people are getting on my nerves again.

Ok. So I got a lot on my mind here, so bear with me. First of all, my mom is a crazy psycho bitch. Whew, I feel better. She always wants to go with me to everything Ethan is involved in. She can't seem to realize that she is Ethan's GRANDMOTHER, not MOTHER. That's my job. I go to the ceremonies and school programs. Not her. She gets to not go to these annoying events. But no. She's the only grandparent in the universe that insists on going to everything. It really annoys me, and worse it makes me feel like I don't have the right to share these things with my child. If I want to do anything just me and Ethan, she says it's fine and then she sulks. It's just like with me when I was a kid. I never knew the umbilical cord could stretch that far. She needs to learn to cut it already. Even people at church have commented on how she is way too attached to him. So last night she says, "So, what's the schedule for tommorrow?" I say, "Well, I'll take Ethan to his belt test and then we'll have to go straight to the Open House from there and then we'll come home." She says, "Ok, then I'll need to go with you to the belt test then, unless you don't want me to go." I sigh to myself and tell her that I guess she can go if she just really wants to. Not taking the hint, she asks Ethan if it's ok, and he tells her that no, he doesn't want her to go. Of course she gets upset, so he immediatly says he was kidding and she can go. (Smart kid, that one.) And she says, "No, if you don't want me to go, that's ok, really." He responds with a prompt, "Ok. I don't want you to go." (well, maybe not that smart.) She said that was fine. And now 24 hours later, she's still sulking. It's really starting to piss me off. I told her that grandparents don't go to everything and she said most grandparents didn't spend most of their time raising the kid. I felt some umbrage at this, but I felt it would be best to leave that alone. So it's all very annoying.
Now what was the other thing? Crap. I spent so long complaining I forgot. Oh yeah, whenever anyone hears that Ethan is going to live with David for a year, EVERYONE says, "So you can finish school?" I say no, and they reply with a pregnant, "Oh." So, the only reason I would send my child away is so I can go back to school. Not that he wants to go spend some time with his dad? It's kinda making me feel like crap, and I'm getting a little ticked off about it. It makes me feel like they're all saying either, "What kind of mother lets her child leave without a good reason," or, "why would he WANT to leave?" I'm probably reading too much into things, but it's still annoying. I almost feel like I should sign up for a class, so I can answer yes when people say that. That would suck though, cause I really want to go full time when I go, and I can't afford to quit my job, so I would just be able to take evening classes, making my life complicated. I dunno. People suck.

Roller Coaster...of emotions

So today has been an emotional roller coaster. We had Dave's birthday party, which seened to go really well, so that's good. And then Mom calls, and Ricardo and his family hadn't brought Ethan back from the party they went to, so that's bad. And then mom keeps freaking out and stressing, which is very bad. Then they finally show up close to one in the morning, which is good, but then mom gets all mad at me again for not being more confrontational or some shit, and that's bad. I swear the woman's gonna drive me to drink. And then I go to check my email, and this guy who I kinda was trying to date a while back and I haven't seen or spoken to in about 4 months or more has sent me an email asking if I want to go to California with him in May for some conference. And this is uh. . .good or bad? It's weird. I don't know what to think. My guess is that none of his real friends want to go, so he's scraping the bottom of the barrel. It's kinda cool, though, cause I've never been to California, and I'd like to. But I don't know what the cost would be, and I don't really know if I want to spend 2-3 days with this guy. hmm. I'll have to ponder. If anyone has words of wisdon on this subject, they're welcome. I was very happy that Dave seemed to like his party and presents. It's always nice to make people happy. Which I will apparently never be able to do for my mom. Cause she's a crazy, crazy person. Oh, and the chicken recipes thing in the last one was a reference to Achewood, so don't be commenting on how you wanted a chicken recipe, or heads will roll. HEADS WILL ROLL!

nothing

So it's time to post again. I really don't have anything to say. I'm off work cause it's Good Friday and I have a nasty cough. Those two events aren't realated I'm pretty sure. So I need to finish the skirt I'm making, and finish the preperations for Dave's birthday. *shifts eyes shiftily and mysteriously from side to side* It's fun to not work! I'm getting really confused because I'm talking to Kiera and talking to Josh and mom and blogging. How taxing! I guess I'm not good at multitasking. Tommorrow: chicken recipe!

Me time

I am a very private person. When I lived on my own I really didn't like people at my house all the time. I like to be around people for a certain length of time, and then I like them to go away. The length of time depends on a variety of factors, such as; how much I like the person, how annoying the person is, how entertaining the person is, what kind of mood I'm in, what the activity is, and what else I have to do. So for instance, if the person is very annoying, moderately entertaining, I like the person pretty well, and I'm in a good mood, I can spend a lot more time with that person if we're, say, watching a movie or at the carnival than if we're just sitting around staring at each other. If I'm in a bad mood that time decreases dramatically, and if I'm at the climax of a good book or involved in a good video game that time decreases to practically zero. If the person is very entertaining, not annoying, and I like them alot, and especially if they have money to pay for food and activities cause I'm perpetually broke, I could probably stay with them for days. Especially if I have nothing to read and am not in a video game mood. But regardless of all these factors, I still need my alone time, and that is a deal breaker. I've had friends that did not understand this need, and they are no longer in my life. The amount of alone time is dependent, not only on the above factors, but also on other factors, like how stressful work was this week, how much I have on my mind, my hormone levels, and how many people I have to deal with in my alone time. Now that I live with my family, the alone time is very high. Especially since my mom and son seem to have no concept of alone time. So. That being said, I used to wish that my son had friends int he neighborhood to play with. Now he has a friend. Ricardo. Ricardo is now at our house every second that he can possible be here. And sometimes his sisters are too. Like right now his 3 year old sister who doesn't speak English is staring at me and occasionly trying to engage me in conversation of a 3 year old non english sort of way. Ricardo and Ethan are palying video games in my room, and probably leaving a huge mess in their wake. It's terribly annoying. And what do you say, "Go away, I don't want you here anymore!" It's Saturday. They should be aloud to play together, but he's been here most of the week cause it's spring break, and I told him yesterday that Ethan couldn't play for the entire day. But I'm REALLY FREAKING SICK OF HIM! I want to spend time with Ethan, but I feel selfish for wanting him to spend time with me instead of his friend. Why doesn't this kids parents ever want to spend time with him? Maybe they're annoyed by him, too. Well, I'm going to set up my painting stuff now, probably with Lupita at my heels asking questions in Spanish all the time. GRRR.

The Modern

So it's spring break, and work is super duper slow, so I talked Mario into letting me have all but one day off this week so I can spend time with Ethan. Hooray! I hadn't been doing that great of a job as Monday I got sick, complete with fever and lethargy (turns out there was a 24 hour virus going around), and Tuesday was the day I had to work, but today, we went to the Modern! Which was awesome! Mom and Ethan and I went, and I was worried that Ethan would hate it, like when we went to the Dallas Musuem of Art, but he really liked it! We managed to get in with a tour that just started and he was so interested he even asked the lady several intellegent questions. I was so happy. He started to get a little bored in the visiting show, but it was. like, 6 rooms of flourecent lights, so who could blame him really? I was worried about mom, too, because it is, after all, MODERN art, but she actually liked alot of it. It went really well. Ethan and I are going to paint either tommorrow or Friday, and hopefully he'll be able to get into it. I would like that. I bought him a prism, which was the cheapest thing in the gift shop that he wanted. He really liked other things that cost $30 or more, but the prism was $7ish, so I thought that wasn't TOO bad. So, it's been a good day. I hope the rest of the week goes as well.

Socially unacceptable

So I think there may be something wrong with me. Seriously. I have very strong and uncontrollable emotions and I'm getting pretty damn sick of it. I can try to change my mood or prentend, but then it ends up boomeranging worse than before. Like today. My dad was really irratating me, and I tried to ignore it, but then everytime he waould do something annoying I would be filled with blinding rage. I mean what the hell's so hard about putting the wheelchair in the back of the explorer properly? It's a rectangle, the area's rectangular. Why am I the only person that can figure this out? I find it hard to believe that my grasp of spatial relations is that much better than everyone elses! ANYHOO. And I get really lazy and can't force myself to do anything at work or home. I'll be mentally wanting to get stuff done, but my body just won't do it. I can't figure it out. Ethan's psychologist thinks I need antideppresants, but isn't that their answer for everything? I feel so out of control sometimes and it really bothers me. I don't know what to do. So I'll go watch Garden State.

life in the slow lane

I want some chocolate SO BAD. Suck. I just spent the evening widening a doorway with Jeff Whitcomb. He is so great. He can do anything as far as I can tell. Now mom and dad just have to buy a door and he'll come finish the job. But my back hurts and my feet hurt, so that's crap. Did I mention I want some chocolate? I think my mom and aunt watching the food channel on tape all day is having a bad effect on me. I didn't really have anything to say, I just felt like I should post, so I did. It was totally gorgeous today. Best weather ever. Now make me a chicken pot pie!

My weekend

Church today. I was very embarrassed because one of my visiting teachees stood up and was all talking about how she has the best visiting teachers ever and all. Fortunately she didn't name names, that would have been too much. I mean I'm very glad she's pleased, but I don't think I'm all that. I could be doing so much more for people if I weren't so self absorbed. I did those surveys about me friends, and I felt like I didn't know anything about them, but they know all about me. I hate that. I wonder how I could learn to be a better listener and take more time for others. I dunno. And my ear hurts. Just saying. But Keira really seemed to like her birthday party and presents. I hope she did. I got her a diffuser and I felt bad cause it was so inexpensive, but I'm broke and it's all I could afford. She got all excited about it though, so I suppose it's all good. I had fun, too. It was awesome to have Cainnum here, but then he left and took Josh with him! So sad. I think that's all now. Adios.

dumb old people

Holy crap. there's this lady I know who's in her 50's and she's back in school, cause this is the first chance she's gotten to go back. So she's constantly sending me emails about how I could go back to school if I did this or that. She thinks that being a single mother I could get enough financial aid to pay more bills and go to school and I could live with my parents still and not have rent to pay or anything. Firstly, I don't think I could get that much financial aid, cause I would need over $400 dollars a month just for bills and gas, not even counting tuition or food or books or any of that stuff. And there's no way I can live with my parents for a minumun of 4 more years. Seriously. I'm 30. It's REALLY REALLY time for me to be out of mommy and daddy's house. I don't care what repercussions that has on my schooling. Paying off my debt and getting out of here are the two big goals I have right now, and she just won't lay off! I'm not even related to her! damn! There's my rant. Now I have to go get the stuff for Kiera's birthday party tonight! Yay! Party!

shallow crap

I'm back! It's been three days, and believe it or not, I've meant to do this all of those days. The universe conspired to keep me away. This is actually very theraputic. I see now why people keep journals. I've seen the light! So, I got a raise today! Hooray! Another dollar an hour to the good guys. Now if only I could get benefits life would be complete. I've been very sluggish lately. I think it's allergies. Just thought you should know. Today some guys came to try to talk me into signing a petition for disannexation of our area. One of them was pretty cute, but he was a cowboy, it would never work out. sigh. I spent along time with my cousin today and she was telling me about all the guys that have been coming on to her lately. That didn't really help my ego any. Of course she's skinney and pretty, but still. Maybe she'll send some of the rejects my way. :) Although Ethan was helpful to said ego. We watched America's Next Top Model and he said I should be on it! Love IS Blind! I told him I was not pretty and too fat, and he said that he thinks I'm perfect the way I am. *awww* He's so sweet when he wants to be. I had to let him down any way and tell him I am too old to be a model. Oh well. Maybe he can date a model when he grows up, and it will all come full circle or sumtin. I wish I had some money. I missed too much work, and now I'm strapped for cash. I shall go check my bank account again and make sure something hasn't miraculously appeared there. PEACE OUT!