. But long story short *too late* he said that my account is no longer in default and he got my interest rate reduced by 6%! How sweet is that! I told him that this is why I love Citicard. Everytime I call an operator, they totally got my back. So, I am pretty damn happy about that. Yay!

People have been asking me what Juliana's fiance looks like, so in response to inquiring minds, I decided to post the picture that came with the invite. Here you go:

Ok. The technology is failing me. I have tried three times to upload this picture, and three times, it has told me it worked, and just not been here. So I guess it's not to be. Make that four times. I decided to try again, but to no avail. So sorry.

Today I was so tired, I came home from work at one, and mom wanted to go to lunch so we did, then I came home and slept for three hours. That's not like me. Weird.

Anyhoo. I've lost all momentum here, and So You Think You Can Dance is about to start, so I guess I'll see ya round. Peace out, yo!

Oh yeah! PS-the more commercials I see for Snakes on a Plane, the more in love with this movie I am! Seriously, I want to see that flick so BAD! It looks cheez-a-rific!

I have been an irresponsible blogger. . .

and I apologize. I have not been posting as I should. But, since I've been PMSing unusually badly this week, the posts that I might have made would not have been pleasant.

Ethan is staying with his paternal grandmother this weekend, and my parents and BFF went to Austin, so I have been free! Free of obligations, both filial and social. It's been kinda nice. I am sitting here at the computer surfing and blogging, and my mother is not sighing and hanging around because SHE wants to use the computer to play luxor or something; neither is she lecturing me on how I SHOULD be spending less time on the computer and MORE time with my son. I figure, he's nine. Does he want to spend every waking moment with me? No. He wants to play video games and ride his bike down to his friend's house. But since SHE'S completely codependent and has to spend every waking hour with someone, preferably one of her children, she thinks everyone should be the same way. Man, this totally reminds me of how smothered I always felt as a child. And as an adult. I mean, I used to do things that were against the rules so that I would get sent to my room so that I could read or just be by myself. I started that before I was even in school. If I just went to CLEAN my room, mom would keep calling me into the room she was in and demand that I spend time with her. How nuts is that? But, I digress. After this, I will probably go play Psychonauts. Yesterday I finished the milkman conspiracies level and started into the insane asylum. It's such a fun game! I also took this opportunity to shower with the bathroom door open! Nah. I couldn't do it. I still had to shut the door, just in case Joe came home from his girlfriend's house. But I did walk to the bathroom partially naked! HA! In your face family living! TAKE THAT! (And when I say partially naked, I mean with just my white bikini cut panties on, for anyone who feels like picturing the scene.) (Ignore that last aside if you are one of my brothers.) (D'oh. I should have said THAT aside first, huh?)

Now let's see. This post had drama (with the PMS), cute kids, tension (the mom part), and nudity. What's missing? AH! Explosions! Uh. . .I saw a commercial this morning where the guy's car exploded! How's that? Man, this could totally be a blockbuster! Who wants to write the screenplay?

Happy day. . .another girl off the market

Today I received an envelope addressed to "Sexy M and friends." So, friends, here's the news. Juliana is getting married! The bitch, stealing my thunder. Ehem. We are invited to her reception on August 19th at 4 pm. This is occurring in Rockwall, TX, where ever the hell that is. I hear about it on the news sometimes, so it must not be too far. Ewww, at the country club! Fancy! Oh, Expedia says it's only an hour from my house in BFE, so that's not bad. Not like Shemsi and Andy's reception. I mean DAMN! That was like, what 14 hours? Oh. . .uh. . .anyway. :) According to Julianna, she moved to Arkansas to take care of her grandfather and met the perfect guy. So, congratulations are in order, and clear your calendar for that day if you're going. Skomps!