At least it's not a corset

Alright boys, this post is one you might not understand, but feel free to read on for informational value. I'm complaining about bras today. Yes, that's right-bras. They are so freaking annoying. I don't understand why ever little girl can't wait to get boobs, cause they are just a nuisance for the most part, but I'm not complaining about boobs today, so back on topic. I have 2 bras. I have one that is really comfortable and works really well in most circumstances, and one "sports" bra that I bought for more support during those exercise times, but actually provides less support than my regular bra. Now this is simply not enough bras. And I know some people are actually grossed out by the idea of wearing the same bra every day. So every once in a while, I try to get more bras, and this is where the trouble starts. First of all, bras are pretty expensive. I mean, you can find one for ten bucks, but I've found out the hard way that when your over the shoulder boulder holders are supporting this much weight, they should be quality craftsmanship. The ten dollar ones don't fit very well, are uncomfortable, and wear out pretty fast. So to get a good one, you're lucky to get it for $20, but usually they're more like $22-$28. Sometimes you can catch a sale, like buy two get one free and so forth. But the big problem is, that you can find one for that price, and then when you wear it for 4-8 hours, you find out it's not comfortable for the long haul, or it doesn't fit right after it gets settled or something like that. And it's pretty upsetting to drop 25 smackers on something you only wear once, unless it's a prom dress, that would be a good deal. So I have a drawer full of bras I never wear, for a variety of reasons. And I can't throw them away, cause I spent good money on them, and who am I gonna give them to? I don't know anyone that has boobs my size. And I personally don't believe in giving underwear to resale stores cause I think that's gross, even though there's no fluids coming from my breasts (except for a time after my son was born) I still feel it's unsanitary somehow to pass along a bra. Maybe I'm weird. Anyhoo. So you have all this pressure to get just the right one to buy so you don't waste your money, cause, quite frankly, I'm poor all the damn time. So my bra is getting too big because I'm losing weight. So today I decided to go a-lookin' for a new bra or three. I went to Lane Bryant, cause it's a store for fatties like me, and my mom loves their bras, so I thought it was a good choice. I was in luck! A buy 2 get 1 free sale! Hooray! So I pick out a selection of bras in several sizes. No luck. So I adjust the sizes I'm picking. Again, no luck. I think I tried on 14 bras, and yet, I couldn't find a single one that I liked. Most of the bras out there have under wires, which is a c shaped wire that goes under and around the boob and supposedly provides support, but on me, they usually dig into my rib cage, which isn't comfortable. Of the ones that don't have underwires, many of them have like a sleeve or band that goes down the torso for a couple of inches. I know from experience that those roll like crazy on me. Many of their bras were, get this, padded. I know! And they even had these little bags of air in little pockets on the inside of the bra. Now tell me why in the world a woman that is trying on a DD bra needs help in this area! SERIOUSLY! Just for anyone who's not aware, small breasts are A. Slightly larger is B. C is widely considered "perfect" although I would say it has a lot to do with the woman's frame and stuff. D is large. DD is, well. . . huge. They even have triple D. Sad really. Of course there are women that need larger sizes than these, At JCPenney you can order up to an H in some bras. But still. Anyone who's seen my breasts knows that I don't need padding and innertubes. So bra sizing experts say that you should chose a bra that will leave no red marks on your back or shoulders. I would like to see this mystical bra, cause I have NEVER found a bra that didn't leave a mark somewhere. I used to have an underwire that rubbed the sides of my breasticles so much they chapped and bled. Can you imagine? So if you do manage to find a bra that fits right and doesn't kill you, then you have to actually see how your breast look in it. Are they all squished together? Are they seperated and shooting off to the sides? Are they drooping down way too low? Are they up so high you look silly and have trouble breathing to boot? Between all these many factors, you can see why I still only have 2 bras. It's sad. I really want more. Maybe when I get down to my ideal weight I'll go back to being a 36C. You can find bras by the gross when you're a 36C. That would be sweet!

Damn boys!

Dammit. My whole life philosophy has been changed against my will. There I was, convinced I was never going to marry, and perfectly happy with the idea. I didn't have to worry about boys any more, or whether somebody noticed me, or how I looked or anything. I was just concentrating on living a good life and being the best me for me. When I saw a cute guy, I would think, "He's cute." And the thought process would end there. No wondering if I have a chance or if my hair's messed up or anything. It was a wonderful thing. And then along comes this boy, this boy who's pretty easy on the eyes, and lots of fun to spend time with, and he asks me out. I'm like, it's cool, I'm not a nun or anything, so I go out with him, thinking I can have a little fun before we go on our separate ways, none the worse for wear. So I go out with him a few times, and then I get to where I'm thinking about him WAY more than I should be. That's bad, and I've even considered not seeing him anymore just for that. But then, Saturday at the waterpark was a church activity, so I felt a particular kinship with everybody there because we share a religion, even though I didn't know lots of them because it was for everybody that's Mormon in this entire area. I spent the entire evening floating around the lazy river because the natatorium was closed and the slides had a long line all the way to the ground. So there was this guy, also floating around the lazy river, and as the evening progressed we kept floating in approximately the same area. We both were floating by ourselves for the most part, although people I knew would come talk to me for a little while and then go on their way again. He was cute, with long brown hair and kinda pointy features, and it seemed like he kept looking at me, although I couldn't be sure because the entire place was packed. So I found myself looking at his ring finger to make sure he wasn't wearing one, and trying to decide if I should approach him and stuff like that, and then I realized what I was doing. DAMMIT. I am back in the game. DAMN DAMN DAMN. I was so happy out of the game. And I can't just go back. It's a state of mind, and you can't just flip it like a switch. Josh is right, it's just like growing your hair out. Dammit.

It was the best of times. . .

Since we met last, my life has improved vastly. There were a few of those worries in my last blog that were ACTUAL worries and some progress has been made. One of the things that I was worried about that I didn't really talk about was the fact that I wasn't sure I was going to be able to go to school this fall after all. I wasn't able to get a transcript from TWU because I'm still paying them. Also, I was told by Joe that I would have to take the TASP (which is now the THEA), and I probably wouldn't be able to take it in time and would have to wait until next Semester to start classes. So I started getting a, "what's the point of going," sort of feeling. Well, I went up there and gave them my Phillips transcript and found out that some of my Phillips classes DO count for credit, which I thought wasn't the case, so I'm totally stoked about that. And, I found out that my English 4 AP, and college algebra classes exempt me from those portions of the THEA! HOORAY! I was really worried about passing the math part. Seriously. She said I would still need to take the writing part, which has always been a pretty easy thing for me. I once, in English 4 AP, passed an essay test on a book I didn't read, just by reading the back cover and the first page of the book and then talking the crap out of it, so I think I can handle a little standardized writing test. So I went to the business office to schedule my test, and found out that all the slots for the tests were full, but they still have some openings at the August 12th test in Gainesville. YAY! I can drive to Gainesville, that's not a problem! And they told me that it's ok if I can't get a transcript from TWU, all I have to do is get a letter from the collections agency saying that I've been paying, and all will be right. I can't believe how well it all went. Things never go that well for me, so I'm half way waiting for the other shoe to drop! Also, Jared text. . .texted. . .texd, I have no idea what the past tense of text is, but he did it, and it turns out his hard drive completely died and his computer's been down all week. He wasn't avoiding me after all! So we went to see Unleashed last night, which was AWESOME! Everybody go see it, it's only $2! You can't beat that deal! And then we went to his place and he played guitar for a while, and he is REALLY talented. It was really cool, and pretty hot. I never understood groupies before. And then we watched Mr Bean (the movie) which wasn't so good, but that's ok. And that's all I'm saying about that evening. :) Anyhoo. It's time for tae kwon do. I'll float to it on the fog of happiness that I'm riding until it all comes crashing down around my ears.

today is the afternoon of my discontent

Today I have been struck by a large burst of lethargy and paranoia. I really don't know where it came from, but it struck in the mid-afternoon, before that I was fine. I think it might be because I got really hot when I was doing a pick-up at work today, and then when I got back nobody was there and I spent the rest of the afternoon alone. I think it was a bad combo. So here are the things that have been illogically bothering me:

-my mom talks too damn much.
-I don't get enough human contact, except from my mom.
-my car doesn't seem like it's doing too well in this heat. I'm afraid it will die.
-Kiera's not online, she must be avoiding me. This is illogical because I know she's going out of town this weekend and might already be gone.
-Mom made dinner and it wasn't ready till after I had to leave for tae kwon do. She hates me.
-Everything sucks.
-That dentist was being nice to me, but was probably just trying to hide his disdain for me.
-my son doesn't love me enough.
-My video game has a glitch and I don't know what to do about it.
-I'm rereading Harry Potter and the Order of the phoenix, and things are about to get really bad, but I'm powerless to stop it.
-Jared hasn't been online at all this week. He's probably avoiding me because he doesn't want to go out with me again. Yesterday this didn't bother me, today it does. It's the principle more than the emotion.
-I'm not losing weight.
-My asthma is not under control, but I can't afford treatment. I've had several really bad attacks lately, even though I do 2 puffs of albuterol 20 minutes before I exercise.
-Hardly anybody responds to blogs anymore. They must not like my blog, even though it seems consistent to all the blogs.
=I got my official transcript from Phillips today, and I didn't do very well. I don't remember doing that badly.
-I have no chocolate.

-So there you have it. The list of things that have been bothering me this afternoon. The trivial, the important, the meaningless, and the conflicting-it's all there, I think. Maybe there's an underlying cause, but maybe it's just one of those days.

Rock the vote, people!

This morning I happened to pass the morning Edge while they were talking about something that I've been saying for decades, which is weird that they thought of something intelligent to say, but it was probably just a fluke. But that thing is this: it is ridiculous for the drinking age to be 21. I say, as did they, that if you are old enough and responsible enough to: live on your own, smoke cigarettes, go to war, get married, get charged as an adult for any crime you might commit, and vote for president at 18, then you are responsible enough to drink also. It all comes down to this: either you are an adult or you aren't. If you aren't old enough to drink at 18, then you shouldn't be considered an adult in all those other ways. It's illogical and inconsistent. I've heard it said that it's because people that are under 21 aren't old enough to know not to drink and drive. My response to this is: BULLSHIT. That has absolutely nothing to do with age, it has to do with stupidity and ego. I started drinking when I was 19, and I have NEVER drank and driven. (is that correct tensing?) My uncle, however, whom I believe is in his 50's, has been arrested numerous times for drinking and driving. My dad's cousin is in a wheelchair because he drove drunk, and he still does. As a matter of fact, I think the younger you are, the less likely you are to drink and drive because you've had it pounded into your head so much that it's dangerous. And if that's the problem, just get those cops that are sitting outside the clubs everynight to do random checks. Drinking and driving really has no relation to age in my mind. I'm not saying all this because I'm a college kid that wants to party. I don't drink anymore and even if I did, I'm 31, so technically I don't think they would even card me anymore. I'm saying this because I think there should be equity for the laws. I think that lawmakers should be logical and not emotional. I think that everyone that reads this should call their various legislators and representatives and be heard! I'm not, cause I don't know who mine are, and I'm pretty Gen-X about getting involved, but I definitely think you should! Power to the people!

the good, the bad, and the ugly

Last night some of my friends and I went to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and it was AWESOME! Very funny! Go see it, right now. I kinda want to see it again. It's that good! I'm kind of annoying, though, cause I'm the person who reads the book and then constantly compares the movie to the book. I think Josh and Dave were ready to hit me by the end of the evening. I even went and bought the book, cause I haven't read it since I was a kid, and read in the afternoon so it would be fresh in my mind while I was watching the movie. Annoying, huh? Oh well. At least I recognize my psychosis. If I hadn't read it, I would have been trying to just remember the book the whole evening and it would have marred my good time, so it's all for the best. Now for the bad news. I have another date tonight. No, no, you're right, that's a good thing for the most part, but this week I have unusual circumstances. I am a biohazard. On my last date, I had a split lip, because my lip just sometimes randomly splits for no apparent reason, and that was kinda gross. This week, it was healing nicely, and I figured it would be fine in time for any dates that might happen, but then Ethan was hugging me, and he accidentally head butted me right in the mouth. So now I have a big black blood blister right where my split lip was, and that's just disturbing. And, I'm having some killer allergies right now, despite the fact that the doctor gave me an allergy shot in June. If I didn't have the shot, I'd be calling in sick to work laying in bed all day sick, but as it is, my throat is swollen to the point where it's hard to swallow, I have a slight cough, and my lymph nodes are swollen and extremely painful. I can function, I just don't feel very great. And the size of my lymph nodes vary depending on various factors, such as sleep, nutrition, activity, etc. So I think I should cancel my date so that I, A) don't compromise my immune system even more, and B) don't come across as typhoid Margie. Josh says that I should just go and limit activities that are not healthy, so he doesn't think I've lost interest. I just don't know. I'm not running a fever, so I'm not contagious, but I don't really feel like trying to be cute and flirt right now. I dunno. I would ask for advice, but I know it might be several days before you, my dear reader, shows up to read this, so your advice would be a little late at that point. I guess I'll just have to play it by ear. Wish me luck!

My fabulous week

Today is the day after my birthday, and I have had one kick ass week. As everyone that knows me even a little knows, I had two dates, which was good, and I also had my birthday, which was excellent. I have also been told by just about all of my friends that I'm pretty, which indicates to me that they seriously need to raise their standards. I got to go to Hoffbrau, which has the bestest steaks and scalloped potatoes in the whole wide world, and the the Cold Stone Creamery, which has awesome ice cream. My friends threw me a absolutely fabulous birthday party which was only marred by the presence of my most annoying friend ever. Why can't I shake this guy? My sense of loyalty is ruining my life! Anyhoo. On Sunday, my family made ribs for dinner, which I love! For my birthday I received: the most expensive watch I have ever owned, Jade Empire, which I am totally digging, Logan's Run on DVD, Earth Girls are Easy, which I watched and is funny, and has yummy yummy Jeff Goldblum and his fabulous chest, my very own copy of American Gods, which is one of the best books ever, a copy of XBox magazine with a disc full of demos, season three of Quantum Leap, mmmmm. . .Bakulicious, 7 chocolate cupcakes with cherries on top, a box of fancy cookies, and couple of frosted cookies, and a cookbook. Man, what a haul! I broke my 8 year streak of nunnery, found out that apparently I'm still at least somewhat attractive to the opposite sex, got to see Julianna, whom I haven't seen in, like, a year, and Mary, whom I don't see nearly enough of, found out that my friends love me, and got to eat delicious Nutella! mmmmm, nutella. Yep. Life is pretty good. I shoulda gotten old YEARS ago, it's really working out for me!

oh, sonny boy!

I have really been enjoying my Ethan vacation. I know that seems horrible, but ya' know, I like having a life sometimes, too. I love Ethan, and I miss him, but not as much as my mom does. She's very, very clingy. I remember when I was younger, and I would say that if I ever had kids that I wouldn't mind if they had their own life and I wouldn't want them to be with me all the time, and people, especially my mom, would say, "Oh, just wait, it'll change when you actually HAVE kids, you'll feel differently!" But I don't. I don't mind being away from my child for weeks at a time. When he was younger it bothered me to be away from him for like, over a day, but now that he's older, and he WANTS to live with his dad for a while, I really don't have a problem with that. I guess the thing is, I want my child to be happy and independent, not smothered and codependent. To me, I'm a successful parent if my child grows up, is mostly happy, gets an education, leaves home, gets a good job, is moderately successful, and lives a good life. I don't feel a need to vicariously live through him, or for him to be my best friend. Some would say all this makes me a callous, uncaring parent. I say it makes me a rational and loving parent. Who's to judge, other than child protective services?

My so called date

Well, my "date" has come and gone. And he busted not a single move. I began to get a clue that he wouldn't when we stopped at Racetrac to get drinks before the fireworks started and he came with me to the fountain, and then while I was getting a fountain drink, got a canned tea, went and paid for it and went and waited for me by the door. Maybe I misinterpereted his intentions. I could've sworn they were impure. But we had a good time chillin. In the old days I would have been upset about this, but the new Margie takes it all in stride. It's cool. And here's the kicker. He's on instant messenger telling me he almost went for it. Damn it. He was looking really good tonight, too. Oh well.

my Friday night

So last night was my first real date since 1997! And he cancelled. Don't cry for me, I'm cool with it. He tried to reschedule for Sunday and I said I don't do stuff on Sunday and for him to just call me sometime. The fact of the matter is, I have no plans on spending the rest of my life with this guy, I was just using him for a date. Don't cry for him, either, this is a guy that dumped a girl he thought was really cool and great after 2 dates because she "still" hadn't slept with him. She managed to hold out for 2 whole evenings, far more than the girls he USUALLY dates. But, being a prideful creature, I didn't want him to catch me online, so I immediately called Mike. He, Angela, Breck and I got together, and I found myself going to see War of the Worlds, thanks to group persuasion. When I said I didn't have enough money, Breck said she'd pay for me, so how can you argue with that? So, War of the Worlds. hmmmm. . .you might like it, don't let me keep you from it. Mike LOVED it. I thought it was; boring, cliche, and long. And it was loud and gave me a headache. Maybe if it was about 30 minutes shorter I would have liked it. But the fact of the matter is, I kept checking my watch, and that's not a good sign. After I walked out, I was ready to say, "I guess that movie was okay," and happily move on with my life, but, since Mike loved it, there was to come an hour of critique and recap. Some fun. And think that's what really ended it for me. Don't get me wrong, I didn't like it before, that just made the feeling more distinct. But I did get to see the preview for The Chronicles of Narnia: the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, and it looks pretty durn sweet. Much better effects than the one I saw some years ago. I loved that book as a kid, maybe I should reread it before the movie comes out. I also want to reread War of the Worlds, cause people keep asking me how close it is to the book, and I read it 15 years ago, so it's a little hazy in my mind. Anyhoo. I HAVE to take mom to Sam's now, instead of going to Kiera's like I planned (see previous entry), so I better get dressed.