day after day-forever more!

I've been thinking again. I know, I know, that always gets me in trouble, but I can't seem to help it. I was thinking about marriage. What a surprise, Margie, YOU, thinking about marriage! No, it's true! But seriously, folks, I want to get married for some obvious reasons. The most important one is sex. But I was thinking past that, and I realized, I can't imagine living with someone for the rest of my life. Every living arrangement I've ever had has been temporary. When I was a kid, I knew that I wouldn't live with my parents forever. (ha. the irony.) And of course, when I had roommates, I knew for DAMN sure that was temporary. Even Ethan, I knew from the start that he would grow up and leave. Of course, he ending up leaving sooner that a parent usually expects-you know, I was figuring about 18 years rather than 8, but it's all good. So today I was watching King of Queens and it suddenly struck me that if I married someone, I would have to live with that person everyday, for the rest of my life. And not just that-Mormons marry "for time and all eternity." Eternity is a really fucking long time, ya know? That's just really a lot for me to take in. I can't imagine wanting to live with someone that long. I mean, there's people I can see staying in contact with for that long, but sharing a bed, eating meals together, spending every evening together, etc. That seems weird to me. I really can't envision myself living that kind of lifestyle. I mean, I don't even want a tattoo cause it's too much commitment and it's not gonna tell the same jokes over and over again for 40-50 years. The idea of buying a house is abhorant to me, cause it's all permanent, I mean, what if I decide I want to move? You know, the idea of marrying an airline pilot or career military man is sounding better and better, cause they go away a lot. :) Maybe the reason I'm always attracted to men I can't have is because I'm secretly sabotaging myself to avoid that very life that I thought I want so much. Maybe deep down I'm a free love, no strings attached kind of girl that somehow got trapped in a puritanical Mormon life. Eh, it's not that deep down. When I was sexually active, I had NO problem with no strings attached sex. It was rather my favorite kind, really. Because when you get attached to a guy, he always ends up disappointing you or dumping you. Uh-oh. I think I just spotted emotional baggage. Oh dear. I think I may be broken. But then again, when I was dating Sanjay, I couldn't imagine not seeing him or at least talking to him everyday, so maybe I just have to get to the point where I feel that way about somebody again. Eh. No matter. Not like anyone's offered me a ring or anything.