Most. Inane. Post. Ever.

My public has demanded tales of the Single Adult Thanksgiving Dinner, and if taking Texas Government has taught me one thing, it's that you have to keep your public happy, so here it is. As many people know, at my ward at church, I have been placed in the calling of Single Adult Representative, which means I can no longer ignore the activities for this group. So yesterday we had a Thanksgiving Dinner, which I was obligated to participate in, to my dismay. You see, everyone who goes to the Single Adult activities has grey hair, or salt and pepper hair at best. And I really don't feel like spending my free time socializing with the geriatric set, strangely enough. Oh well. So, I show up at 3 like a good girl to help set up, and quickly realize that I am the only person there willing to cut up the turkeys, so I set to like a trooper. I really didn't mind, because; a) I was working by myself and not having to make inane chit chat with people I don't have anything at all in common with except for the fact that we're all not married, and b) I was a professional cafeteria cook for two years, so I feel pretty well equipped to handle large quantities of meat. (he he. she said she could handle large quantities of meat.)

Actually, that reminds me of a funny side note. When I was in college working at the cafeteria, after I stopped going to church, I started working Sundays. On Sunday, we always served roast beef and some other type of meat which came in a large form that needed slicing prior to mastication. (he he-she said mastication) These roasts were freakin' huge, too. Like I could wrap my arms around them and barely touch hands on the other side huge. So, for some reason, despite the fact that I was very nearly a vegetarian at that point, I was placed in charge of the ice cream bar and slicing the meat. So I would take these huge slabs of cow, cut them into quarters, and slice them on a gigantic meat slicer. In the process, I would get covered in blood and gore. My nice white apron would be quite disturbing after that. And I would keep it on for one reason. Because on Sundays, when anyone came to make a complaint, they would say, "Margie, someone needs to talk to you!" I would screw my least sympathetic facial expression on (which anyone who knows me can probably tell you would melt flesh from bone) and I would grab the biggest knife in hands reach and head out to the front and say, "Yeah, what'd ya' need?" Usually, the problem mysteriously was suddenly not a big deal at all! It was hilarious. Good times.

Anyhoo. So turkeys. I was almost half way through the first one when Linda came in. Linda is not only above me in the chain of command, she is my son's grandmother, so, even though I know for a fact I can run circles around her in the kitchen (I mean seriously-who else puts tuna in jello?), I felt obligated to allow her to help with the turkeys when she offered. I was worried about it, but in the time it took her to do one, and this includes the time I took to show her the best way to carve a breast (he he-she said breast) I carved three turkeys. So that was alright, she didn't have much of a chance to screw anything up. :)

The activity itself was all right. My annoying friend Mike was there with his friend Breck, who I like quite a bit now that she's not crazy anymore. Lawrence, who's a guy I used to be friends with 10 years ago, and just got called to be Single Adult rep in his ward, was there, and so we all sat together. Unfortunately, my son's aunt Becky also sat with us. Nobody at the table could tell that I hold a loathing for her so intense that it's probably tainting my soul just to think about it. So that's good then. So I barely had to deal with the grey hairs. That was good. Before Mike and Breck left, they kept hinting that I should do something with them, but I had already spent about five hours with Mike that week, and that is quite enough, thank you very much.

I stayed till the end to help Linda get everything all cleaned up, but I got to catch the end of Little Women, which two of the ladies opted to watch after dinner. It was much more enjoyable than actually watching the entire movie. :)

Mom thinks Lawrence is going to ask me out. I'm not sure how I feel about that. He's not very cute, but I enjoy talking to him. But the beard would have to go. And he tells corny jokes all the damn time, and that gets REAL old, REAL fast. Seriously. I dunno. *shrugs*

Speaking of mom, I thought she was gonna wet her pants she was so excited today. You see, there's this guy named Dan, whom people tend to think is just my type. But the problem is, he's not my type at all. I can see how they would make that mistake though, because he resembles Ethan's dad. Both physically and personality-wise. And you know what? I got quite enough of Ethan's dad while we were dating. I really don't need a replacement model. Dan is moving into our ward, and mom met him today. She was all gushing about how cute and nice he is after church. I'm just like, uuuuhhhhhh, no. I never realized she was such the little matchmaker. Maybe her biological clock has resumed it's ticking and she's thinking I should provide a new grandchild. Fat chance!

Sorry this post is so boring. They can't all be winners, though. Maybe if you need it spiced up a little you can think about the act that could create that previously mentioned theoretical baby. You don't necessarily need me in your fantasy, I'm just trying to help you out. You know, like when you were in school and your teacher would give you a topic for a journal entry. This is just getting worse and worse. I'm going to bed. Maybe the next one will be better. :)