Love me or leave me

I've been told that when I get all down and dark I'm a little off putting and it makes people feel awkward, so if you can't handle the real me, you better skip this one. I watched House last night, and Cameron getting a date with House made me very happy. I mean very irrationally over the top happy. So I wondered to myself why I was so excited at the prospect of two imaginary people on a TV show getting together, and my inner little arm chair psychologist was able to figure it out. On the one hand, you have House, who's a crabby, cranky, smart aleck, bitter jerk. On the other hand, you have Cameron, who's a smart girl with a huge crush on a guy she'll probably never get. It's not hard to see that I obviously see myself in both characters. I mean, I'm a cranky, crabby, smart aleck, bitchy jerk. Maybe a little bitter, too. I'm also a smart girl, and I'm a serial crush on guy I can't have type. Seriously. If you put a guy in front of me and make it plain that I can't have him, I will instantly become absolutely obsessed and have a secret crush on the guy for up to several years. I don't have one right now, but I'm sure it's just a matter of time. So, if House and Cameron get together, it's like I get to love myself. Uhhh. . .I didn't mean that the way it sounded. My inner Beavis is having a fit right now. So after I got my Freud on, I was pleased for about 30 seconds, until I realized, oh yeah, I'll still be alone, and always will be. Cause in real life, people like House and me don't find love. Not that I'm that much like House, I could only dream of being that cruel and brilliant. But still, he's a guy and women are much more forgiving of horrible character flaws than men. And even if someone like House or myself could find someone willing to look past our initial brutal behavior, they would find out that it was actually just the tip of the iceberg and then they'd get fed up and leave. So then I was depressed all day. *sigh* Josh is going to say that this is a self fulfilling prophecy, and that by saying I'll never find love because I'm difficult and moody, I will cause myself to never find love, but oh fucking well. I've tried being nice and easy to get along with, but quite frankly, that's just not me. I really have tried. I get even more cranky and end up blowing up way worse and being an even more rampant crazy person for several days. And people seem to think I'm boring when I'm nice. So there's obviously no solution. I've come to terms with the fact that I will be celibate for the rest of my life. I should buy flannel pajamas and go get some cats from the pound.