Alls I wants for Christmas. . .

This year, Christmas is falling on a Sunday. Perfect! I mean, Jesus is the reason for the season, right? (Is that an everywhere thing or is that just something they say here in the Bible belt?) So, at my church, which is The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter Day Saints, in celebration of Jesus' fake birthday being on Sunday, they are. . .wait for it. . .SHORTENING church by TWO hours! Well that certainly makes sense. Catholics all over the world who never go to church are trekking their non devout asses to church for the one day a year that they actually go, and we Mormons, who spend a minimum of three freakin' hours in church EVERY SINGLE WEEK get a vacation. On Christ's fake birthday. Hmmm. I don't get it. I'm not complaining, mind ya, I will definitely take a shortened church any day they feel like giving it to me. But it just seems a bit paradoxical to me. Oh well. So, in the spirit of the season, I have decided to put my Christmas list on here. Not that I'll get anything from it, I just think it's nice to have the information out there. Plus, like only two people that read this will get me anything (those being my two brothers), and they probably already know what they're getting me, but maybe they can guide mom a little. :)

-Cool T-shirts size 14 or XL
-Material Issue "International Pop Overthrow" cd
-The All American Rejects self titled cd
-The Darkness "Permission to Land" cd
-Johnny Cash cd-I don't know which one, but it needs to have "Hurt," "Cat's in the Cradle, and "Ring of Fire"
-Erasure "Pop!" cd-mine's scratched all to hell
-Madonna "Immaculate Collection" cd-ditto
-Ugly Kid Joe "American's Least Wanted" cd-ditto again
-They Might be Giants "Flood" cd-ditto ditto
-An 80's compendium-one that at least has "One Night in Bangkok" by Murray Head, "Venus" by Banana Rama, and "Der Kommisar" by After the Fire. You get the gist.
-any Doris Day/Rock Hudson movie on DVD
-any Gidget movie on DVD
-Bundle of Joy on VHS-sadly not available on DVD that I know of
-Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind on DVD-my favorite, yet I still don't own it.
-Hudsucker Proxy on DVD
-Shawshank Redemption on DVD
-Digital camera
-My own place-a girl can dream can't she. Oh, it'll have to be all bills paid, cause I'm poor. Just as long as my parents don't live there. Any takers? No one wants to be my sugar daddy or momma? No one? Is anyone there? Bueller?
-A new car-I'm not picky. I just want one that doesn't leak fluids like a sieve. Sometimes I think I should just cut out the middle man and pour the oil straight onto the ground.
-My soul mate-I figure if you want to get me something I'll REALLY like. . .
-TiVo or DVR
-Xena: Warrior Princess Season one on DVD
-Buffy the Vampire Slayer season two on DVD
-uh. . .anything else that's good
-money is always acceptable

But I already got the best gift. Mario got the sack today. His last day is December 23rd. Don't feel bad about HIS Christmas being ruined, he's Jehovah's Witness. :)

No Catholics were harmed in the making of this blog. The views and opinions expressed herein are for comedic value only and in no way should be construed as slurs or slander toward fine Catholics the world over. One Jehovah's Witness was harmed in the making of this blog, but that's not my damn fault, it's his own for being a completely useless git, and that should in no way be taken as a general opinion about Jehovah's Witnesses. It's just about the one.

Type-me

I love stereotypes. They make life so easy. Like if someone needed to describe somebody, it's much easier to say, "you know, that white rapper dude," than to have to be all like, "the guy with brown hair, no the other one, you know, the one with green eyes," and so on and so forth. So I have decided that I want to be stereotyped. But the problem is that I don't really fit into any stereotypes. I could probably pull off Jewish princess pretty easily, but the big problem with that is that I am neither Jewish, nor am I rich. Which I would really like to try. I'm not black, Hispanic, Asian, middle eastern, or European, so there's a whole set stereotypes that are right out. I am Mormon, so I guess I can go for Molly Mormon, but then I'd have to be frumpy and get a lobotomy, so I guess that's not gonna fly either. I'm technically a Republican, but I am no where near right wing enough to pull off right-wing nut job. I can't be an eco-terrorist because that would require way too much effort. My apathy is way too stalwart to be toppled by some owls and trees and crap. I think it would be pretty easy for me to gear up into femo-nazi, but they're usually lesbians and, well, I prefer me some man-log. I definitely could do the nympho route if it weren't for this damn religion of mine. Oh yeah-and I don't really like being called a slut. There have been many versions of "hippy" applied to me. Hippy sheik, hippy chick, modern hippy, flower child. I guess I could do that, as long I was a main stream kind of hippy that gets to shave and use deodorant. You know, the kind with lots of cats and wind chimes that wear long flowing skirts and has long wavy hair. But wait, I love wearing black. And I am not giving up my leather jackets. Damn it. I'm not cool enough to be city sheik. Maybe if I had a more expensive leather jacket, substantially more black in my wardrobe, went to snobby art shows and wore sunglasses all the time I could do that whole scene. Oh, but I like to smile sometimes, so I guess that won't work either. No way I could ever do jock or bubbly girl. Damn. It looks like there's just no stereotype for me. A friend once told me that I am gesamtkunstwerk, which literally means, "synthesis of the arts." It's used to describe any integration of art forms. I guess being that and being stereotyped don't really go together. If anyone has a suggestion for a stereotype that I could slide into pretty easily, please, feel free to tell me! I am open and eager for suggestions.

Crap on a stick

I feel like crap on a stick. YAY! My nose is running. My throat hurts. My head hurts. But, of course, I am not running a fever. Because I never run a fever. It blows. People only really believe you're sick if you run a fever. My natural body temperature is 97.4 degrees, so even if I run a fever and get all the way to 98.6, or even 99, nobody believes me. I have a sneaking suspicion that it's all just allergies though. I got my last allergy shot in June, and the life span of the shot is about 6 months, so there ya go. but I don't really think I can afford to dish out $79 to go get my steroid shot that will help me overcome my dehabilitating allergies. *sigh*
Also, I need to write a paper for my english class, and the school library computer access is broken. What a great time for it to break, right at the end of the semester. I wrote my teacher saying that my rough draft would have to be late because of it, and she said that I really didn't even need to turn in a rough draft because I wouldn't have any revisions that need to be done anyway. She also said that if I didn't want to bother coming to class I didn't have to. I think she's trying to get rid of me! I told her I would be there, I have a date after, and work comes before pleasure. I'm not sure if you can technically call it a date, but I am meeting Jason. I met him on myspace, and I've been talking to him online for a month. So if nobody sees or hears from me after Wednesday night, call the police, please. I want to meet him because I feel like he should get a fair chance before Jared gets his claws back into me again. It's only right.
Rene told me today that if business doesn't pick up by the beginning of the year, he's giving Mario the ol' sack-a-roo. He wanted Mario to quit so he wouldn't have to pay unemployment, but Mario doesn't seem to be going anywhere, so he has to bite the bullet. He ALSO told me that if I had quit, or if I still do quit, that he would HAVE to fire Mario, because he would have to reduce the work to an amount he could do without me and he wouldn't be able to afford Mario after that. It's a little intoxicating to know that I hold the fate of a man and his entire family in my hands. The unmitigated power! MUAH HA HA! Ah. I needed that.

randomous crapious

Another Thanksgiving come and gone. Ethan came down for the holiday weekend. He's been playing video games non-stop, there's surprisingly more mess everywhere and a pile of dirty clothes directly in front of the shower door. It's like he never left. I made him breakfast burritos this morning, and next I'm going to make his birthday cake. I guess having my baby back home has made me down right domestic. No, it's not his birthday, he just won't be here for his birthday, so he asked if we could have a birthday cake for him while he's here. I take him to the airport in the morning, when I'm sure the fact that he's leaving will hit him and he will cry. *sigh* It's been kinda trying to have him back again, I must admit, although that makes me feel like a heartless monster. I've gotten used to being able to come and go as I please. Eh. At least I'm not getting tons of invites to do things this weekend like I did that weekend I went up to Utah.
Jason, who's a guy I've been talking to for three weeks, has gone to Austin for the weekend, and Jared is still with his girlfriend. Yes, that's right boys and girls. Jared has put himself back in the picture. He instant messaged me saying that he and his girlfriend have just fought too many times and he is breaking up with her on Sunday. He wanted to do it sooner, but she told him to think about it. He also asked me out for a unspecified time in the future after he has broken up with her. And of course, I'm gonna go. I'll also go out with Jason if he asks. It's a good thing that I'm not going to sleep with either of them; I mean, Jason/Jared, that's a disaster waiting to happen. (That's why when I was sleeping with a guy, I never called out his name. Just in case the wrong one slipped out. I mean, I call people the wrong names in daily conversation all the time, no point taking a chance when it could really blow up in your face.)
Some people don't like the fact that I will go out with Jared again. (read:everybody) They claim that he's using me, but let us review. A really SMOKIN' hot guy asks me out. He takes me to a restaurant (not even fast food) to eat, where we have interesting and fun conversation. Then we go back to his place and either cuddle up and watch a movie, or he plays his electric guitar and sings to me, or we talk some more, or any combination of those three things. Then we make out for an hour or more, then we talk some more. I don't have sex with him, which is what he's angling for of course. So where's the 'me being used' part happen again? Seems to me that I should worry about him realizing HE'S being used! :)
Last night I watched Amelie. I simply adore that movie. It makes me smile everytime I watch it. And it gives me hope for my love life. What more could you ask for from a movie?
My mom. I don't get her. Her sister Barbara has a night job, so she calls my mom almost every night around 10:30, and they proceed to talk for 2 hours minimum. Not just chatting and joking around. They talk about deep psychological issues. Childhood scars. Therapy talk. Mom cries. For at least two hours (the talking, not the crying). Practically EVERY night. How? I just don't see how they do it. Seriously. Mom has been known to run the batteries dead on THREE phones in one night. I just don't get it. Hopefully I never will.
My throat hurts. And my head hurts. It's been like this for a few days. I hope I'm not getting a sinus infection or something. I've been craving orange juice, and anytime I crave orange juice, it means I'm getting sick. We don't have any oj, so I've been tossing back some vitamin c pills and cran-apple, which claims to have 130% of my required c intake. So, hopefully all will be well in me-land.
This morning I had a dream that I was having some, uh, ehem, "me time," if you know what I mean (ok-you know you've gone too long without when you're only having sex with yourself in your dream life!!), and in the dream, my dad kept walking in. I'd make up some excuse to get him to leave, and he'd come right back. In my dream I was furious that he wouldn't just go away. I thought that was really really weird. If any armchair Freud's care to take a stab at this one feel free.

100 Random Facts

I was recently inspired by High maintainence Hussy (this would be a perfect spot to make a hot button linking to her blog, but I don't know how to do that) to make a list of 100 random facts about myself. So here goes.

100)My father wanted to name me Jolene, after the Dolly Parton song.
99)I am actually named after both of my grandmothers.
98)When I was in 5th grade, the peak of technology was the Apple E and the original Mac. My favorite games: Oregon Trail and Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego. Any game you have to have an encyclopedia to play is all right by me.
97)I am naturally a type A personality. I had to teach myself how to be a slacker.
96)All through my childhood, I waffled between wanting to be an astronaut and and a doctor when I grew up. All those little girls in first grade who wanted to be a nurse or a teacher made me sick.
95)I am not an astronaut or a doctor. I am a Dental Technician. I never even finished college.
94)I planned on being chaste until marriage. I actually lost my virginity a month before my 19th birthday. I'd be willing to bet I would have lost it sooner if the guys in high school had put some effort in.
93)People are always telling me I don't seem like a Margie. When asked what I do seem like, the number one answer by far is Jo. See number 100 for the irony.
92)The number two vote is for Toni. Apparently girl names aren't my thing.
91)I've always wished I was a twin. I just KNOW I would have had telepathic abilities if I were.
90)My favorite alcohol is spiced rum.
89)My favorite mixed drinks are extra dirty vodka martinis and cherry vodka sours. Neither of these have rum in them.
88)In college I invented a drink. I'm not sure of the measurements, but I think it would be about 2 fingers of spiced rum, 4 fingers orange juice, and a finger of cran-rasberry juice. It tastes just like chocolate milk. Uncanny. 87)I don't like pot. It makes me sleepy and paranoid. I can be sleepy and paranoid all on my own.
86)The best Christmas present I ever remember getting was something I received in high school. My dad had fallen of a telephone pole and was in ICU for a while, so the people at church got together stuff to give us so that we would have Christmas. One of the things I got was a pair of silky pink bikini cut panties. I LOVED them. My mom would only buy me white cotton granny panties, which I HATED!
85)My first crush was in Kindergarten on a boy named Castle. He was blonde. I think it's weird, cause I don't find blondes very attractive anymore.
84)When I was in Kindergarten, I had a dress I didn't really like that my mom made me. It was white with pink roses on it and it was very girly. I wore it because the skirt was so full that I could spin around when Castle was near so he could see my panties. I kid you not.
83)I also had a crush on my dad's cousin Ken. He was blonde and very tan and had really broad muscular shoulders. I noticed this when I was a small child. I think I was born to be a slut.
82)By the time I was 6, I had gotten at least 6 fully grown men to agree to be my boyfriend, at the same time. I called all of them my boyfriends, and they thought it was cute.
81)By the time I was 5, I had mastered the "cute flirty look." I used it to get truckers to honk at me.
80)When I was five, I ate a bad ham sandwich that gave me food poisoning. I still can't eat ham.
79)I got my first grey hair the summer I turned 10. My parents always put a lot of pressure on me to be responsible for things around the house, and that summer my mom got third degree burns over most of her stomach and my brother broke his leg. It was a hard summer.
78)I was a sacker at the grocery store when I was seventeen. I pointed out to my friend Cathy that the only girls the manager hired either looked like guys or were really hot, and I didn't fit either category. She looked at me like I was an idiot, and asked me if I've ever seen my boobs before.
77)I went to Robert E Lee Elementary School until third grade. It never occurred to me that the name was controversial.
76)When I was in Kindergarten, my goal in life was to be teacher's pet. I accomplished this dream in third grade. 75)In first grade, I had surgery on my bladder to remove a blockage from my urethra that they said was making me wet the bed.
74)I wet the bed till third grade.
73)After my surgery, a boy invited me to try out his new bike. I told him I couldn't ride a bike because I just had surgery. My fundamental Pentecostal babysitter freaked out and told me "We don't discuss things like that with boys." I didn't get it.
72)I still don't get it.
71)I used to spend the night with a girl who had these huge stuffed animals, and she would want to pretend they were our husbands and make out with them, and then pretend to have sex with them.
70)In retrospect, that really wigs me out. Actually, it kinda wigged me out at the time.
69)When I was a teenager, my nickname among my church friends was Peanut Butter Canary.
68)Other nicknames I've had are: Butter,
67)Margarine,
66)Tomato,
65)Chuckles,
64)Tart (as in Tart and Tiny-my best friend in college was very short.),
63)Low Fat Butter,
62)PBC
61)I had a boyfriend who used to call blow jobs "Vipers." It originated when I asked why guys love blow jobs so much, and he said, "Why would we want to drive a ferrari if we can drive a viper?" So now everytime I hear about a viper, I think about oral sex.
60)I like pecan flavoring, but I don't like pecans.
59)I LOVE peanut butter, but I don't care for peanuts.
58)I think avocados are the most sublime food on earth.
57)I drive fast. I can't help it. I just can't stand driving slow. Tickets be damned.
56)I think the government has no right to tell me I have to wear a seatbelt while I'm driving.
55)I think drugs should be legal, even though I have no interest in doing them. I think if idiots want to kill themselves off, they should have the right.
54)I love carbonation. It makes me happy.
53)My favorite color is red. Blood red.
52)I really wish vampires, witches, and all that other fantasy crap were real, but it's not, and wishing ain't gonna change that.
51)I love creating characters. When my friends talked me into role playing, I found I could create character after character. Unfortunately, I don't really enjoy role playing. I wish I could get paid for making up characters, complete with back story and motivation and everything. I think I could do it 40 hours a week if I had to.
50)When I was a small child, my favorite show was The Bugaloos. The five people alive who actually remember this show can tell you about it.
49)When I got older, wouldja believe my favorite show was Get Smart?
48)My favorite show of all time is Xena:Warrior Princess. Sad, but true.
47)When I was a small child, my favorite bands were Kiss and The Village People. I liked them because they dressed up.
46)One year, when I was very young, for Halloween I dressed as one of the guys from Kiss. The one with a star around his eye.
45)I used to have a pierced belly button. I got it done a month before I got pregnant. A month into my pregnancy it got super infected and I had to take it out.
44)When I was at my great-aunt's house in my early teens, I experienced MTV for the first time. The first video I ever saw was Take On Me by AHA. It was all downhill from there.
43)My hair was black when I was born, fell out and grew in strawberry blonde, then changed to brown.
42)I've dyed my hair black, auburn, red, dark brown, red-red, and even blonde. That was a very bad idea and it only lasted two weeks.
41)A makeup artist once told me I have the "perfect" face shape, and I can wear my hair any length I want as a result.
40)I was asked to model for an amateur photographer in college. The person who recommended me to him was who I considered to be the prettiest girl in school. The photographer was pleased because he said he had seen me around, but didn't approach me because he was afraid I would think he was a freak or a pervert. I was and still am surprised by the fact that they wanted me.
39)Sometimes when I like people in authority, they think I'm being a kiss-up when I'm not.
38)One of my college professors offered to get me into a full-scholarship program where I could go to our sister school in Sweden. My friends all thought I should take it cause all the hot Swedish guys would want to date me cause I'm an American. I turned it down cause I have that SAD (Seasonal Affected Disorder or something) thing where you get depressed in the winter.
37)A guy once asked me to be a backup singer in his band. The position would have required me to dance around scantily clad.
36)I haven't had sex for 9 years and 8 months. Believe me. I'm counting. And it's by choice.
35)I gave up manipulating people because it's wrong, but sometimes, it would be so easy, I hurt inside from not doing it.
34)For years, I used to cry weekly from the fear that I was going to turn out like my mother.
33)I used to have some friends who thought it was funny to put their porn to an interesting spot and then turn it on when I was in the room cause I don't watch porn. One of the things I saw that way was a woman dressed as a nurse, wearing a strap on, raping another woman. I am disturbed by the fact that it turned me on.
32)The one of a Japanese man trying to rape a teenage school girl made me angry and upset, so that makes me feel a little better.
31)I did watch cartoon porn. It was hilarious!
30)The first alcoholic drink I ever had was a bloody mary.
29)I've dated men 14 years older than me, 21 years older than me, and 10 years younger than me. Yet people get mad at me when I say I don't approve of people dating when there's a major age difference.
28)I knew in my heart that racism was wrong when I was four, despite the fact that my parents are racist. But I still don't want to date Mexicans. (Just Mexicans. Any other ethnicity is fine by me. And I don't have a problem with them in any other way.)
27)I want to marry a Mormon. But I've only loved two men. Neither were Mormon.
26)I read too much Heinlein in my important developmental years. My views on politics and sexuality are completely out of the norm because of him, and I really don't have a problem with that.
25)I feel like a pervert because I think Harry Potter's getting pretty damn hot.
24)Slap a pair of little glasses on a guy and I'll think he's hot. Seriously.
23)My first boyfriend got both his ear's pierced because I like guys with both ears pierced. His wife was pretty upset about it.
22)Yes, he was married before I started dating him. But she lived on a different continent, in my defense.
21)I can say the alphabet backwards with no problem.
20)I have always had a hard time pronouncing the word 'rural'.
19)I cuss like a sailor. I don't have a problem with that either. I started cussing when I was 9.
18)I hate guys with tattoos. Especially if they have them all over the damn place.
17)I love Jaguars, the cars. They are sexy.
16)I am a pragmatic romantic. I wish things could be like in the movies and fairy tales, but I know they never will be.
15)My eyes were brown when I was born. They changed to hazel, but mostly a brown sort of hazel. When I was in college they changed to a green hazel. They also change colors based on my moods.
14)I love being surrounded by lots of small things. Flocks of birds, falls of leaves, stuff like that. It's cool. It makes my souls sing.
13)I have asbestos hands. I've actually had my finger in boiling water and not noticed.
12)I wish the CIA would recruit me as a spy or a sniper.
11)I didn't really get why people liked music until I was 16 and was at a church dance. They played Walk the Dinosaur (by was(not was)), Stand (by REM), and Rock Lobster (by the B-52's), and suddenly I knew why people liked music. With that epiphany, I had found my genre: alternative! Then the DJ announced that those were three of the weirdest songs ever written, the fact that I don't fit in and never will was forever sealed in my head.
10)I didn't talk till I was 1 1/2, but I started with full sentences.
9)I spend a lot of my time thinking up fantasies about what I would do in different situations, like if I suddenly got sent back in time to the 1500's or was summoned into a different dimension to take the place of an evil version of me.
8)I hate sprite and grape soda. Separately, I've never tried them together.
7)I have a dark brown birthmark the size of a dime on my right shoulder. I think it's kinda sexy.
6)I've been called a lesbian (or other less friendly variations) more times than I can remember. I think it's funny, cause I think about sex with men more often than I can even count. Just because I'm tall with broad shoulders, and I don't dress slutty and openly flirt with men doesn't mean I'm not into men.
5)I've been called a cold-hearted bitch by both of my parents on separate occasions. And by sundry others.
4)I have a bizarre and incomprehensible attraction to Alan Rickman. Especially as Snape.
3)I've tried to pretend to like sports for guys, but I just can't fake it.
2)I really wish I could play a musical instrument, but not enough to put much effort into getting lessons or anything like that.
1)I love reading and I love taking showers. If only they would invent a book that you could read in the shower, my life would be complete.

There. You see what happens when I have free time? I hope everyone has learned a lesson from this and will try to keep me busy from now on.

Donde es el bibliotech?

All my life I have had a membership at the Denton Public Library. I don't actually live in Denton, but most of my life is conducted out of Denton. I technically live in Flower Mound, but I have no interest in being part of the Flower Mound community, so I just don't bother. Anyhoo. So I recently was completely enraged to find out that the Denton Public Libraries are now charging Fifty smackers for any suckers that don't live in the Denton City limits yet still wish to utilize their three libraries. I was enraged until I found out the reason; it being that they lost their federal funding because they refused to put filters on the computers. What difference does that make? I'm glad you ask. You see, the government is trying to watch out for all of us by keeping pornography out of our public libraries. If the library put filters on it would keep out the porn. But it would also seriously impede people trying to do research about breast cancer. Or students wanting to write a paper about Leave it to Beaver. Etc. I am proud of the people that run the library. They stood up for their rights, they faced down the man. Kudos to you library people, kudos. Of course, I'm not proud enough to shell out fifty bucks for a place I'm gonna use like once a year. I guess it's time for me to check out the Flower Mound library. Heck. Even the phrase "Flower Mound" might wreak havoc with the filters. I mean, seriously, Flower Mound? Sounds like a porn star.

On a related note, what's up with libraries these days? Now-a-days all the shelves are short and placed in a nice large airy room that's all open and inviting. And I think that's crap. When I go into a library, I want the shelves to stretch up to the ceiling. I want to have to use a ladder to reach what I want. I want the place to smell like paper. I want to be able to pull a book of a shelf, sit down on the floor to read for half an hour and not worry about librarians seeing my head disappear and then coming to look at me disapprovingly. I want a card catalog, not a freaking computer. I like card catalogs. You can surf card catalogs. It's fun. I want somber colors, not red and yellow checkered carpet. I want librarians who know every book in the library, and if they don't have a book, he or she knows exactly what it is, why they don't have it, and when or if they're getting it. I guess I just miss the libraries of my childhood. Mostly the ladders. Something about ladders that slide along shelves and let you see a treasure trove of books just titallates me. Behind sex and extra dirty vodka martinis, I think they might just be my favorite thing. Maybe. The irony. I don't drink anymore, I gave up premarital sex, and there are no more of the libraries that I love. *sigh* Why do I go on?

I am Jack, the pumpkin king! Oh wait. . .

On the post before last, a nice man named Paul commented on my blog, which I always appreciate, but here's the thing: I was always aware that my friends would probably read my blog, and I had the idea that a few strangers might read my blog, but now I have to face the frightening idea that cute guys might read my blog. I mean, here I am, writing all about the last guy I dated, and a cute guy comes and leaves a comment. (Oh, come on Paul-you know you're cute.) It gives me a little performance anxiety. Suddenly, I am filled with the worry that maybe Mr Right is out there surfing blogs right now, and he's gonna get to mine, and it's gonna be some crap about guys or me being stupid or whatever, and he's gonna surf on by. I can't handle that kind of pressure! So, I will now ignore the idea completely and go on with my life. Boy, that's a load off my mind.

Tonight I am attending the bridal shower for a girl who is marring a guy who's family I have known since well before he was conceived. I have a problem with this on two levels. Firstly; since when do I have to go to showers for people I don't know? I guess since his mother and sisters are throwing the shower, that's when. Secondly; what's up with all these youngsters getting married all the damn time? Shouldn't the oldest get to go first? Saturday at the Single Adult Thanksgiving Dinner, my annoying friend Mike asked me if I had seen The Corpse Bride. I have, and he asked me what I thought of it. I said I thought it was a little boring unfortunately. He said, "Is that all you noticed?" I gave him a look, and he pointed out that the corpse bride looks "just like" me. I think "just like" is a wee bit of hyperbole, even cartoonized I wouldn't be that pretty and shapely, but there is a similarity, I will admit. I said I had noticed that, and he pointed out that we were alike in other ways, too. I started laughing and told him I was glad I wasn't the only person who noticed! I mean, here's this fun, pretty, interesting girl who has a real zest for having a good time, and all the guys pass her over in favor of boring timid little girls. All the while her friends are saying, "We don't understand, if only they knew you like we do!" (If I had a nickel for every time a girl friend said something along those lines to me!)

***WARNING-SPOILER ALERT***

In the end, of course she does the right thing, let's the other girl have the guy even though she could totally manipulate her way into his heart if she wanted to use her powers for evil, and she once again gets screwed (although not literally of course. Necromancy is still not acceptable behavior.)

***SPOILER DONE***

So obviously I saw some similarities between the corpse bride and myself. Maybe I should get a Corpse Bride shirt or something. Maybe Corpse Bride memorabilia would be the perfect gift for the pathetic spinster in YOUR life this holiday season!

Once a girl said she didn't like hanging out with me because all I talk about is boys. Can you imagine! Me! Talking about boys all the time? Inconceivable!

Most. Inane. Post. Ever.

My public has demanded tales of the Single Adult Thanksgiving Dinner, and if taking Texas Government has taught me one thing, it's that you have to keep your public happy, so here it is. As many people know, at my ward at church, I have been placed in the calling of Single Adult Representative, which means I can no longer ignore the activities for this group. So yesterday we had a Thanksgiving Dinner, which I was obligated to participate in, to my dismay. You see, everyone who goes to the Single Adult activities has grey hair, or salt and pepper hair at best. And I really don't feel like spending my free time socializing with the geriatric set, strangely enough. Oh well. So, I show up at 3 like a good girl to help set up, and quickly realize that I am the only person there willing to cut up the turkeys, so I set to like a trooper. I really didn't mind, because; a) I was working by myself and not having to make inane chit chat with people I don't have anything at all in common with except for the fact that we're all not married, and b) I was a professional cafeteria cook for two years, so I feel pretty well equipped to handle large quantities of meat. (he he. she said she could handle large quantities of meat.)

Actually, that reminds me of a funny side note. When I was in college working at the cafeteria, after I stopped going to church, I started working Sundays. On Sunday, we always served roast beef and some other type of meat which came in a large form that needed slicing prior to mastication. (he he-she said mastication) These roasts were freakin' huge, too. Like I could wrap my arms around them and barely touch hands on the other side huge. So, for some reason, despite the fact that I was very nearly a vegetarian at that point, I was placed in charge of the ice cream bar and slicing the meat. So I would take these huge slabs of cow, cut them into quarters, and slice them on a gigantic meat slicer. In the process, I would get covered in blood and gore. My nice white apron would be quite disturbing after that. And I would keep it on for one reason. Because on Sundays, when anyone came to make a complaint, they would say, "Margie, someone needs to talk to you!" I would screw my least sympathetic facial expression on (which anyone who knows me can probably tell you would melt flesh from bone) and I would grab the biggest knife in hands reach and head out to the front and say, "Yeah, what'd ya' need?" Usually, the problem mysteriously was suddenly not a big deal at all! It was hilarious. Good times.

Anyhoo. So turkeys. I was almost half way through the first one when Linda came in. Linda is not only above me in the chain of command, she is my son's grandmother, so, even though I know for a fact I can run circles around her in the kitchen (I mean seriously-who else puts tuna in jello?), I felt obligated to allow her to help with the turkeys when she offered. I was worried about it, but in the time it took her to do one, and this includes the time I took to show her the best way to carve a breast (he he-she said breast) I carved three turkeys. So that was alright, she didn't have much of a chance to screw anything up. :)

The activity itself was all right. My annoying friend Mike was there with his friend Breck, who I like quite a bit now that she's not crazy anymore. Lawrence, who's a guy I used to be friends with 10 years ago, and just got called to be Single Adult rep in his ward, was there, and so we all sat together. Unfortunately, my son's aunt Becky also sat with us. Nobody at the table could tell that I hold a loathing for her so intense that it's probably tainting my soul just to think about it. So that's good then. So I barely had to deal with the grey hairs. That was good. Before Mike and Breck left, they kept hinting that I should do something with them, but I had already spent about five hours with Mike that week, and that is quite enough, thank you very much.

I stayed till the end to help Linda get everything all cleaned up, but I got to catch the end of Little Women, which two of the ladies opted to watch after dinner. It was much more enjoyable than actually watching the entire movie. :)

Mom thinks Lawrence is going to ask me out. I'm not sure how I feel about that. He's not very cute, but I enjoy talking to him. But the beard would have to go. And he tells corny jokes all the damn time, and that gets REAL old, REAL fast. Seriously. I dunno. *shrugs*

Speaking of mom, I thought she was gonna wet her pants she was so excited today. You see, there's this guy named Dan, whom people tend to think is just my type. But the problem is, he's not my type at all. I can see how they would make that mistake though, because he resembles Ethan's dad. Both physically and personality-wise. And you know what? I got quite enough of Ethan's dad while we were dating. I really don't need a replacement model. Dan is moving into our ward, and mom met him today. She was all gushing about how cute and nice he is after church. I'm just like, uuuuhhhhhh, no. I never realized she was such the little matchmaker. Maybe her biological clock has resumed it's ticking and she's thinking I should provide a new grandchild. Fat chance!

Sorry this post is so boring. They can't all be winners, though. Maybe if you need it spiced up a little you can think about the act that could create that previously mentioned theoretical baby. You don't necessarily need me in your fantasy, I'm just trying to help you out. You know, like when you were in school and your teacher would give you a topic for a journal entry. This is just getting worse and worse. I'm going to bed. Maybe the next one will be better. :)

Muller, Muller

First, I want to say, today at Target, I was wearing my new clothes that actually fit, and my hair was down and straight, and I actually saw a guy do a double take to look at me. That warms the cockles of this old girl's heart to see.

Now back to the main storyline.

I am a muller. I mull things over. When something strange happens to me, or when someone tells me something about myself, or when I'm thinking about changing something about myself, I have to have time to process before I feel ready to share with anyone. Sometimes it's a few hours. Sometimes it's days. It can even be months. For instance; if I say to you, "I'm thinking about dying my hair magenta." That means this idea has not just occurred to me right then. I've probably been thinking about it for quite a long time, and I finally feel ready to test the waters and see how others react to the idea. (I am not thinking about dying my hair magenta, for the record, I'm quite pleased with black. I think I'll stick with it for a while.) So you can be pretty sure that anytime one of my sentences starts with the words, "I've been thinking," this is not a off the cuff sort of thing. So on that note, I've been thinking about something that happened earlier this week.

Monday at work, there was a knock at the door and Rene answered it and I heard him and a man talking, so I just went on working, not thinking a thing about it. After a while, Rene came back to the room I was working in and said, "You have a visitor." I said, "Oh? Who is," and just then Jared walks through the door.

Wow, that was weird. When I typed the name Jared, I heard a collective sigh of annoyance from everyone I know. Bizarre.

Needless to say, I was very surprised. He said, "I was driving near here and my truck started to overheat, so I thought, where can I go to wait for it to cool down? And I said, I know! I'll go see my Chucklebutt!" Yes. That's what he calls me. I don't want to hear a single word. Not a word. So we chatted for a while. He told me he's still not sure if he and his baby's momma are getting married or not, cause "she would need to work some things out first," (meaning "she still drives me crazy, but what are ya gonna do?!?") but mostly it was just meaningless chatter. He told me his phone broke and he got a new one, so he needed my phone number again. That is the part that I've mostly been thinking about. I know he wasn't really coming to see me, he just needed a place to chill for a little while, and my work was convenient. But I had no idea he didn't have my number, and I doubt he's planning on calling me. He can still reach me through instant messenger, myspace, and email. He didn't need to get it, I would have been none the wiser. Why did he get it? Just in case? It just confused me. Before he left, he said, "Now I have your number again, so I can text you and bug you like I used to!" He only did that once by the way. Maybe he's just trying to keep his options open. Maybe he's playing the 'we're friends now' role. Or maybe he was just trying to fill up the hour till his truck cooled down. I dunno.

The fact of the matter is, I've kinda put dating on the back burner again. For a while there I was really boy crazy, trying to find someone to take my mind off of Jared. I was talking to all those guys on myspace, and flirting with guys at the club (or at least trying to with no success), and I was all crazy horny and flirty. And then I realized I didn't really want any of those guys. They just weren't Jared. There wasn't the spark, the whatever it is that you have when it's right. So I thought about it for a while. And (**warning** crazy religious mumbo jumbo coming up) then I prayed about it. I told God that 'I really still wanted Jared, even after all that's happened. So if things aren't going to work out between him and his girl, and could work out between him and me, I'm willing to give them space to figure that out, and I can wait. If things are going to work out between them, I won't accept anyone that isn't as cute, funny, and everything else that Jared is. I will only accept someone as good as or better in every way. So help me to be able to be patient until one of those things happens, and to know when it does and be ready for it.' And then something weird happened. All my boy crazy disappeared. All the horny gone. *poof* I think it's God helping me out. You can think it's my subconscious rearranging things for me if you like. Whatever. Also, only one guy, who was totally unacceptable has written me on myspace since then. Making life much easier. Call it coincidence if you wish. I did all this prayin' before Jared came around, and when he did appear, I didn't really feel any great longings for him or anything, more of a feeling of camaraderie mixed with confusion. Of course, while he was there I dropped two models and pinned three models incorrectly. So I could just be deluding myself about how stable I am towards him. So that's what happened. I almost didn't bring it up, because it's nothing, really.

A couple of days ago, I noticed I am getting wrinkles around my eyes. I found it to be somewhat unsettling. People with wrinkles shouldn't have to date people, let alone try to date a guy in his non-wrinkled prime. I'm giving myself mixed messages I think.

Damn the man

So, I have a job, right? Well, for the last few months I have not been working Thursdays and Fridays, due to lack of work. It's hard on the old pocketbook, but pretty good for creating free time. I've gotten pretty used to it. This week I have been completely stressed out because I have so much to do and absolutely no free time, so I was really looking forward to those two free days this week. So yesterday, inexplicably, my boss decides that I not only need to work Thursday to make up for missing Wednesday of next week (due to having to pick Ethan up at the airport), which I am cool with, but I also need to work Friday. Why? Nobody knows. I mean sure, two extra days is going to be really nice on the paycheck, but money ain't getting my government studying done. I was thinking that maybe I could work extra fast and get everything done today, but he has now engineered it so that I HAVE to work tomorrow by ordering me not to do something that only I do until tomorrow. He has good reason I guess. If I invest those veneers, he has to start casting them 15 minutes later, exactly, and he doesn't have time today, but still! (Dentistry talk-just smile and nod.) Now in the evening today, I have Tae kwon do, and tomorrow I'm going to see Harry Potter (which is NOT optional!) and I have church events to attend all day Saturday, and of course Sunday is church. And I somehow have to study a chapter of Texas government, read the next two chapters for government, and start my research for my next paper between all that. Maybe I don't need sleep after all. Multitasking! Will notes survive in the shower?

Men are pigs?

I feel like I should preface this post by saying that the comments and opinions expressed therein do not, I repeat DO NOT apply to any of my guy friends. When I say "guys" I mean guys I don't know, not guys that I spend tons of time with and know really well. Those guys are no longer guys, you are now friends, and therefore real people, not JUST guys. :) So don't go getting all pissed off at me, I know you guys are all sweeties.

On that note, I want to say that I don't get guys. Today I got a message from a guy on myspace. It read, "I AINT TRYIN 2 BUG U BUT AFTER READIN UR PAGE A LIL I THINK UR A DECENT PERSON 2 TALK 2 SO I WROTE U 2 SEE WHATS UP. SO LETS TALK A LIL IF THATS KOOL WITH U." Next to the message was a picture of a muscle bound black guy in a tank top and a dew rag. His handle is "What cha kno bout me?" Not wanting to jump to conclusions, I checked out his profile. I was immediately bombarded by a rap song he has playing on his profile entitled, "Hoes Wanna Know." Charming. His interests are sports and rap. He's also only 21 years old. Now what in the world does he think we could possibly have in common? I'll tell you. He thinks that he likes boobies and snatch, and I HAVE boobies and snatch, so that's enough for him! I mean seriously! Does he really think that that's enough for a relationship? No, he probably (which on his profile he spells "prolly") just thinks it's enough to get us to the first lay, and maybe a few past that if luck holds. Jeez Louise, people, are there really women in this world that will just fall into bed with any random guy that they meet on the internet? I guess so, cause it happened to a friend of mine all the time. But I just don't get it. How do you get from, "Hello random stranger," to bumping nasties. I guess I am old fashioned, I think there should be a little talking first. I know that this was happening before the internet made it so much more universal. Once, in Enid, I was working at a kiosk at the mall and a group of Hispanics came by. A girl told me that her brother said I have beautiful eyes. Trying to graciously accept the compliment I said, "Oh, gracias!" That earned a laugh. The guy then asked me a few questions, through his sister, and then asked me to a movie, again, through his sister. I said to the girl, "Are you going to come along to translate?" She told him, we all laughed and they moved on, point taken. Maybe I'm being too judgmental, I suspect there must be venerable and sincere guys out there who are genuinely looking for a soul mate, someone to grow old with that they can talk and laugh and love with. I say 'I suspect', because I have no tangible data to lay veracity to that idea. Movies and TV would have me believe there are, but if there are guys like that, they sure as hell have never hit on me. (Again, I think my friends are like that, but I really wouldn't know for sure, I've never dated any of them.) I don't know what it is. Maybe I just draw the sex fiends. Maybe the nice guys are just so far and few between that they don't make frequent appearances. Or maybe Morrisey is right, and most people keep their brains between their legs.

Me real smart

Today I got my final draft of my second essay back. She wrote two comments on it. On the front she wrote, "Always great use of MLA format-Thank you!" Now this comment worried me a bit. MLA format? What kind of comment is that? Then on the very last page, she wrote, "Margie: What am I going to do with you? :) With the corrections you made-this paper is flawless. I rarely rarely give this grade but you deserve it. Final grade 100." So that's pretty good I guess. By the way, I made some slight word changes that I think improve it a lot. If you desire to read it again, I have changed the one on here to the current version. October 26th, entitled, "Essay #2." I know, a daring title.
The other essays are an explanatory essay and an argumentative essay, so I don't think I will put them up here, cause those kinds of essays are boring.
Mario told us today that he has applied for a another job. Hooray! Let's hope he gets it. I'm sure Rene's recommendation will be sparkling. :)
My brain feels full, but I can't seem to get my thoughts together. I guess they'll have to wait.

My childhood was a waste

Today I was reading a Spider Robinson book called "User Friendly." It is a collection of essays and short stories. In one of the essays, Spider Robinson tells how when he was six years old, his librarian directed him to the first book without pictures that he read all by himself. It was Spaceship Galileo, By Robert Heinlein. He was six. That's Kindergarten to first grade. Spaceship Galileo. Heinlein. Six years old. Chapters. I was reading at four, but the first thing I read with chapters was The Velveteen Rabbit in second grade. It was the final thing we read in my advanced reading class. I was seven. It was the longest thing I had ever read. I was boggled by it's incredible length, but I carried on and read the whole thing. I didn't even DISCOVER sci-fi until I was around 5th grade. What a waste. I frittered away my childhood. FRITTERED! I could have been reading sci-fi at four, even if I didn't hit Heinlein until later. I feel like such a failure. Apparently I was the imbecile that should have been in smart kid special ed. FRITTERED!!

More tales of high school

When I told you the story of the cute bus driver that may have liked me, I made allusion to the orchestra director and how he might have liked me. I feel that the time is right for that tale of woe. Ok, so there's no woe, but it sounded all dramatic and crap so I couldn't resist.
Most people know that I have weak wrists, due to tendonitis. This was not always so. They used to be strong like bull. And that combined with the massage techniques my mom learned in nursing school made me capable of giving a damn fine backrub. From what I hear. I never was able to give myself a back rub, so this is all second hand knowledge about my back rubbing skills. Anyhoo. My friend Cathy was a violin player, and she would get all tense, so I would give her backrubs. Well, one day, the orchestra director had a really sore back, and she said she knew just the thing, and got me in there to give him a nice shoulder rub, and it worked like the charm. He was pretty youngish, and pretty cute. Of course, back then I wasn't as shallow as I am now, so I'm not sure what I would think if I saw him again. He was uncomfortable at first with the idea, but he was in dire straights, so he caved. He liked it so much, that pretty soon, I was in his office most days after school giving him a shoulder rub. He always closed the shades and the door, but would only accept a back rub if Cathy was there.
Of course, we would talk while all this was going on, and we had very similar personalities. We liked the same things and had the same sense of humor, so we got along like gang busters. One day I noticed he was always singing when I came around, and it was always the same song, "I'm in the Mood for Love." I figured he just liked that song, but Cathy pointed out to me one day that he only sang it when I was there, or when he knew I was coming. Also, one of them (I don't remember which one) told me that I was very, very much like his first wife, both in appearance and personality.
So in my senior year, the orchestra was going on a field trip to somewhere, I don't remember where, and I expressed that I wished I could go there. He said that he could probably arrange it. He would justify it by saying that I was the orchestra masseuse. I thought that it seemed pretty iffy, and he and Cathy agreed, so I didn't go.
That's really all there was to it. When I was away at college, Cathy called to tell me that he had accepted a better job in Florida, and hoped to see me before he left, but he was leaving while I was away at school, so I wasn't able to go see him. I kinda wonder if he just wanted to catch up before he left or what. It seems like all my life the men that I've gotten along best with are either way too old for me or way too young for me. What's up with that?

The Latin club DID take me on their field trip to San Antonio because I illustrated their scrapbook for them. I was happening, it seems. The irony is, some of the clubs I belonged to in high school didn't give rats ass about me. I guess I didn't really find the right nitch. Ah, Mrs RS and that damn Latin club rabbit. She even signed my yearbook in Latin. I had to remind her I wasn't taking Latin. She told me to find a translator. How rude.

little update for you. feel the love!

Well, well, well. Let's see here. Not too much to report. Saw William at the club tonight. I watched who he talked to, and I strongly suspect he may be gay. That would certainly explain the hitch in our relationship. Didn't get hit on, but I think a few guys were noticing me, so that's an improvement anyway. And when I got my cranberry juice the bartender got a thing of ice, threw it up in the air, and caught some of the ice in my cup. That may have just been a bartender thing, but I like to think he was showing off for me. Please leave me my delusions.

I've talked on the phone to two members of my harem. And now I have lost interest in them. You know, it's funny. I was obsessed with finding a man for a long time. Then I gave up and was totally not interested in men. Than Jared dumped me and I became obsessed again. *Gotta find someone to love me! Gotta find anyone!* Now though, now that I have at least two guys that I KNOW would ask me out if I just flirted a little and subtly hinted around, and many other guys sending me messages that don't even make the cut, and guys maybe giving me the eye at the club, I'm not really so worried about it anymore. I guess I just needed to know that I have options out there. It doesn't matter that I'm not interested in any of these poor guys. It just matters that I know that if push came to shove and I had to find a boyfriend right away, I could probably pull it off. So I feel better about things now. Not so obsessed. Of course, I'm not terribly horny right this second. When I'm ovulating, I might have a whole different outlook. And don't think I'm using these guys. I was really hoping something might come of it, but it's just not working out that way.

Man do I have a lot of school work this week. I have a government test on Monday to study for and for Wednesday I have to read three things and write journals about some of them and prepare materials for use on our in-class timed explanatory essay over the movie "The War." Suck. Plus my stupid research paper for Government is due in less than two weeks and I haven't even started yet. Double suck.

Tired now. Must go sleepy time.

Things I believe for no good reason

Here are some things that I believe even though I have no evidence, or tenuous evidence at best.

-I believe in aliens-No, not little green men or anything like that. No flying saucers, no redneck abductions, no anal probes. Just people like us, going about their business on their own planet. I think that for people to believe that we are the only sentient beings in the entire gigantic universe is pure egotism.

-I believe in God-Yes, I really believe that there is a man who is as near perfect as can be who rules over the universe and has a whole system set up to take care of all of our needs. I believe that he talks to us and listens to our prayers. I believe that he sometimes sends messengers to talk to people, such as Joseph Smith. I believe that he loves me and, if it is not going to actually cause me harm, gives me what I ask for.

-I believe in ghosts-No, not ghosts like in the movies. I believe that when people die they go to the spirit world. I believe that the spirit world is actually here, the Earth, on a slightly different layer than we're on. So I believe that spirits are actually all around us, but for the most part they leave us alone. I believe that people are the same after they die, and if a person was a mean, sad person, they'll be a mean sad ghost, but if they were a good person, they're a good ghost.

-I believe that I am completely unique, and just like everyone else-conflicting, I know, but that's the way I am.

-I believe that people make themselves sick-I think that our subconscious has the power to make us sick. When a woman with children who is also a workaholic gets cancer, I think it's her body telling her to take time off and take care of the important stuff. I think when a really independent and stubborn man has a stroke, it's his body telling him to be more humble. So on and so forth. Don't get me wrong, I know there are viruses, bacteria, genetic disorders, etc, and sometimes people just get screwed, health wise, but I think that our brains play a lot more of a role than people think. (ha ha. I made a pun.) I mean, why does one person get the flu and they're up and around in a few days, and the next person is down for three weeks? It's the brain, my friend.


-I believe that people are actually good-I think this is the most insane thing I've typed in this post. I believe that deep down inside, most people are really truly good and will do the right thing when push comes to shove. Isn't that weird? I'm usually really cynical, and I always thought that I thought the worst of people, but lately I realized that I actually don't. Rene recently said that Jared is a natural born fuck-up, and you can't do anything with people like that, you just have to cut them lose. Well, damn. Talk about absolute. I guess when you have that view of people you can just think what ever you want and they don't have to do anything. Some others have expressed views about Jared and others that aren't quite as hostile, but still very negative, but I think that people sometimes make bad decisions and sometimes mess up, but they still aren't necessarily irredeemable. The question is how much am I willing to put up with while waiting for the good side to show up. I guess maybe I'm just naive.