I'll have what SHE'S having

So, you know how I live with my mommy and daddy, right? Well, my mom makes my breakfast and snacks for me. I know, I know. But I tell her she doesn't have to and she claims that she doesn't mind, so I let her. And some days she says, "I don't feel like making your toast and snack tomorrow, so you need to do it yourself." And I say, "Ok." And she makes it anyway. So what can I do? But I think she's getting passive aggressive with my snacks. I always take a tomato juice and a bag of celery and carrots on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and a variety of snacks on Tuesday and Thursday. But she's started screwing it all up, and she'll send the celery and carrots on Tuesday and Thursday. And a lot of times she'll just send carrots, and I've told her I really prefer celery. She says she got confused on the days, but she didn't change back after I pointed it out to her. Passive aggressive.

She used to make my lunch too, but then she was always bitching about it, and I would feel bad, so we got into a huge fight about it and now she doesn't make my lunch anymore. At first she stopped making my lunch to punish me, but I was so glad about it, she stopped altogether. So every once in a while she tries to make me lunch, and I tell her not to, and she gets upset, and we go on. Well, yesterday, (meaning last Tuesday, as I started writing this post last Wednesday and never got around to finishing it.) I walk in and see that she has a bag of frozen shrimp sitting on the counter, which means she's been thinking about making lunch for me again. And, it's not even started yet, so even if she insisted on making it, it probably wouldn't be ready in time and I'd have to rush to eat before going back to work. I hate when she pulls this crap. so with a sigh of annoyance, I say, "There's frozen shrimp sitting out," so that we can go ahead and get this nonsense out of the way. She says, "Yeah, I was thinking about making you some shrimp scampi for lunch." "Well, there's no need for that, I'll just have a peanut butter sandwich," is what I was going to say, but instead I found the words, "Shrimp scampi? That's sounds really good," escaping my lips, unbidden, in meek subservient tones. "Yeah, and I thought that you could cut some slices of avocado and tomato and make an avocado salad to go with it," says she. "Oooh, avocado salad?" I say breathlessly. I have now entered the early stages of culinary orgasm. I call it the excited and tingly stage. "Can you hand me the butter and lime juice?" she says. *Oh yeah* "Do you think 3 cloves of garlic is enough?" *gasp grunt grunt* I cut up the avocados, which are perfectly green without a speck of brown *Ohhh* and are the perfect softness *oh baby, oh yeah* and the tomatoes, which are at the peak of sweet ripeness. *OHH OHH* I adorn them with lime juice, *AHH* salt, *UHHH* lemon pepper, *GASP* and garlic powder. *OH YES!* The shrimp is cooked up quickly and mom piles half on my plate, and I quickly fill up the other half of the plate with avocado salad. *YES! YES!!* I try to eat slowly, but I can't help it, my breath comes quickly as I savor every succulent bite. *OH GOD! YES YES!!* Mom says, "I can't eat the rest of this avocado salad, do you want the rest? "Sure," I reply. *AH AHHH AHHHH Aaaahhhhh* Oh fuck that was good. Man. That means I have to be nice to mom for like a whole week. *sigh* It's a natural of losing control I guess. I think it was worth it, though.

Give me the jitters!

I've been mulling something over, and I need your input. I'm seriously thinking about getting back on the sauce. By sauce I mean soda. Specifically caffeinated soda. I haven't drank caffeine in approximately 3 years, and I'm getting pretty sick of it. So here I will present the pro's and con's of each side and you tell me what you think.

CON:

-Caffeine is bad for you. That's what they say anyway.
-Caffeine is addictive, and I try to avoid addictive things. That's why I got off it in the first place.
-Caffeine could contribute to my migraines. Of course my migraines have practically disappeared since I got off the soy, so they could be entirely related to that. But they say caffeine contributes to migraines, so there you go.
-I think caffeine causes bloating, but maybe it's just the soda, so I dunno.
-If I drank caffeine, I'd drink more soda, which has a lot of calories, and that would be detrimental to my diet.

PRO:

-I'm freaking sick of only being able to drink Sprite and lemonade at restaurants.
-There's caffeine in my migraine pills, so technically, I get caffeine on a regular basis anyway so why not enjoy it?
-I read today that studies show that caffeine could help prevent type 2 diabetes. I am at high risk for type 2 diabetes. I think preventing that would be super!
-I want coke when I eat pizza, dammit.
-Um. . .I really like coke. A lot. And most places don't have caffeine free coke, strangely.

There's more reasons, I'm sure, but I can't think of any more. So, tell me your thoughts. My drinking future rests squarely in your hands. No pressure though.

Why do birds suddenly appear, everytime I'm awake?

As the time for my little love bug to come visit, I find myself becoming more and more excited about it. I guess I may be a loving mother after all. Of course, by day three of his visit, he's sure to be driving me crazy again, and then all will be back to normal. But for now I'm busy planning the things we can do. Lawrence and I are going to take him to the Dallas rainforest aquarium. Ethan loves aquariums. I'd also like to take him to Six Flags, but that will depend on finances. I think on April 9th I'll have a family dinner. All those in the family take note. Anyhoo.

I've been reading Anansi Boys, by Neil Gaiman, and I must say, I am totally loving it! I am afraid that Neil might be trying to dethrone Heinlein as my favorite author. Is that wrong? Am I being disloyal? I feel guilt about this. Maybe I should be punished. *wink wink* But seriously, Heinlein's dead! How can I replace a dead man?!? It's just so wrong!

Last night I got to go to a piano recital with Josh. It was very good, partly because I love spending time with my BFF, but MOSTLY because we got to make jokes about flatulence. Plus the lady's name is Wang, so we made wang jokes a-plenty. For instance, there were many Asians in attendance. I said, "Man, Asians sure must love wang!" Good times. It never stopped being funny, either.

Ok, what the HELL is up with the crazy weather? I live in Texas, and it is officially spring, so the weather is supposed to be in the mid 80's, and yet, instead, it's 45 degrees outside right now! That's like dead of winter temperature! What the hell's going on?!? The world is topsy-turvey! I'm freezing my ass off, and I, for one, say that we shouldn't have to stand for this! Write your congressman! There should be laws about things like this!

I like my boyfriend. Tee hee. Friday we're going shopping for a couch. That's the real deal, baby. I still can't get enough of him, and the world seems like a great place. Today I was reveling in the little things; good songs playing on the radio, my hair swishing around, making a coping really well, stuff like that. The bad stuff didn't even bother me. Is this what happiness feels like? I find it foreign and unsettling. And disconcerting. I'm also a little sleepy, cold, and hungry. I'm not sure if all that's related or not. This lifestyle could upset my whole paradigm is all I'm saying. But I'm willing to make the sacrifice and try to adjust to this strange new world. I'm so brave! :)

dinner, in the corners of my mind

I guess I should update today. The only problem is that I really don't have anything to say. I've got a little headache what with all the rain I guess. Not bad, just annoying. I've been missing my baby today. I will call him after I finish this, go potty, and have something to eat. I know you needed that much detail, right? I need to do my damn homework that I've been putting off all week. Suck. Plus, there's no food. Ok. I know I'm an adult, and I shouldn't want my mommy to cook for me, but here's the thing: she usually does cook on Sunday, and she even stayed home from church today for no apparent reason, and there's no food readily available for easy preparation except for frozen dinners, all of which are jam packed full of soy which means a big NO for Margie. So I'm slightly annoyed that I come home and there's no food a-cookin'. I know I shouldn't be, so I won't say anything, but all week long she hasn't been cooking because the floor in the kitchen was pulled up for repairs, and all week long she's been bitching that she can't get in the kitchen to cook, and now she can get in the kitchen, but still no food. Ok, I'm done being a whiney baby on that particular subject. I'm going to Lawrence's for dinner tonight in a few hours, and he's making lasagna. With ricotta. I hate ricotta. I didn't want to say anything when he was talking about the ricotta because he's sick and I don't want to make him feel worse. I offered to try to find something to rustle up for us here and he said no. *sigh* So, looks like I'll be swallowing down ricottaed lasagna with a big fake smile on my face. Won't be the first time I've faked for a man. *wink wink nudge nudge* Hardy har har.

In related news, I feel like such a heifer. I've completely abandoned my diet in full celebration of spring break, and I feel so slubby. I have resolutely refused to weigh myself, but my tire has grown. Damnation. So tomorrow I have to be strong and get back to it with full dedication. *sigh again*

Yep. That's about all. Soooooo. . .ttyl.

splitting hairs

I already had a small humorous comment made up about how ironic it is that nobody commented on my post about how every body's loving some Margie these days, and how once again Irony has made me her bitch, but then Cainnum commented and ruined the whole thing! Good job, Cainnum! Just kidding, love.

Second on my agenda today: Lawrence is sick. Very sick. And as a result, I haven't gotten to see him since Monday, and, even though that's just a few days, and we still talk on the phone twice a day for a total of anywhere from 1-3 hours, I am majorly jonesing for some Lawrence time. Pathetic. But I wanna make out dammit! *sigh* I hope he's better in time for our scheduled date tomorrow night. He's changed it to "tenative" just in case he's not better. Grrr.

And lastly, my hair issues. You see, I died my hair black back in August when I was dating Jared because Jared really likes girls with dark hair and light eyes. But I think it looks pretty good myself. Well, when Jared and I finished at last, I decided I didn't want black hair anymore, so I bought a new color: dark reddish brown. But, due to a variety of factors, I wasn't able to dye my hair right away, and by the time I was able to, I realized that I really do still like it black. But, I had the dye, so I went ahead and went for it. But there's a problem. Only the most recent growth took the dye. Most of my hair is still black. So now I look like a red head badly in need of a root job. Great. So, now I am faced with a decision, and I want your opinion on this. Pay attention boys and girls!

Option 1) dye my roots black again and go to the hairdresser at some undefined point in the future (when I have money and really really want to change my hair color) and have her fix it. If she can.

2) Lawrence offered to pay for the hairdresser NOW if I really want to change my haircolor right now, which I'm not even really sure about. He says it looks great, and says he doesn't mind it whatever color I want to make it. Except blonde. Men.

3) Start dying the roots with semi-permanent black and keep it up for the next 3-4 years until all the permanent black is grown out.

4) Dye it dark brown and hope it blends well enough that I can pull it off till the future point where I want to change it to a lighter color.

Now put in your vote, or feel free to offer additional options that I haven't thought of. Like I said, I kinda like it black, but it does seem a little dark for summer, and I hate to continue doing something to my hair that could be irreversible. But then again, once I get away from black, I might hesitate to ever dye it black again, so maybe I should keep it black till I'm for sure really really sick of it. *shrugs* Help!

Gonna get on down to. . .Margie-TOWN!

Lately I've been noticing more people trying to get on the Margie train. I'm confused and a bit alarmed by this to be honest. After a lifetime of being an unpopular and jaded loner, filling the lonely hours with the attentions of the few people in this world that I can relate to, and are intelligent enough to relate back, I'm not sure what to think of me seeming to be going mainstream. It's weird, and makes me a little uncomfortable. I've noticed lately when I go places, more and more people talk to me in a friendly fashion for no apparent reason. Sunday, Michelle Kazynski was in the library talking to Emily, my Library assistant, about some dinner they're planning, and I made a joke about how I wanted to go to a party, and Michelle said, "We're getting together for dinner next Sunday, you should come, that would be awesome!" She said it in a very excited way, as if she actually WANTED me to come. What's up with that? I said, "Oh, well, I've been going to my boyfriend's house on Sundays," to which she replied that I should bring him too, and I think she might even implied that that would also be "awesome!" So now I've been invited to have dinner with two Mormon couples, bringing along a man that would make me the third Mormon couple. That seems a little "cute little dinner party" to me. I'm still not sure if I'm gonna go or not, and I haven't mentioned it to Lawrence. I recently received an invitation to a Pampered Chef party. Me. Not my mom. Just me, like I'm a real adult person or something. It's weird. And today, the lady that works down the hall from me invited me to lunch. She wears sweaters, slacks, and jewelry. Like, she's a professional and stuff. Of course, I wear baggy capris, a soiled t-shirt (it gets dirty at work, it doesn't start out that way), flip flops, and a messy tangle of hair barely pulled into a pony tail. I dunno. Of course, there's also been more strangers commenting on this very blog, but I think that might have something to do with Hussy's lack of updates lately. I think her readers are having to fill the empty lonely hours with other people's blogs. Sad, really.

Of course, I have noticed that the man who stands at the corner with the signs reading, "Holiness unto the Lord," and, "Please stop for news," has been pulling in a lot of marks lately. Maybe it's just the weather making people more open and friendly and this will all stop in a month or two. Who knows? Not me, that's for sure!

In other news, I've really been enjoying a site called: www.cockeyed.com So far, I've only read bits of the "How much is inside?" section, where they find out how much is in various things, such as a can of shaving cream. It's good stuff, people, you should check it out! Go now! No, WAIT! Comment first, then go! Get a move on, people!

Seasons don't fear the reaper

Ah, spring. The birds are singing, the temperature is pleasant, the sun is shining. Love is in the air, and so is. . .pollen, mold, dust, fungus, and any other countless number of allergens. Some fun. Spring is usually the time of year when I, for one, want to curl into a little ball and stay in my room until swimsuit season. You may all remember that earlier this week, I was sick. I had a runny nose, headache, sore throat, cough and fever. Now my fever's gone and I feel much better. Now I just have the runny nose, headache, sore throat and cough. What an improvement! Yesterday, my dad and I ran a couple of errands. It was me and him, riding in the truck with the windows down, my long hair blowing in the breeze. The sun was shimmering in the sky as Spring opened her sleepy eyes and smiled at us with a twinkle in her eye. The radio was playing oldies that you could really sing along to, and dad was whistling merrily. It reminded me of when I was a little girl and just knew that at any second my dad could randomly decide to stop at 7-11 for a slurpee or somewhere for an ice cream cone. It was sublime. Plus, since we were running errands for my boss, I was getting paid $13.75/hr, which is always nice. But I paid the price later. Oh yes. My nose clogged up, my throat clogged up, my voice became all sexy and scratchy, but I guess there's an upside to every situation. The lovely wind that blows in at 65 miles per hour drives the allergens into my skin, hair, and orifices with the brutal efficiency of a shark attacking a bleeding surfer. *sigh* Even with my lovely lovely steroid shot that makes life bearable, spring is just too much for little ole me. Without the shot, I would be a useless mess right now, and probably would have to be on antibiotics because my allergies would have been so bad that I would have developed a sinus infection and bronchitis. Believe me, it used to happen every spring. I think Mother Nature hates me. I'm not her favorite, that's for DAMN sure.

you asked, I answered!

Once again, my public is clamoring for news of my exciting and inspirational exploits. But, sadly, I am sick, complete with sore throat, hacking cough, and fever, so I have no brain power to think of interesting things to say, so I will respond to the comment from Kiera:

So...what's happening in your life now? Has your boss decided to pro/demote you? Have you learned any new killer moves in Tae Kwon Do? Is Ethan doing anything fun in Utah...has Lawrence taken you anywhere exciting? What about your mom...is she crazy with wedding fever? Making you try on dresses? Pick centerpieces? Your public wants to know! :)

What's happening in my life: uh. . .I'm sick. I'm going out with Julianna tonight. Uh. . .I like tacos.

Has my boss decided to pro/demote me: Nope. There's been no change of status, although he did send me home sick because of my horrible cough. Do you think that's significant?

Have I learned any new killer moves in tae kwon do: Well, Sunday I showed you (meaning Kiera) the latest move I learned, the Audubon (or Autobahn?) kick, which entails spinning around and ending in a roundhouse kick. It makes me feel like a very mean ballerina.

Is Ethan having fun in Utah: Seems to be. No change really.

Has Lawrence taken me anywhere fun: Not this week, although Saturday we're going to Riverdance. Very exciting! I hope my fever's gone by then. Then in April, we're going to see Phantom of the Opera, and I don't know when, but we'll be going to Scarborough. Thanks to Lawrence, I have an exciting jet-set lifestyle now. Look on me with jealousy and envy.

Mom and wedding plans: Nope, mom's calmed down finally. I imagine that when she again gets new information from Sister Christopher about her daughter's wedding plans, it'll start up again. She seems to be leaving the whole dress situation up to me, as she hasn't even MENTIONED a dress. Weird really.

So that's it. I hope this sates your Margie needs for a couple of days. Maybe soon I'll actually have something interesting to say. :) Good day to you.

Carpe Boss's Jugulum

I'm here to say that my boss is an idiot. This morning he tells me I need to get a certain amount of work done on the plaster bench, that amount being, everything due by the thirteenth. That amounts to 15 cases. No problem. I can usually whip off 16 cases in one day when I work on the plaster bench. Oh yeah, and since he didn't want to work Friday, I ALSO need to wax everything due by tomorrow, which is 5 units. Ummm. . .although I have been known to wax 16 units in a day when I am waxing exclusively, I usually wax 8-9. So, today I not only have to make 15 models, I have to wax 5 units. RIIIIIGHT. Does not compute, moron. Simply not possible. Oh, and my the way Margie, in your spare time, bill Cano and write the rent check cause I'm too busy or too lazy to do it my own damn self. Oh, and when you first come in, can you spend 30 minutes looking at my stupid model airplane while I tell you all the things I did to it this weekend? That would be super. Dear Lord this he is annoying. There's no way in HELL I can get all this done today. Well he can just kiss my grits, I'll do what I can, and if he doesn't like it maybe he'll think twice about making me take Fridays off when I really should work.

Another thing he did today really pissed me off. He's told me, that when he's ready to get out of this business in a couple of years, I'll probably take over. Well, I'm not completely committed to that, but you know, I think if he said it, he should stick to his end. Well, today he was telling me that a guy called looking for a job, and he told the guy that it's to bad the guy's not certified, because he would be perfect to take over the lab in a couple of years. Um. . .hello! You realize you're telling this to the person who works for you right now that you ALREADY told could take over and run the lab, right? Fucking jackass. I was feeling bad about the idea of maybe quitting when I get married, but suddenly all that guilt flew right out the window. Jeez what a moron.

And I guess I should formally announce it. I am head over heels in love with Lawrence. I don't know why, I just am. I spent all day yesterday with him and I still could barely drag myself away. Sad really. I've turned into a pathetic love sick version of my self. Oh well, I guess I'll just have to get used to it.

All that and a bag of low fat chips

I am not trying to brag or anything, but I am desperately in need of clothes. After losing so much weight (from 260 to 175 and hopefully more), I can really no longer wear even the clothes that were the tightest that I used to wear. I have given away 5 black garbage bags full of clothes, and bought a few items of clothing in the interim, but even those are getting baggy on me. I didn't want to buy too many clothes, because if I get down to my ideal weight, I will probably drop another size or (maybe) two (but I doubt it). But I really couldn't hold out any longer. I had to have a few key pieces, mainly more capris, but also a nice shirt, and a dress and another skirt wouldn't hurt any either. So, seeing the need was inescapable, I decided to bite the bullet and get some things. But, being wise, I would get them at Walmart! Cheap, and it doesn't matter about quality cause who knows how long I'll need them! I am smart. I look for things. Things that make us go. Uh. . .anyway. So I go, and I've been wearing a size 14-16 at Lane Bryant, which is where I usually shop, but their clothes are getting too big for me, mostly because that aren't cut right for my build anymore. I look for 14-16, but they have their clothes on the 12-14/16-18 sizing. Grr. I was worried that one would be too big, and the other too small, but guess what! I fit into the 12-14's! I can't believe it! I am so excited! I went from a size 22 to a size 12! Does that mean I've dropped 10 sizes, or is it only 5 sizes, since they use the even numbers? Wow. I feel such a sense of accomplishment. Of course, I still need to lose more, but still, not too shabby. I bought; a cute pink skirt, 2 pairs of capris, a nice white button up shirt with 3/4 length sleeves, and a black wrap around dress that is somewhat similar to the one I already have. But the one I already have is getting quite baggy on me since it's a size 20, and this new one was on clearance for $11! Can't get much better than that!

Now before everyone posts comments like, "Oh wow, it must be rough to have problems like having to buy new clothes because all your old ones are too big," please keep in mind that I am a very practical person. It annoys me to no end to have to buy clothes that I might not be able to wear in a few months. I don't have the money nor the patience for that kind of crap. And that's what everyone says, so it wouldn't be original at all. But if I have to buy clothes, it's nice that the clothes are pretty cute this season at least. :)

Regular posting: thing of the past?

So it seems some people get upset with me when I don't post regularly. I find this ironic on several levels. I will list them now.

1) Some of those people rarely comment anyway, so they are basically just blog moochers.

2) Some of those people will go weeks or even months without posting, yet get upset when I go a few days.

3) My life is really fucking boring, so who cares? I mean seriously. I love all yous guys who read, but I wouldn't read my blog, so I don't know why you do.

4) I'm so busy, you'd think I'd have more interesting crap to talk about. But apparently not.

So there you go. I've talked to Josh about the irony, and he disagreed with me completely. Here are his responses (summarized in my words. Josh cannot be legally bound by these statements.)

1) Haven't discussed this one.

2) He says that it's perfectly reasonable for people who don't post to want me to post. He says that I get upset when the authors I like don't put out books regularly, but I don't try to write one myself, so I should understand. But I say that the big difference here is that I am in no way claiming to be an author, whereas the people I know ARE claiming to be bloggers. In your face, Josh!

3) He says that while my life may seem boring to me, it's kind of interesting in a soap opera sort of way. I guess that the correlation can be seen through the fact that I have absolutely no interesting in watching One Tree Hill, yet it stays on the air for some reason. I don't get it.

4) He says that I have plenty to talk about. He points out the fact that I complained about my idiot Interpersonal Communications teacher for like 45 minutes last night. But I say that I can't talk about my teacher every few days. I mean, he's not Jared for pete's sake. :) Josh observed that my life, and even my personality is driven and fueled by angst and misery, and now that I'm happy, I have nothing to talk about. He says it'll take some time to adjust to this new paradigm. This does not change the fact that I'm really freaking busy all the damn time.

I was very pleased, however, to see that BOTH Josh AND Cainnum have updated recently! Hooray! Way to go guys! Now everyone start updating three times a week and my life will be complete. Seriously.

I think the important lesson to be learned here is that my interpersonal communications teacher is an idiot. Really. I think that I could read the chapter, and then teach a better class than him. Maybe I'll go into this next time. Or maybe I'll wait till Monday when I have even more fodder for my ire.

Hell has frozen over, folks

Ok, knowing full well that Cainnum can't listen to my audioblog, I decided to go ahead and do another post today. But everyone should still listen to my audioblog! Everyone except Joe, Shemsi, and Kiera, cause they already have. Yay! Go team!

Now you remember how when I first started dating Lawrence, I predicted that just when things are getting really good with him, Jared would pop back up? Well, I must be psychic. Yesterday, I'm talking to Candi on IM, when *brrrring* up pops a new conversation box from good ol' you know who. I was, quite frankly, astonished, and more than a little appalled. I don't even have him on my friends list anymore, so I had no idea that he was even online. I said, "Well, I never expected to talk to you again." To which he replied, "Well after the way I treated you I would be surprised if you're even willing to talk to me." Since I really just don't give a shit about him anymore, I told him that, "Live and let live is my philosophy." We exchanged the bare minimum of small talk, and I asked how the little lady's doing. He said, "Eh." I said, "That sounded enthusiastic." He told me that he basically only got back together with her and stayed with her because she helped him get his new job. Ok, first: RIIIIIGHT. Secondly: wow. And that's exactly what I said, "Wow." He said, "?" And I replied, "That just made you sound like a huge jackass." He agreed that it probably did. At this point the conversation pretty much floundered and after 5 minutes of silence I told him I needed to get ready for tae kwon do. Which was true, so I wasn't even lying.

Now, granted, Jared didn't come on to me or ask me out, but I know his methods. Everytime he gets tired of his girlfriend, he strikes up "friendly" talks with me to feel out his chances. And hopefully, things went poorly enough that he'll see that there's no chance. I was trying to figure out how to work the phrase "my boyfriend" into the conversation, but time was so short, I couldn't do it without being way obvious. Maybe that would have been a good thing, though. If only he had asked me how I'm doing, I totally could have done it then! The balls on this guy! Seriously!

Of course, I called Lawrence right away, and he laughed his ass off. He said, "If you want to go out with him, go ahead, it'll just cement in your head how much better I am!" Man, is he secure with himself. I was thinking, I dunno, I think Jared's an ass and don't want to have anything to do with him, but face to face, if he turns on the charms. . .I'm not saying I would definitely crumble, but some temptations you should just stay away from, ya know? I also don't do crack, just in case. I'm a planner that way. I told him I DO NOT want to go out with Jared. He then suggested that the three of us should get together, it would be funny. I said, "Quite frankly, I don't want anything to do with the guy. I don't want to talk to him, let alone go to lunch with him!" And he said, "I'm fine with that, too."

So, yeah. Wow. What a jackass. I wish he would grow up. But I don't even have to think about him. I'm going out with Lawrence tonight. I'm so excited! I just can't seem to spend enough time with him. tee hee.

My eyes are green/brown hazel, but they stay green almost all the time. They really only turn brown when I'm alone, and I have to be really relaxed and content. Pretty much ANY emotional excitement will turn them green, such as talking to someone or being in the same room as someone. I had told Lawrence as much, and predicted that he may never see them brown, which he's cool with cause he loves my eyes. But the other night, he looked at me and said, "Your eyes are brown. One might think you're content or something." Crazy! But a good crazy I think. *big goofy grin*

Look! A bandwagon! Let's jump on it!

my wonderful weekend

Hello chicos y chicas! I am having the best time lately! Who knew life could be so much fun? Not me, that's for sure!

Saturday, Lawrence and I went to the Modern, which of course, I love. He doesn't know much about modern art, so I got to explain it to him some, and I think we had the must fun at this one exhibit where the artist had taken a picture of his wife with her three sisters every year from 1970 to now and they were all lined up around the room in order. It was really interesting to see them age and change. Lawrence kept thanking me for being willing to go to cultural events with him. Him. Thanking me. Uh. . .don't women usually have to drag men kicking and screaming to stuff like that?

Sunday, he came and picked me up to take me to his house because he made me dinner. He also brought me some gorgeous flowers. He made this chicken with a lemon gravy and lemon rice. It was deliciouso. Is this guy for real? If I hadn't known him when he was married and didn't already know that he treated his first wife with the utmost chivalry, I would think it was all an act just to catch me. Seriously. I feel like I'm finally getting the pay off for having to put up with such creeps all the other times I've dated. We also watched Amelie, which, for those of you not in the know, is a delightful French romantic comedy with subtitles. He actually seemed like he enjoyed it!

*sigh* Yep. Life is good. Now if only I don't fail my classes. Soon I will write about something else. I promise. Well, I'll try.

Fill in a good title here. I can't think of one.

Man, having a boyfriend is time consuming. I seem to spend all my free time talking to Lawrence on the phone. Which I enjoy, but then I realize that I've spent the hour and a half I had set aside for homework talking, and this happens repeatedly. At least I'm enjoying the time spent throwing away my education. And I'm two eps behind on Gilmore Girls, but for some reason, I'm having a hard time stressing out about it. But I think I've gotten boring, because I can't think of a damn thing to write about other than Lawrence. Sad really. Now I'm going to clean my room, dammit. The mess has gotten to the point that it's making me crazy. Plus Lawrence's house made feel like a slob. He was all apologizing for the mess and said, "You can tell I live like a bachelor." I looked around, and I was like, uh. . .mess? Where? It was completely immaculate. When I said this, he pointed out that there were piles of bills on the kitchen table. Oh the horror. I couldn't stand being in such a pig sty a second longer. lol. Wow. I think if we do get married, he might suffer from culture shock.

Plus-my mom has wedding fever already. Yesterday at lunch, she was planning who could help and stuff. She's never really talked about that kind of thing before, so I didn't realize she was into that sort of thing. She and dad eloped, so maybe she has wedding needs piled up from her own life.

Last night, for the first time in years I had a dream that wasn't a searching dream! Yay! Those searching dreams were frustrating, I'm glad to see them go.

daily crap

There's this guy that stands at the corner of 377 and 1171 everyday during high traffic times and holds up these signs saying "Holiness unto the Lord," and, "Please ask for news." He's also put up a large wooden croos made from 2x4s. As I pass him 4 times averyday on way to and from work, and to and from lunch, I have gotten to the point that have to actively suppress the urge to stop and ask him for news. You know, like, "So, what's the latest on the war in Iraq?" Or, "How's the guy that Dick Cheney shot doing?" It's mean, I know, and fortunately my laziness overcomes my mean streak just about everytime.

Guess what. I have a boyfriend! Tee hee. Yep. Lawrence and I decided we're a couple now. I know, you're getting whiplash from my mood changes, but I really like him now. He's so funny and sweet! Yeah, he's still a dork, but I think I can handle it. :)

Last time I weighed I had lost 5 more pounds! I hope I really lost them and they weren't just hiding.

Back in the saddle

Good news! Lawrence is on the good list again. Turns out I was feeling pressured and being wiggy before, and we went shopping yesterday, and it all came out and we talked and it's all good now. After I found out he's not planning on popping the question next week or anything, I was able to relax and we had lots of fun all afternoon and evening. And I got him to promise not to overwhelm me with gifts. I wouldn't let him by me anything at the mall, even thought he tried several times. Then tonight was the Single Adult fireside, and we ended up holding hands and cuddling up together the entire two hours. Afterward, we ended up talking in the parking lot for hours (Ok, it wasn't JUST talking. And Dr. Cudd, Kevin Peters, and Jim Kepple came out in the middle of us making out. How embarrassing!) and we connected really well.

On the superficial front, I finally brought up his glasses and how much I don't like them, and I found out he doesn't like them either! He's already planning on getting new smaller ones, and asked me if I'd come along to help pick out the frames! Yay! And he even offered to shave his beard without any prompting from me! Sweet!

I told him that back when I was friends with him 11 years ago, that I totally thought that if he wasn't married already I would totally go out with him, and he confessed that he kinda had a crush on me back then. tee hee.

We're going out on Saturday, to a place of my choosing, so I have to figure out what I want to do. He asked if he could please do something for me for Valentine's Day, and after a short discussion, I agreed that he could get me something small. That made him happy, and I like making men happy. :) Good times. Yep. I definitely like him.

ungood

Bad news, boys and girls. Lawrence is starting to bug me. What with the being a huge dork and the adoring stares. Yeah. Hmm. I still going out with him some more, to give him a fair chance, but I'm not sure this train is going anywhere.

Chopping block: because serial killers are people too

I know I usually post every other day, but I have started reading the fucking funniest web comic ever. It's really dark, and you'll have to have a super dooper dark sense of humor like me to like it, but I think some of you will. I was going to put one on here, but apparently I can't. So here's the link: www.choppingblock.org Go read it and come back and tell me what you think!

finally been kissed!

The symphony was not as bad as I thought it would be. It was actually kinda fun. It was done as a narrative, and the narrator was none other than Anthony Daniels, that's right, C3-P0 himself. He was funny, too. Everytime there was a mention of C3-P0 in the narrative, he would totally play up his part, like saying, "the HEROIC C3-P0," and so on. And the conductor would give him dirty looks. Good times. During the Imperial march, storm troopers marched up and down the aisles and Darth Vader threatened us from the organist's perch. Lawrence held my hand on the way in. Isn't that cute? And he kept telling me things during the symphony, which meant whispering in my ear, which totally turns me on. Also, on the way there, he basically said that he's worried because he knows that I can do better that him, looks wise. (I'm paraphrasing on that.) I wasn't really sure how to respond to that. I was like, "uh. . .thank you?" He laughed.

Afterward, he told me that he's the kind of guy that likes to shower a woman with gifts like flowers, jewelry, candy, etc, all the time, not just on holidays, and wanted to know if I'm comfortable with that. I told him that I don't know, because in all the time I've been dating, I've received a total of 2 gifts from guys, and one was flowers and a teddy bear on Valentines day that was accompanied by being dumped. He was appalled, and he said, "So, you're going from totally drought to me. Well, you're dating a higher quality of loser now, you'll get used to it."

He was talking about buying a four door sedan (he's driving a Ford Ranger right now), and he was checking to see which ones I like. I said I like roomy cars that go fast, and he was like, "So, you wouldn't mind if I bought a Dodge Charger?" I said, "I don't know what that is." "It's a muscle car," he said, "but it's still got room inside." I was like, "Oh, yeah, I love muscle cars!" I made sure he knows I don't drive a stick. :) Literally, not metaphorically. In my experience, when a guy's getting car approval from a girl, he's got intentions.

When we got back to my house, he came in and Mom and Joe attacked like rabid wombats and talked to him for about 40 minutes, and at one point Joe was saying that whenever someone gets divorced, they always have a rebound relationship afterwards. (Joe was saying this because he's considering dating a girl that recently left her husband, not in reference to Lawrence being divorced.) But Lawrence said, "Well, that's not always true. I tried to wait long enough that hopefully that won't happen." And he looked straight at me when he said it. It made me smile.

So, I walked him out, and it seemed like he wasn't going to kiss me, so I just said, "You know, if you don't kiss me soon, I'm gonna have to start using feminine wiles, and I'm not good with feminine wiles, so nobody wants that, it wouldn't work out well." After a short conversation about that, he finally went for it. Tee hee! So I found out that he can make my heart go pitter pat after all. Yay! But now I'm even hornier than normal, and that is not something I would have thought possible. My productivity is shot to hell today, and I'm hardly getting anything done at work. *Sigh* Oh well, at least there's not too much pressing. I'll see him again Friday! Yay!

Still no kissing yet

Hey, remember back a long, long time ago before Jared asked me out when I hadn't had a real date in 8 years? What the heck did I blog about back then? Nobody knows. I guess I probably bitched about my mother. She's not so annoying these days, so I guess without boys, I wouldn't have a thing to say. Sad really.

Lawrence called me on Saturday and invited me to the symphony Tuesday night. And I talked to him again on Sunday, and he seems far more comfortable with me all of the sudden. He even made reference to "our children." Meaning the ones en potentia. Hmm. He was asking me what kind of smells I'm allergic to, so that he doesn't use air freshener at his house that would give me allergies, and was rather dismayed to find out about my allergy to roses. I told him that I still like roses and I could keep them in a different room and visit them sometimes. I also told him that I'm allergic to lavender and sandalwood. He said, "Well, I guess I can throw out that sandalwood massage oil." Hmm. He said he'd call me tonight. Even though we talked on the last two days and I'll see him tomorrow, and we already have another date on Friday. Hmm. I guess that taking things slow bit is a thing of the past. In the words of Captain Jack Sparrow, "That's interesting." But I have a secret. I think I like him. Lots. Tee hee.

Dance everybody dance everybody dance!

So, apparently, my (almost non-existent) relationship with Andy is so epic, so Homeric, that it spans not one, but TWO whole blogs! Epic! Homeric! So, what do you say Andy? Let's bury the hatchet and be bestest buds. For the children. Won't somebody think of the children? (Said children being Josh and Shemsi.) Can't you see the hate is tearing them apart!?! Check this box for yes, and this one for no. Uh. . .I don't know how to make boxes, so, I guess, never mind.

On a completely unrelated topic, tonight I went to the single adult church dance, and it was entirely unremarkable, except for one thing. There was this guy there who started talking to me (after I asked him if he dropped drugs in my drink while I was gone. He said he did.) and he was from the Czech Republic originally, but lives in Houston and is here visiting friends for the weekend. He was ruggedly handsome, and was kinda flirting with me, and we were talking about cars, which he apparently likes to buy, and he told me I need to find a guy to buy me a car, so of course I cuddled up to him, and when I did I got his cologne all over me. Now, of all the things that turn me on, and the list is quite vast, believe you me, cologne is BY FAR the number one item on the list. Seriously. Nothing gets my engine cranked faster than the smell of cologne. I have no idea why. So, every since then, I smell like cologne. And now I'm all like, "How YOU doin'." To myself. Cause I smell so damn good. I'm thinking about trying to get into my pants. But I don't want me to think myself easy. Maybe I should take myself out to dinner first. Actually, everyone was going to IHOP after the dance and they all wanted me to go, but I'm all headachey and tired because of my sinus infection, but I seriously considered going to spend more time with Yurig. I think that's how you spell his name. Eh, who cares, I'll never see him again. But then I was like, nah, I probably won't be able to get him to make out with me, so what's the point? :) I swear, I'm the worst Mormon ever.

So, I promised I would try to be clever and scintillating this time, but I feel I missed that lofty goal. Sorry about that. But you still have to keep reading, because you never can tell when the clever and scintillating might strike! I guess I should go take my clothes off now. To get the cologne smell off me! Get your mind out of the gutter!

Hey. What's up.

Well, I know I said that I would share with you the messages that Jared and I have been exchanging, but, well, I just don't feel like it. Quite frankly I am sick of the whole thing. Let's just say that we are through, and we're not even friends anymore, and I am pretty fine with that. I even removed him from my friends list on myspace and yahoo messenger. It sure as hell makes my life a whole lot less complicated, and now I don't have to waste one more second of my time or efforts on that fucker. Except in a business capacity. Get this: in the middle of all this, Rene says, "We have everyone's W-2's, but we don't have an address for Jared for some reason. So you need to call him and get his address so you can mail that to him." Fun. So, I've left messages on his house phone and his cell phone and he hasn't called back. I figure at this point it's his own damn problem. This is the message I left, "This is Margie at American Dental Arts. We have your W-2, but we don't seem to have an address for you. So you need to come pick it up or call and give us your address so we can get that mailed out to you. The phone number is 1-800-417-6777." Just like that. And now I will stop talking about him. Good riddance.


But on to other things that piss me off. Like the radio. The other day, the universe came together to play only songs that I hate. Get this:

The Edge: that damn Jewish regae guy. Last name of Yahoo I think. I hate that stupid song. I don't care how many cultures you combine in a song, if one of them is regae, it's gonna suck.

Mix: That Nickelback Photographs song. You know, the first 17 times I heard that song, I thought it was tolerable. Then during the course of the next 145,783,297 times I heard it, I started finding it annoying. Now it makes me want to kill people. Specifically: Nickelback. And maybe all the radio program managers in the area.

Jack: Some song that I've never heard before, but in 4 notes, I identified that it came from the 70's, and it blows.

On to second string-

Oldies station: Unchained Melody by the Everly Brothers. AHHHHHH! MY EARS! MY PRECIOUS EARS!!!! I FUCKING hate HATE HATE this song.

Soft Rock station: It's In His Kiss by Cher. It's a lie Cher! LIES! It's not in his kiss at all! You tell if a man loves you by his actions, not by how well he makes out with you! Stop leading young girls astray with your lies!

I would rather listen to Beastie Boys or commercials than any of those songs, and anyone that knows me can tell you that THAT is extreme. So. That was crazy. It was too clever, too maniacal to be an accident, it was obviously a government plot to make me hate the radio even more so that I will subscribe to satellite radio or buy more cd's. It's all about spending money my friends. I will not be held responsible for the economy though! So there! Next time I will try to be clever and scintillating, I promise.

Sybil! Sybil! I want to talk to Margie now!

I was going to say this in the comment spot of the last post, but I decided it was too long. Well, I think crazy Margie has gone back in her box now. I really appreciate all the kindness and support from everybody. Jared and I have been exchanging (sometimes rude but not always) messages, and I will definitely let you all know how this plays out. For sure we're over though. Once crazy Margie comes out, things are never the same. I also spent about an hour in the phone with Dave (Ethan's dad) last night, and that really helped. I know it's weird, but when I have a really really serious meltdown, he's who I turn to. Other than Josh, but I feel like when I have relationship problems Dave has a hand up on Josh cause Dave dated me for two years and has slept with me. (Sorry Josh, I know you want to, but it's just not gonna happen. That was a joke for people who didn't catch it.) So Dave knows me in ALL my shades of crazy, and knows my backstory so he doesn't even need catching up. The best part of the conversation was when I told him nobody could love me, and cited him as proof. Good times. He was distraught and told me extensively how that was his fault, not mine. So I guess it's just my fault that I pick these guys that can't love me, that I am not actually intrinsically unlovable. I feel sorry for him though, because he puts up with this and doesn't even get sex out of it anymore. But he kinda feels like he owes me I think. He's always saying how bad he feels for how he treated me, so maybe he feels like being there for me now makes up for the past. And his wife doesn't even mind. But when did this post become about him? I don't want to tell content of the messages until I have the whole story, so that's something to look forward to. But I feel better today, so there's no need for a suicide watch or anything like that. But when Crazy Margie left, she let me with a splitting headache. Why am I always having to pay for her shortcomings?

I apologize in advance

I haven't signed into myspace in a while, but I got an email saying that I had a new comment, so I went to see what it was. It was crap from a stupid girl I know, but I saw that Jared (whom I can't seem to take off my friends list) has a new picture. So, like a crack addict in the ghetto, I was drawn to his profile. I couldn't keep myself from clicking on his picture. And when I got to his profile, I saw that he had put a new blog entry up yesterday. Of course I had to read it. This is what is said:

"Cristina's mad at me right now. She looks like she could cut me up into little pieces at the moment. She's so afraid that I dont love her or that I want someone else. Someone who's not "fat and ugly". Thats not the case though. I think she's beautiful, and I do love her. I've never thought she was ugly or fat. She's just pregnant. Of course I dont mention anything regarding mood swings or she puts a Xena neck pinch move on me. She's ornery like that.
I guess the reason I'm posting this blog is to try my best to indicate to her that I dont desire anyone else. I know she will be reading this soon. So when you read this Cristina, know that I love you. I've made mistakes in my past with you, but thats over and done with. I want to forget that and move on to something better. a future that involves us and with nothing but happiness. I know thats what you want, and I know thats what you'll fight to get.
So........forgive me? I promise there was no malicious intent. It was purely innocent. No one could replace you. I love you. :-)"

So, I guess that I'm the mistakes that he wants to move on from. I know that he might not even have been referring to me, but I couldn't help myself. I sent him a message saying exactly that ("So, I guess I'm the mistakes you talk about in your blog."). Followed simply by the word, "Thanks." Man I'm psychotic. I hate being me. I hate being obsessive. I hate that I can't seem to fucking get over him despite the fact that I really really fucking want to. I want to scream and hit things. I want to run away. I want to cry till I have no tears left. But I can't because I'm an introvert and I bottle all of this up and turn it into cranky. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKK. I FUCKING HATE THIS. WHY WHY WHY WHY CAN'T I EVER EVER EVER LOVE SOMEONE THAT CAN POSSIBLY LOVE ME BACK. I hate him. I hate me. I fucking hate all of fucking everything. And I fucking hate that I fucking still feel this way. He's an fucking asshole that obviously doesn't want me. I hate myself for fucking still being hurt. And I wish that my fucking brothers could fucking lay off making fun of me for one fucking day because I don't think they understand the extent of fucking self loathing I am filled with for fucking feeling this way. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! I think it's great if he wants to fucking marry the pregnant slut that he started fucking while he was still FUCKING dating me and telling me fucking lies (about how he wasn't fucking anyone) and then left for me and then fucking left me for her a-fuckin-gain. I think that families should be together if they can be. So why the FUCK can't I fucking stop all these fucking feelings. Fucking hell.

Lawrence didn't kiss me. He decided to wait until the third date. And you know what they say, the fastest way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Lawrence is nice and treats me really well. I hope I fall for him.

I need a Amanda Huggenkiss

Ok, so you remember how I said that I worked for Albertson's and they seem like they're doing alright? (See January 17th) Well, I just heard a rumor that Albertson's has had to sell off a bunch of stores to three different companies. My destruction reigns supreme!

I may be breaking privacy laws and crap by telling you this, but I must. Today we received a case for a patient named. . .Desire Beavers. I kid you not. That can't be a real name. Seriously. Rene and I laughed so hard we turned red. If Beavers is her maiden name, why would her parents name her Desire? Isn't Beavers bad enough? And if it's her married name, why in the world didn't she keep her maiden name?!? She's gotta be a porn star or a stripper. Maybe I should change my name to something funny like that. Like Needsa Shanking, or Amanda Screw. Any suggestions?

Speaking of men. . .uh, what? Anyhoo. My Interpersonal communications teacher seems like a real ass. And he's not young OR cute. I mean, I could handle him being older if he were cute. Like say, the type who's soft spoken and wears sweater vests or maybe tweed jackets and has little round glasses. . .um. . .I think I've been watching too much Buffy lately. What? I can't help it that I think Giles is hot. Is that sick and wrong? And Miss calendar is totally wrong for him and is bitchy to him and it pisses me off. Um. . .yeah. But in other news, I have subconscious conflict. I am sick of Jared. Seriously. I want nuthin to do with him. But whenever I fantasize (which I spend an alarming amount of time and brain power doing), no matter who I start out fantasizing about, it always turns into Jared. Damn you subconscious desire! Maybe it's cause he's the only guy I've seriously made out with in the past 8 years. I mean, I made out with William, but that was just the one time, and I've made out with Jared extensively and numerously. We'll go with that theory I think. Hopefully that will be rectified soon. *eye brow waggle* I mean, I do have my second date with Lawrence on Friday. Hopefully he'll at least try to kiss me, and then I'll have something to work with for operation Eradicate Jared Desire. Let's synchronize our watches and commence operations. Ready team? We have a go!

My little monkey

So, I have seen little Isabelle and she is completely beautiful, she doesn't look like a sqooshed blind mole rat like most new born babies. So, I have decided to commemorate this happy occasion by talking about. . .me. Or more specifically, about my baby. So this post is officially called:

Ten Reasons I love my Ethan

10) He is the most beautiful boy ever. Seriously. He has beautiful blue eyes and fair clear skin. His hair is slightly wavy and brown, and getting darker all the time. Someday he is going to be a real heartbreaker, I feel sure. I'm especially fond of his pointy little chin and his broad shoulders. He's adorable, and I make sure he knows it, too. I tell him so much that one day he asked if I would still love him as much if he weren't cute, and I said, no way, I could never love an ugly baby, I woulda had to send him back if he wasn't cute. See also: reasons I am a bad mother. But really. Look at that face. This is the most recent picture I have of him, so that's pretty much what he looks like right now.

9) He knows more about natural science than most adults. I'm not even joking. When he was very young, his favorite show was Magic School Bus, and it just went from there. There was a while where he absolutely wouldn't miss Nova. I think he's checked out every school library book about bugs, spiders, geology, weather, animal, plants, or any other natural science, not to mention the book case full of children's reference and science books in his room. He just eats the stuff up. When the tsunami hit Asia, he was there with an in depth explanation about tsunamis and how they work. He constructs little quizzes while we're driving, such as, 'Mom, true or false, the blue whale is blah blah blah.' Then I have to do some quick thinking and try to figure out the right answer so that he won't figure out that he knows more than me. I also have to struggle to repress my first response of, "How the hell should I know?"

8) He has opinions. And he's not afraid to express them, although he sometimes tries to do it tacfully. Which is impressive for someone who has me as a role model. When I was a kid, I was always doing and saying what I thought people wanted me to do and say, so I'm extremely happy that I seem to have not passed that on to my muffin. When he was in kindergarten, he saw a guy on Fear Factor with a mohawk and decided that he wanted a mohawk. Yes, I let my five year old watch Fear Factor. I didn't let him watch Barney growing up, though. I have priorities. But anyway, I put him off, thinking he would grow out of it, but 6 months later, he still wanted one, so, I got out the clippers and buzzed one for him. I think it's adorable, FYI. This is his first grade school photo. I picked out the shirt, but he agreed to it because it has a spider on the front. After about 7 months, he decided he was tired of having a mohawk because he didn't like the constant trims and the constant attention of strangers staring at him and telling him how awesome his hair is. Now he's all about easy upkeep. About an inch on top and shorter on the sides and back. No fuss, no muss. I keep trying to get him to grow it out and have a rock star hair do, but he wants nuthin to do with it.

7) He studied humor like he was working on a cure for cancer. He used to not get jokes. AT ALL. When we told jokes he would look at us with this serious look on his face and ask us to explain it. In depth. Then he started checking joke books out of the library, and he would go through and tell people a joke, and then analyze it with them. What does the joke mean? Why is this joke funny or not funny? Has it got layers? Can you tell it over and over or just once? Is it similar to this other joke? Then when he finished that, he started making up jokes and analyzing them the same way. He seems to have finally mastered humor. He can do sarcastic, sardonic, slapstick, straight out jokes, and even play on words. But the best thing is, he does sarcastic air quotes. And I swear on my mother's grave, there is nothing in heaven or on earth that is funnier that a child who understands and can properly apply the use of sarcastic air quotes.

6) He has sophisticated tastes. Of course he eats the normal kid things, like chicken nuggets, spaghetti, sloppy joes, chilly mac, but he also LOVES things you would never suspect. Like black olives. Can't get enough. Crab legs. Steak, rare and bloody. Chef Salad. Sardines. Lobster. Actually, there's a funny story there. One time when he was quite young, I'd say about three, we went to Red Lobster. The hostess asked him if he'd like to pet a lobster and of course he said yes. She fished one out and he petted it and watched it's antenna wave around and then he declared, "I want this lobster." She explained to him that a lobster isn't a good pet and he cut her short and said, "No, I want to EAT this lobster." So no problems with the circle of life then. That's my boy. Still can't get him to touch avocados with a ten foot pole. Crazy.

5) He wears what he wants. He wears short, sandals, and a t-shirt most of the year, even when it's cold. I tell him to carry a jacket, but he almost never puts one on. I'm fine with that, because I have seen him voluntarily put on warmer clothes when he gets cold enough, so I know he's not gonna let himself freeze to death. It seriously wigs my parents out though. When he was younger, he would wear the spider costume I made for Halloween around the house all the time, he even slept in it. Then the next year it was the bat costume I made. He even wore that one out places; it wasn't so problematic with all the arms and all. When we go to buy clothes, he won't be swayed from what he likes, even though I try to tell him the clothes he wants are dorky, and the ones I like are way cooler. I've even been known to say, "This is cool. You want to be cool don't you? Do you even WANT friends?" Again, see: reasons I am a bad mother. Cross reference with: reasons my child with be a dangerous sociopath someday.

4) He tries not to wake me up. Apparently, according to reports, I am not pleasant when I am awoken. I don't get it, I try to be as pleasant as possible considering the circumstances, but I guess the idea doesn't get portrayed very well. Ethan has suffered from nightmares (when he was younger) and insomnia all his life (it runs in his dad's family), and so as a result has spent many hours awake at night. I always tried to be understanding and kind when he woke me up, but one night I was especially tired and had to work very early the next day, and after about the fifth time he woke me up because he couldn't sleep, I didn't contain myself very well, I'm afraid. It wasn't pretty, with the yelling and all. Every since then, he goes to great lengths to avoid waking me. Don't get me wrong, he will wake me up if he really needs me, but he seriously weighs that need before taking action. He will go wake up my dad or my brother instead if he can't sleep. And I think that's a sign of true love. Or true fear. Whatever.

3) He is sensitive. I know from the booklets that extreme sensitivity is a common thing with kids that have ADHD, but I still like it. He really picks up on people's emotions. When he was a toddler, before he could talk, the scene in Toy Story where Buzz realizes that he's actually a toy made Ethan cry. When my eye brows furrow, Ethan flattens them out for me so I won't be upset anymore. He really tries to make the people around him happy. And when he was younger, say around 5, he decided that when he grew up, he would marry a girl that works in a pet store. His reason? "A girl that works in a pet store would be kind." All together now. . .awwww!

2) He laughs in the face of danger. I have the evil eye. My glare has sent flocks of servers and managers scurrying to do my bidding. It has cowtowed counter help, previously resolute to uphold store policy on returns. It has caused friends to blather apologies and family to cry. Yet, when turned on Ethan, his response is to lay his hands on either side of my face and say, "Oh my little mommy. You're so cute!" Who can stand up to that sort of treatment?

1) He loves me completely. Don't ask me why. Despite all evidence that I am a horrible mother and quite a boring person, he still loves me. He's living with his dad and stepmom right now, and his life is much better and much more stable there, but he still misses me and wants to come home. What a freak. :)

I'm an auntie!

YAY! Kiera and Patrick had their baby girl this morning at 9:38. She is probably going to be named Isabelle Rose (I'm not sure if they're spelling it Isabelle or Isabel. I think the first way.) and she was 19 inches long and weighed 8 lbs 1.3 oz, which I thought was surprisingly big for two such small people. I plan on calling her Belle. According to reports, she has brown hair. :) I will go see the happy family this afternoon and confirm or deny these rumors.

Also, I don't have time right now, but I plan to do a commemorative post tonight, so be sure and check back! Good times.

Uh. . .I meant I will do a commemorative post tomorrow or the next day. :/ Damn social obligation that keeps me away from the front of the computer where I belong!

My next date

Lawrence called me this morning to tell me he was busy this weekend, but would like to take me out next Friday. Tee hee. A full week's notice. Me like-ee. He said he was thinking of a movie, but we could go to dinner or dancing or something. Here was my clever response, "Whatever, I like everything." How could a man avoid falling for me with such scintillating and witty dialogue?

PS-be sure and read my comments on the last post. Interesting Jared stuff happening. Well, interesting to me anyway. :)

Stuff that has been happening-ingenius title, no?

I had my first American Government class tonight, with Professor Wyman. He seemed quite pleased to see me, and kept referencing me and the other two people that took the same Texas Government class as me all night (like, "As Margie and Jared and Nikki can tell you. . ." or, "If you ask these three, they'll tell you that. . ." or, "Margie/ Jared/ Nikki knows this because. . ."), until he finally said, "I really should stop referencing those three constantly and repeatedly." He asked if anyone in the class took that slot because he was teaching it, and all three of us raised our hands, so I imagine that pleased him. There was a guy in my class last semester who sat right behind me and we would talk sometimes, not in a flirty way (he has a girlfriend. And he's short.) just in a friendly way, and he's in this class, too. I didn't see him when I came in and I sat all the way across the room from him, but during the extremely long (30 minute) break, he came over and chatted with me for most of it, so that was cool. His name is. . .Jared. This is how I introduced myself to him last semester: "Dude, I was dating a guy named Jared, we just broke up as a matter of fact, and everytime Professor Wyman says your name it freaks me out! I'm all like, AH! Where?!?" We had a good laugh over that.

Props have to go out to my brother Joe, who said the two funniest things I've heard all week.
Quote 1: concerning Lawrence-

Joe: How old is Lawrence, anyway?
Me: 40
Joe: Oh. *thoughtful pause* I'm sorry.

Quote 2: concerning the Law and Order franchise-

Joe: I don't get it. I mean, they're not funny. It's like they're not even trying.

You know, those were really really funny in person, but they don't seem that funny in type. Maybe it's the delivery.


Well I finally have a little closure at least. Jared IM'd me last night after a week of not speaking to me at all. Apparently, he's been having lots of money problems and has been totally stressing and hasn't checked his email at all. My response was, "Well, I've been upset because you disappeared and didn't talk to me for a week straight, so I guess we all have problems." He kept apologizing over and over, which is only appropriate. Finally I asked, "Are you saying you're sorry because you are, or because you know you should?" I'm telling you. I can be mean when I feel like it. His response was, "I should, but also I am. It wasn't fair of me to leave you in the dark like that and I really am sorry." Ok, so he says the right things at least. He seemed so pathetic I finally relented and told him I forgive him. (Anybody who knows me however know that I may forgive, but that doesn't mean I forget.) He thanked me, which I thought was weird, but that's ok. After a while I asked where we are, whether we're still going to date, or if we're friends or what. He said, "We've always been friends, but I guess I can't really think about dating anyone right now, my life's too hectic. I'm sorry that it seems like you got the short end of the stick." He apologized a few more times after that. "Sorry" was running rampant. To be honest I'm really fine with just being friends with him, at least I won't constantly be worried he's gonna dump me for not putting out. :) By the end of the night we were back to calling each other names like stinky and dork butt, just like old times. Ah, good stuff. But don't think I don't see where this is going. Jared and I will be friends, and Lawrence and I will date slowly, and Jared will realize what a great catch I am and profess his love to me right when Lawrence decides he want to really get serious, and I'll end up having to choose between the nice and reliable guy and the really hot, fun guy that makes my heart go pitter pat. Of course, who knows, maybe by then Lawrence will be able to make my heart go pitter pat and my hard choice will be compounded. My main concern is Lawrence's age. I mean, I worry that a man in his 40's won't be able to meet my, um. . .needs. If you know what I'm saying. I'll have a better idea after we make out. You can usually tell how much sexual energy a guy has from a good solid make out session. Man, I wish we had transporters. Then at least I could wish for a transporter accident to combine them into one person, who would be called Jarence, and, after he got over his commitment issues, would be my perfect man. *sigh* This isn't the first time I've wished my life was more like Star Trek, and I guarantee it won't be the last.

Related to my last post-my destructive powers are super villianesque

You know, I said that I have worked for three companies that have gone under, and potentially a forth. But that really doesn't fully encompass my destructive abilities. I've been thinking about this. My dour mood has been contributing to this line of thought. Let's take each item that I've destroyed in turn.

1)Relationships: I have never had a romantic relationship that has lasted longer that 2 years. Most friendships don't make it that long either.

2)Cars: Every car I've ever driven has irreparably broken down. Seriously. Like, haul it to the junk yard, it's done kinda broken down. If it's a stick, I just have to drive it a few times before the clutch goes out.

3)Jobs: Let's see here. 1st job-Sacker at Jewel Osco. Bought out. 2nd job-Cook at school cafeteria/ school short order cook/ catering/art department secretary/apartment manager. Closed down. 3rd job-cook at Red Lobster. Ok, that's still there, but I did only work there for less than a month. 4th job-Counter person at Vogue Dry Cleaners. Bankrupt. 5th job-cook at a little catering place. Closed down. 6th job-FEMA. Still there, but it's the government. They are bigger and can compensate for my powers. 7th job-Montgomery Ward. Yes. I destroyed the historic department store. It was one of the first, too. So sad. 8th job-JC Penny. Still up and running, but last I heard, they're on shaky ground. Don't bank on them lasting too long. 9th job-checker at Albertson's. Seems like they're ok, but I also only worked there for a month. 10th job-Lifetouch School Portraits. Alright. One that seems like it's on safe ground. Maybe I bottled up too much of my hate while I was there. I should have let it leak out and contaminate the place more. 11th job-American Dental Arts. Well. You already know about that. And of course, never discount my future, where I will be destroying the comic book industry.

4)School: Yes, that's right. I have brought down an entire institution of higher learning. I went to school at Phillips University from 1992-1994 and they shut their doors forever and declared bankruptcy in 1998. I feel great guilt over this one. I have many fond memories of my time there, and if I had only known that I was destroying it from the inside, I would have at least stayed long enough to graduate. I used to dream that I would go back there to get my degree someday (back before I found out about it's demise) because I really do consider it my Alma Mater, but alas, it will never be.

5)My child: Ok, so he's not "destroyed" per se, but my genetic stock gave him depression and ADHD. My bad parenting will probably screw him up for life on top of that, so lets just call it like it is. But he sure is a cute little guy.

Yeah. So that's all I can think of right now, but I'm sure that there would be more if I really put my thinking cap on. For all you that hate Mormons, just wait, maybe I can bring down the entire church. Nah, they're even bigger than the government.

Sneezy, Dopey, Grumpy, Sleepy, and Lazy

I am so very blah lately. You see, I needed to get my allergy shot in December, but I haven't had the cash, so I've had to go without. So, I'm groggy must of the time, my nose keeps running and my eyes alternate between slightly itchy and down-right blurry and useless. I will make an appointment for Friday, hopefully, and then all will be right with the world.

I very nearly lost my job last week. Things were really, really slow, and then at the last minute we got in 20 more cases. Rene said it was a good thing because he was thinking about laying me off and declaring bankruptcy. Yikes! He told me that somebody called to survey him last week and they said that the dental laboratory industry is dying. Great. It's because they have this machine that can make teeth now, and so a dentist can get the machine and have it right there in his or her office and bada-boom bada-bing, there's a tooth right when they need it. The old dentists are still using labs, but the new ones, well, they're heeding the march of technology. Apparently, dental lab business industry wide dropped like 8% last year. So, there you have it. If (or should I say when) the lab goes under, it will be the fourth company I have worked for that went out of business. I guess I have the death touch for companies. Rene says I need to start drawing everyday so that I get my art skills up to speed so that when it all falls apart I'm ready to spring into the comic book industry. Maybe I can single handedly destroy that, too!

My allergies are making me feel melancholy and lonely. Not to mention lazy. *sigh* Yep. Need that shot. Well, I guess it's time to go back to work. Grr. Classes start Wednesday. Hopefully I'll have fodder for better posts after that.

My date with Lawrence

Well, tonight I went on my date with Lawrence, and it was pretty good. We met at 7 and went for bar-b-que, which was also pretty good. To start the evening off right, I was setting my tray down and spilled my lemonade all over the damn place. So that was great. After that we went for ice cream at Marble Slab, which is always good. He insisted on opening all doors for me. When we first met, I just opened the door and got in, and he came around and made me get out so that he could shut the door, re-open it and shut it after I was in. Seriously. When we got to the resturaunt, I started to open the door to get out of the car and he was like, "AH-NO!" So I closed it and he came around and opened it. He said that his mother is a Southern Belle and ground into him that you always open the door and hold the door for a lady. Weird. He said it's different when people are married and have 2.5 kids to wrangle, but on dates, he always gets the door. It's different, but it's ok. We parted ways at midnight, so that was 5 solid hours of talking. Man, that's a lot. So here's the skinny: He's 40, 5'10, has a receding hairline, has glasses, and is a software engineer. For fun he likes to go to renaissance festivals, learn new programming languages, and paint figurines (the sort used in role playing games). Damn. I guess nerds are alive and well. Oh well, apparently I have more fun with my own kind. :) At least I wasn't worried that I'm out of my league. So, he said that if things go well and we end up dating for a while, he wants to take me to Scarborough Faire in the spring. (That's my paraphrasing, not how he said it.) At the end of the night we hugged, and he put his hands on my waist briefly when he said goodnight. I thought that was kinda hot, for any guys out there that are wanting pointers. All in all, it was a good date. I'm glad I made him take me out. I told him to not hesitate to call me, and he said he would, but it wouldn't be every day or anything. He said he'd probably start out going on dates a little more than once a month. That's slow all right, but that's ok. Oh yeah, and he hates people that live in a Mormon bubble (just like I do), he cusses and thinks that cuss words are just words and people shouldn't be so uptight about it (just like I do), and watches R-rated movies (again-just like I do). These are all things that I usually don't have in common with other Mormons, so that is REALLY good. Those are some deal breakers as far as I'm concerned.

So, I go from a guy that's 9 years younger than me, super hot, wants to be a rock star, way too cool for me, not very reliable, and kinda a jerk, to a guy that's 9 years older than me, really nice, kinda dorky, really reliable, and super considerate. It's weird how I always seem to date polar opposites.

New news is good news

Well, boysenberries, I did it. I called Lawrence and said, "I think you should take me out tomorrow." He was like, "Uh, ok, I'm actually free tomorrow, so I can do that." He wondered why tomorrow, so I just told him straight out, 'The guy I've been dating's been pissing me off, and I wanted to go out with someone else, and you asked me out way back in December and I decided that if I was going to wait for you to ask me out for a specific time I'd be waiting forever." He replied, "No, not forever. . .it wouldn't have been this weekend, but it wouldn't have been forever! So, did you already plan what I'm taking you out to do?" He said that jokingly, it wasn't as pointed as it seems in type. Long story short (very long-he's a "nice" guy. He has to make sure everything's ok and no one's unhappy. They'll be no him taking charge in a manly way on his watch.) he's taking me for bar-b-que at a place that he loves but I've never heard of. Doc's or something. So, that's good then. Well then. We'll see how that turns out. But he was very specific to clarify that this isn't really a date, it's more of a dry run. I think he hasn't dated since he got divorced from his wife seven months ago. They were married for ten years. Of course, I didn't date for nearly that long, so maybe we're close to being on even footing. :)

The good, the good, and the stupid

Well, my weight is officially 175 now. I know I said that before, but I don't really count it unless it stays there for at least 3 days. Yay! I have lost 85 pounds. That's like losing a whole Calista Flockhart. I'm so close, I can't believe it. I don't even really WANT to go off my diet anymore I'm so excited. The other day my mom and I went to the mall because there was a bra sale at Lane Bryant (I got two bras and two pairs of jeans. Size 14 people! Of course they're stretchy, I can't fit into all size 14's just yet, but still!), and when we went through the food court, the cookies and pretzels didn't even tempt me in the least. I am now one step closer to being completely inhuman. Keep the dream alive people!

I have now registered for classes, which start for me next Wednesday. I know that the people who live here have heard about all this, so they can skip this paragraph if they desire. I signed up for interpersonal communications, which counts for my speech credit, and American Government, which will be my last government class thank the gods. I think interpersonal communications sounds really interesting. Here is the course description: "Introduces communication concepts and provides speech interaction in one-on-one and small group situations. Provides experiential settings for a variety of environments, for the reduction of communication barriers, for conflict resolution, and for leadership and decision-making. Emphasizes interpersonal perception and listening skills related to self-concept." Finally, maybe I can learn how to talk to people instead of just mind-controlling them. That's gonna be a load off. Also, when I signed up for government, I was really hoping to get the same professor I had for Texas government, because I like him; he's funny and not boring. But when I registered, he wasn't listed so I just took whoever was listed. Then, when I went back to pay, up pops my class list and the teacher had changed to Wyman, the one I was hoping to get! Good things do happen to morally ambiguous people! So I'm excited about that. I hope my other teacher's not a git. It would be really nice if it's a good looking guy. Keep your fingers crossed!

And now, the moment you've all been waiting for! The Jared section of this post. Come on, you knew it was coming. Jared blew me off all weekend, and then he sent me texts to let me know he wasn't ignoring me on Sunday and then on Monday was all nicey nice with the good reasons for not seeing me. But he still ended up blowing me off Monday night too. Then Tuesday morning with the text telling me his ex showed up unannounced and again with the nicey nice. Then yesterday he said he needed to work on his resume, but he PROMISED we would get together after. And then he wasn't online and didn't return any off my texts. This morning he hasn't bothered with the nicey nice so far. So, yeah. You don't have to hit me on the head with a brick. I think it's pretty obvious that he's succumbed yet again to his ex. I could be wrong, but I wouldn't bet on it. Whatever. I would like to say I'm mad, but I really expected it. I know that all of you are saying, "Oh good, she'll be done with him now! Finally!" And if any of you were in my position I would say the same, but I know that I'm not. I know that he'll come back, and I know that I'll take him back. Why am I such a fucking sucker when it comes to men? I can be bitter and cruel to people, flinging shards of ice at their flaws with precision and accuracy, yet let me develop feelings for a guy and I'll forgive him a million times over. There is definitely something wrong with that. Of course I prayed about everything, as usual, and I got the feeling that I might end up with Jared, but he's just not ready yet. I wonder if God's as sick of me as I'm sure you all are. I know I'm pretty damn sick of me, but God supposedly has infinite patience, so hopefully I haven't worn through THAT just yet. One things for sho'. I'm calling Lawrence later. If Jared does call me tomorrow, I want to be on a date. And if he doesn't call tomorrow, I don't want to be sitting at home obsessing. Cause I feel all settled and calm about the situation right now, but I know THAT will change. Man, am I annoying. Seriously.

Stolen blog entry idea

Well, I've been up to my old tricks again. Yes, you guessed it, I'm stealing from other people's blogs. Sad but true. Well, if I see something I like, I just take it! I can stop anytime! But in my defense, the person I stole it from stole it from someone, who stole it from someone else, and so on. It's the circle of life, my friends. Before I start on my ill gotten gains, I'll tell you that although I really feel pretty good, I'm still sick. Fever of 100 and all. I fell asleep watching Futurama last night at 8:30 and then Ethan called me at 9, I got a wrong number at 9:30, and Dave called me at 10. It's ok Dave! You didn't know! I still love you darlin'. But then I got back to sleep and slept all night like a baby. When I woke up at 10, I was very excited, just KNOWING that I had a 24 hour bug and would now be fine, but was stymied by the evil thermometer. (And a little by my evil intestines.) And I was so looking forward to going to the Single Adult potluck tonight and seeing Lawrence. *sigh* At least basically not eating for two days makes me feel nice and skinny! Well, here's the booty of my blog looting, enjoy:

[A is for age:]
31. Don't cry for me, 30 is the new 20 I hear.

[B is for booze of choice]
I don't drink anymore (for the most part), but I love spiced rum.

[C is for career]
I guess my career is officially Dental Technician. I don't know that I'll be making teeth for the rest of my life, but I might, so there you go.

[D is for your dog's name:]
Gack. I freakin' hate dogs. I will never have a dog if left to my own devices. If I marry a man who just has to have a dog, he damn well better be really hot and damn good in the sack. (The man, not the dog)

[E is for essential items you use everyday:]
Computer, Car, Clothing, Food (except when I'm ill or depressed), Toothpaste and Toothbrush (except when I'm ill or depressed. lol), Water, Mascara, Blemish concealer, Apathy, Hate for mankind (just kidding), Anger, Crippling Sharp Sense of humor, My Brain, Yahoo Messenger

[F is for favorite song(s) at the moment:]
Mr. Brightside by the Killers

[G is for favorite games:]
Uh. . .since I no longer manipulate people, I'll have to go with KOTOR

[H is for hometown:]
Denton, TX, home of me and Bowling For Soup! WooHoo!

[I is for instruments you play:]
Uh. . .huh huh, huh huh. Does the man flute count? I guess I'll have to go with a no instruments on this one.

[J is for jam or jelly you like:]
Strawberry 100% Fruit. I don't like jams and jellies that are too sweet

[K is for kids?]
Just the one, thank heavens

[L is for last kiss?:]
Wednesday night, and dear sweet lord, I hope it wasn't the last one!

[M is for most admired trait:]
My ability to kill a man with no trace of guilt? The ability to crush souls and damage minds to the point of incontinence? I guess I'll go with my ability to be straightforward and honest. Feel free to correct me if you think I have a better trait. :)

[N is for name of your crush:]
OK-a lifetime of learning to hide my feelings and trust no one has impacted me to the point that I actually no longer have the ability to give a straight answer to this question. Seriously, I'm not joking. But I think anyone who has read approximately 1 1/2-2 posts on my blog knows exactly who I have a crush on.

[O is for overnight hospital stays:]
When I was 6, I had surgery to remove a blockage for my urethra. And of course there was the three day stay after I had Ethan.

[P is for phobias:]
Dying alone, unloved, and forgotten. Ending up like my mother. Senility. Maggots. THEY EAT HUMAN FLESH PEOPLE!! THEY ARE DISGUSTING!

[Q is for quotes you like:]
When in panic, or in doubt:
Run in circles, scream and shout.

[R is for biggest regret:]
Throwing my life away by becoming an alcoholic and dropping out of school.

[S is for sweets of your choice:]
Oh Hell. Chocolate Cake, Chocolate candy, Chocolate Fondue, Chocolate Ice Cream, Chocolate Truffles. . .are we spotting a pattern?

[T is for time you wake up:]
7:30 if I have to go to work. As late as I possibly can otherwise.

[U is for underwear:]
Magic Mormon underwear of course.

[V is for vegetables you love:]
I'm a big fan of veggies. I guess I'll have to say broccoli? I really like corn and also green beans.

[W is for worst habit:]
I have to pick just one?!? I procrastinate. I'm always late. I'm lazy and slobby. I'm mean. I'm uncharitable and selfish. I'm picky. I take offense easily. Dude, why does anyone spend time with me? I think I'm going to go drink bleach now.

[X is for x-rays you've had:]
Let's see here: one on my wrist why they thought I had Corpal Tunnel Syndrome, one on my ankle when the girl put her stiletto through it. Can't think of any others.

[Y is for yummy food you make:]
I specialize in cakes and desserts, but I like to think that I can make most things pretty yummy. People have reacted well to my meats, lasagna, and sushi. *shrugs* Usually when I make it, it doesn't taste all that great to me, so it's hard for me to say for sure.

[Z is for zodiac sign:]
I am a cancer on society! July 10th, I am as Cancer as cancer can get, which usually means crazy person. Cancers are protective, sensitive, and clingy, all of which is true for me. It's also a water sign, which means that Josh is right when he compares me to a tsunami. There's the peaceful time when it looks like everything's gonna be all right, and then BAM you're flattened beneath my emotional onslaught! :)

Update: Boys, Girls, and Fast times at Margie's intestines

Hmmm. Lots to say today. Thursday night I went dancing and William blew my off quite obviously. I really couldn't care less about him, it just hurt my ego mostly. Last night I sent Jared a text asking wut up, and he replied "nuttin :P" I sent one back saying, "Oh. How interesting, " and he didn't reply. I sent another saying, "Why you no reply, you no like me no mo?" He didn't reply to that one either. Now I haven't talked to him at all, but I'm guessing he was on a date. I remember on our first date he kept getting text messages and he told me they were from the girl he had been dating, and how annoying she was and wouldn't leave him alone. I could just picture him saying those things about me last night. *shrug* I could be completely wrong, but I doubt it. Of course, we don't have a commitment, so we're both aloud to date other people, but it's possible that I've been dumped by two guys in one week. That don't help the self esteem none, I'll tell you. But I'm surprisingly cool about it. I dunno. After the William experience I was really shaken up, but I came to terms with the fact that I need to be patient and wait to see what happens as far as relationships are concerned, so I'm being level headed about it. The big problem is that I am SO ready to be married, and not just for the sex like in the past, but for the whole package (no pun intended). But obviously it's not time yet. Fortunately, I got to spend all evening with Kiera watching chick flicks, so I didn't have to sit at home obsessing. Yay! Thanks Kiera!
Jason got in contact with me again. He hasn't really talked to me since we met back on November 31st, and I told him I thought that he thought I was boring, and he said, no, he felt like he was an ass that night. Plus, he felt like he was spending too much time in front of the computer and needed to get out more. *shrug* I dunno. He was trying to get me to come over last night, but it was almost one in the morning and I had to decline. He's not as cute as I would usually like, and I really didn't feel like there was a spark, but I enjoy talking to him, and I wouldn't mind dating him a little to keep objective about you-know-who. He knows all about Jared (and William), too (as well as the fact that I don't put out), so if he still wants to get involved with me, hey, man, not my fault. Right? That's ok, right? Say it's all right. . .please?
A girl that I met on myspace who lives in Alaska and is also a Mormon single parent IM'd me last night. She had been complaining in the past about how there are no single Mormon guys up there, so she feels like she doesn't even have a choice and will never get married. Well, her boyfriend who's in the Navy, told her that he's been meeting with the missionaries and he's decided to get baptized. He also asked her to marry him and gave her quite a shiny rock for her finger. (She sent me a picture. Pretty.) Dammit. Even chicks in a barren wasteland can find a good guy. I'm happy for her, but it made me feel defective.
This morning I was awakened by strange rumblings from my stomach at exactly 7:41, and soon there after every bit of nutrition or liquid I have taken in recently decided to take a hasty departure through the exit in as expeditious and liquidy way as possible. That's been going on every since. I also have a fever of 101.7 degrees. At least I'm not throwing up, though. So that's fun. Needless to say, I'm taking a pass from tae kwon do today. Wouldn't want to spoil my nice white uniform. :) But on the up side, my weight is down to 175! That's what I weighed in high school when I saw a picture of myself and decided I was a gargantuan mammoth and didn't eat for three days straight. I wonder if my choir dress would fit me again. hmm. It's so weird, though, cause I STILL don't feel all that different. I mean, I know I'm smaller, and when I put on old clothes they fall off me, but when I look in the mirror, I don't feel like I look that different. Which obviously isn't true. Maybe it's cause I lost it so gradually. Or maybe I have a body perception disorder. :) Ten more pounds and I will be to the absolute highest peak of my ideal weight range, or as Joey put it so succinctly, "Oh, so if you lose ten more pounds, you'll be the fattest you should ever be." Yep. That's a brother all right. I'm aiming for around 145, though, so that's still 30 more pounds. I can't believe I'm so close! I want to be there NOW dammit! Yesterday outside of Kiera's house, two guys in a truck were checking me out hard core, which I used to hate when I was young and skinny. Now that I'm old, I love it! Bring on the stares, gentlemen, just keep the crass comments and hands to yourself. I choose who gets to do that stuff. :)

The force is weak with this one

I had an interesting experience today. I was in a really good mood; work is pretty easy and relaxed today, last night I had my third date with Jared in a seven day period and that all seems to be going really well, the weather is nice, I'm back down to my pre-Christmas weight, I might go dancing tonight, and all is right with the world (as far as I'm concerned.) And then I came home for lunch, and my mom started talking. And talking. And talking. And I slowly felt my life force ebb away. Suddenly the bounce is gone from my step and I feel like sitting and sedately staring at some nice wallpaper for a while. I really got to get out of this place. Someday, my friends. Someday. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

a tale of two hot guys

Tonight I had an interesting experience. Jared and I went to the mall to see a movie, but it didn't start for 45 minutes, so we went walking around the mall. We had explored three branches of said mall and then turned down the forth and final branch, walking close together and arm in arm. A few steps down I spot with my eagle eye the T-Mobile kiosk, and standing there is John (William), as that is where he works 1-10 (he very helpfully informed me while we were making out that time.) His back was to me thank heavens, and I handled things with grace and panache. I gasped audibly, released a short violent, "FUCK," and spun Jared around so we were walking back the other direction. Of course he wanted to know what happened, so I told him that "my other 22 year old was working down there. He asked if he saw us, and I said, "No, his back was to us." He said, "And if he did see us that would be. . .bad?" I replied, "Yes, because you know about him but he doesn't know about you." He wanted to know why, and I told him the truth, that I hadn't seem him since before Jared asked me out. Completely true. Pay no never mind to the fact that I've practically had no conversation with the guy at all. (There's no need for Jared to know that part.) Jared seemed a bit stiff for a while after that, so I said, "Of course if you want to see how hot he is, we could go back." He told me he didn't care about guys' hotness, and I, of course, implied that he's gay and actually does care how hot guys are and he's protesting to cover up how gay he is. I know, I am the QUEEN of relationship conversation! He still seemed stand-offish for a while and I did my best to be extremely ego stroking and flirtatious, and all the while I was half way jumping out of my skin everytime someone walked up behind me because I just KNEW that John would get off work and decide to come see The 40-Year Old Virgin and would sit right behind me and say something, or, even worse, not recognize me and NOT say anything. (Like, especially if he comes so close to me that I HAVE to say hi, and then he's like, uh. . .oh yeah, you're, uh. . .Angie, right?" THAT would be really embarrassing.) But he didn't and Jared warmed up again and all's well that ends well. Man. I'm getting too old for this sneaking around crap. :)

You have now entered. . .a very well thought out Twilight Zone

You know how there is a common apocalyptic theme of something happening and every person on Earth dies leaving just a single man and woman, and they must repopulate the species? I mean, of course there's variations on this theme; stranded on an island together, lost on another planet together, etc. Ok, is it just me, or does that seem like really poor planning? I think that if I were the last woman on earth, I would say, "listen baby, I like you a lot, and I'll be glad to get my jollies with you, (cause let's face it. If you are the last couple on earth, you're married and aloud to have sex. And you will, no matter how unattractive you find them at first. A few months or years or decades, that person will eventually start looking pretty damn good to ya.) but the human race dies here, darlin'."
There are several good reasons behind this decision. The first, and most important being that two people simply do not have a good enough genetic spread to create a race. There would be freaky mutants and horrible miscarriages all over the place. And no one wants that. Especially me, the potential Eve of this band of freaks. See, that's from the scientific angle, now for the ew gross angle. All my children would be brothers and sisters. And no matter how much I try to conceive of a society where it's ok for siblings to get on the dirty mattress dance, I just can't. Yes, maybe I'm conditioned by my puritanical society, but it's me that's making this decision, so there you go. Lastly, living here in a neighborhood with very few children around, I have worried extensively about my son's socialization. And to be honest, he ain't exactly the best socialized kid in the world. So what would happen if he were the ONLY kid in the world. I'll tell you what would happen. Cain and Able. Yeah, that's right. I mean, Cain was the only child in the world, the apple (no pun intended) of his parents eye for several years. Then along comes Able, his first competition, EVER. I mean can you blame the guy for getting really killer sibling rivalry? It's just really not an emotionally healthy situation.

So, yeah. If I were the last woman on earth, it would be prime time for the dolphins to make their big evolutionary move. Just like mammals did when the dinosaurs kicked off. It's all about evolution, it's natural and part of life. Don't cry for the human race if that happens, it's just one of those things. And chances are, unless you're the one guy who'll be stuck with me, you'll be dead, so you won't cry anyway. Of course, knowing my luck, I'll be in a bank vault with my brother when the meteor fries everyone else into little piles of dust and I STILL won't be able to get laid. Yep, that's just how my luck seems to go.