I have a confession. I have big feet. Ok, so it's not really any secret, but really I do, I swear. Women's 12 wide. I wore a 13 when I was fatter, but now my feet have lost weight along with the rest of me and I can wear a twelve wide again. Sometimes I can painfully squeeze my way into an 11 wide, but I have to really freakin' love the shoes for that to happen. There was a time in my life when I basically had the choice of men's shoes or going barefoot. (I'm a men's 10 1/2, by the way.) But these days there is more of a selection. If I walk into Payless Shoes, I can find maybe 10 pairs to choose from. That's usually 8-10 pairs I wouldn't be caught dead in and 0-2 pair that I would consider wearing. Occasionally, they'll have something I love. I can also find shoes on the internet, but I really like to try on shoes before I decide. So it's Payless. None of the major shoe stores or department stores carry my size. Except Neiman Marcus, who apparently known by everyone except me for carrying hard to fit sizes. And the second I can afford to buy shoes at Neiman Marcus, I will be all over that action, believe you me. So, in short, it's annoying to have big feet.
But you know what's even more annoying? Women who say things like, "Oh I know! I wear a 10 and I can hardly find shoes!" Ok, listen you size 10 bitches, and listen good. The shoe selection expands EXPONENTIALLY when you drop from 12 to 11, and expands even more when you go to down to 10. Guess what the sizes that most (read ALL) stores that sell shoes are? Yep. 5-10. That's five to TEN, or even 10 1/2. So you can kiss my ass and suck my proverbial dick. I would give my metaphorical left nut to be able to get the kind of selection that you get! If I hear all you candy ass bitches whine about wearing a size ten one more damn time, I might have to go postal on your asses and do something crazy like carve your feet down to a size you might like better. How'd ya like that? HUH? HOW'D YOU LIKE THAT?!? WITH YOUR REGULAR SIZE FEET AND YOUR WHINEY LITTLE COMPLAINTS!! YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. . .uh. . .ehem. Pardon me. I have to go now. I think I hear my mommy calling.
7 comments:
And Joe, I don't want to hear any bitching out of you mister. This is about my big foot woes, not your gigantic whale boat woes.
hey hey! angry margie is kinda secksy. AHH dont hit me! actually so is big feet? does that make me a freak? wait! i dont care if it does or not. i love big feet!
I think you find just about anything sexy. Ya horny bastard.
Well, you know, I also have trouble finding...oh, nevermind. Boy, that sucks. It's weird though, because you can shop at Payless (with a dramatically decreased selection), and I have little sympathy when you complain, because Payless doesn't carry my size. BUT, I can get shoes at JCPenny (with a dramatically decreased selection), and Joey can't even do that. It's like that parable about feet or lack there of. Poor Joey. I think I'll give him a hug next time I see him...if I don't trip over those ginormous feet of his, that is.
What did I say? WHAT DID I SAY?!? I said, "Joe, I don't want to hear any bitching out of you mister." What part of that did you not understand? Just because your shoe boxes have provided low income housing for many bereft families you think you have the monopoly on shoe complaints.
Um....I hate wearing and 8 1/2 'cuz everyone wears that size and the aisles are always crowded...
I'm with ya on the wanting to try shoes on first thing though. :)
I weep for you and your crowded aisle problem. That must be rough. :P
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