I've had several ideas on what to post about, and invariably, before I am able to get to the computer I forget. Possibly because it was so hot in my house yesterday that my brain actually melted and recoagulated after it cooled down.
You know I've been having crankiness problems. I have also been having serious serious doubts about my relationship with Lawrence. Mostly due to it seeming like he's not really dedicated. Mostly that stems from the fact that he hasn't proposed. I was so upset and filled with doubts that I was thinking about breaking up with him. and so I was talking to him about all this on Monday, and it struck me. I realized where all these problems were coming from. It's a lifelong problem I've had that stems back to the sixth grade. You see, in sixth grade, I had no friends. Then one day, a girl named Stephanie Stinson befriended me. I was so happy! She even came with her own lackey, a yes girl named Ginger. Stephanie was smart and fun and not at all weird or smelly. (Which is always a concern in elementary school.) She was my first friend since third grade and I thought life was finally looking up. Six weeks went by, and suddenly she turned on me. It turned out she had befriended me to get dirt on me which she then used against me to raise an even bigger wave of mocking than had ever transpired before. So, for some reason, it seems that I still have trust issues years later. You probably don't know it (well Josh does. And Joe. And maybe some others. But not everyone! OH NO! Not EVERYONE!), but when I make a friend, this friend has to pass a series of tests. I don't even do it on purpose, it just happens. And if they make it through the tests, there's a probationary period where I watch them very closely, and if it seems like they are wanting out of the friendship at all, I quickly come up with a bazillion reasons why I don't want to be friends with them and shuffle them out of my life. Everyone who I know face to face who I call friend has passed through this gambit, whether they were aware of it or not. (Especially you Kiera-I'm always much harder on girls. Job well done!) I really don't do it on purpose, I promise. But there it is. And Monday when I was talking to Lawrence, I realized that I was doing it. I was looking at things he was doing (like not proposing and not calling me as much-only once or twice a day now!) and saying, Oh! He stopped liking me, time to run for the hills before I get hurt! We discussed it and he assured me that he is not going anywhere. So now that I've identified my hidden psychological problems, I feel much better! No more doubt! No more flight response! Yay! No more crankiness! Yay! Except when I get so hot my brain melts. That still makes me cranky. But all in all, far less crankiness. Geez. Why does anyone put up with me? That's rhetorical, by the way.
6 comments:
Yay! I passed! Thats interesting...I usually fail these real friend/loyalty-type tests. It wasa stinking hot yesterday....and muggy too....stupid weather. I'm glad you didn't die! :)
hey i don't remember going through any of these tests. either i'm not really margie's friend, or the tests were to subtle for me. i'm going with the latter.
Kiera: You did have Josh pulling for you quite heavily. He swayed the judges.
Cainnum: These are not the droids you're looking for. Move along.
Aah yes, an inside man. It always helps to know someone who can influence the decision making process. ;)
I figured something like the "one year limit" was going on, but I didn't want to push you. Sometimes, I've found, when I try to point these things out before you've figured it out for yourself, you get melancholy. Plus, I could have been wrong, and ever since the great Galaxy Quest incident, I'm en garde. :)
Ah yes, the Great Galaxy Quest debacle of aught five. The day it was proven that I have a better memory and am smarter and better than Josh in every way. I remember it well.
But in this case, I guess you knew the truth. and the truth will set you free. Or sumtin.
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