Damn boys!

Dammit. My whole life philosophy has been changed against my will. There I was, convinced I was never going to marry, and perfectly happy with the idea. I didn't have to worry about boys any more, or whether somebody noticed me, or how I looked or anything. I was just concentrating on living a good life and being the best me for me. When I saw a cute guy, I would think, "He's cute." And the thought process would end there. No wondering if I have a chance or if my hair's messed up or anything. It was a wonderful thing. And then along comes this boy, this boy who's pretty easy on the eyes, and lots of fun to spend time with, and he asks me out. I'm like, it's cool, I'm not a nun or anything, so I go out with him, thinking I can have a little fun before we go on our separate ways, none the worse for wear. So I go out with him a few times, and then I get to where I'm thinking about him WAY more than I should be. That's bad, and I've even considered not seeing him anymore just for that. But then, Saturday at the waterpark was a church activity, so I felt a particular kinship with everybody there because we share a religion, even though I didn't know lots of them because it was for everybody that's Mormon in this entire area. I spent the entire evening floating around the lazy river because the natatorium was closed and the slides had a long line all the way to the ground. So there was this guy, also floating around the lazy river, and as the evening progressed we kept floating in approximately the same area. We both were floating by ourselves for the most part, although people I knew would come talk to me for a little while and then go on their way again. He was cute, with long brown hair and kinda pointy features, and it seemed like he kept looking at me, although I couldn't be sure because the entire place was packed. So I found myself looking at his ring finger to make sure he wasn't wearing one, and trying to decide if I should approach him and stuff like that, and then I realized what I was doing. DAMMIT. I am back in the game. DAMN DAMN DAMN. I was so happy out of the game. And I can't just go back. It's a state of mind, and you can't just flip it like a switch. Josh is right, it's just like growing your hair out. Dammit.